Avania: episode 1 part 1

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Okay I lied, maybe I'll post more on here if there are more better responses like on my other entry. Also I got sick of getting no comments on DA. I'll say it again. I don't care if you don't like it. Be resonable a say why you don't like it instead of posting insults like a little kid. it's super hard to animate and it's not fair for people to bash at them.
If you actually like this animation I have more parts on my website.
This just didn't come out like I was hoping it to. I have an image in my head of what the story is like and how it's supposed to look. Instead it came out looking choppy. Well, Adobe flash is like the hardest program to draw in.-.- I know is has so many flaws so you don't have to tell me. (Still remembering the appearance of the rabbit....*shudders*) And, yes I did get pretty lazy on the backgrounds. As for the voices. The main character's voice came out exactly how I wanted it. Sheber's was okay. The other three I didn't like. But what'd you expect I'm a girl doing a whole bunch of boy characters. I spent alot of time doing this. I tried my hardest to do my best and that's all that should matter. While I was working on it, something sped it up and I didn't know how to reverse it (and it wasn't the frame rate). So it's very fast paced. You have been warned O.O

Incase it was hard to follow I'll just summarize what happened.
A boy woke up an a tunnel not exactly having amnesia. He remembers his family, his friends, and his name. He just doesn't know how he got in this strange world. He meets a rabbit being, named Yates. And since that was the first thing he met he assumed that he landed in some rabbit world.
He talks to the rabbit and finds out that he can't get back home until he gets permission from every king in the world. (Apparently there are alot) The boy tries to lie to get back home but is caught by Yate's ball device. He is attacked by Yates. Later (after he escapes Yate's wrath) he's walking through a forest. Hears something and gets scared. He finds that it's just a person. Much to his relief this planet has people in it. He is soon robbed from behind. The robbers raid his backpack. They don't seem to know what the items in his pack are. The boy asks the first boy he saw (who seems to be their leader) for help but is denied. The boy gets angry and fights back by pushing the youngest robber down. The little boy robber named Sheber starts crying. That's when the leader took out a sword and aimed it at the boy.
I couldn't animate anymore than this because I didn't have enough computer memory to continue. So I'll have to do it in parts.-.-


Story's really good, and that counts the most in any animation. Good Job!

There's potential here.

The animation was good overall. There were a few points where the linework was shaky and where some of the movements looked stiff, but I don't have any other complaints in that regard. You did a good job varying up the camera angle.

I think my biggest issue with this is that the lighthearted presentation and execution don't feel as though they match the more serious nature of the plot. It feels like it's consistently hovering in the void between comedy and drama, never touching one or the other. For example, I'm not sure whether the second scene is supposed to be climactic and suspenseful or playful and comedic.

Utilizing lighting and music can help a lot with this because it can drastically affects the mood. If you need music, than the audio portal is a great resource. If you don't find a song there that works, you can always ask around to see if there's a musician who will collaborate with you. In terms of lighting, using more contrast and darker, less saturated colors will help show that a scene is supposed to be more serious whereas using saturated, bright colors will make the scene look happier and more playful.

Just a voice recording tip: when you're recording, it's better to be further back from the mic and speaking louder than close to the mic. When you're too close, the mic picks up the sound of the air coming out from speaking, which makes the recording muddy, as it is here. Also, be conscious of how quickly you're speaking. It's easy to speak more quickly than you think you are, so when recording, speak a little slower than you think you should. This will help prevent the dialog from whizzing by.

It's also not advised to try and do all of the voices yourself, especially if the characters are a different gender. There's a number of voice actors here on NG who will collaborate with you. Granted, the voice of the main character did fit him, so that was good.

The dialog could use some improvement, too. It hurts the quality of any kind of writing when you say too many things in a matter-of-fact way. It's better to imply things because otherwise, it'll feel like you're stating the obvious and giving superfluous explanation of the scene. For instance, there's no reason for the character to say he finds it strange that the rabbit is talking to him because his reaction when the rabbit starts speaking gets that across enough. Along those lines, make sure you don't say the same thing twice, like when the boy says he doesn't like to lie and then the rabbit asserts that the boy lied. You could get across his reluctance to lie through facial expressions and timing, but also, you don't need to state that he lied both before and after the orb glows. You might not even need to say it all if you get across the impression of a lie in the boy's manner of speaking. The orb will put the pieces together for you.

I like the plot overall. I think it could turn out to be an interesting story. It's just that the execution could use some work.

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Deer50 responds:

Thanks alot. Now this is a good piece of advice. ^^

..I happened to like it

Alright.. So maybe this isnt the best Flash out there. But I happened to think it was somewhat cute and intresting. Yes , the style may not be the best and at some points the animation is choppy however that doesnt make this a horrid flash. Honestly you gotta ignore the negitive comments because people don't know how hard a flash truly is to make. The other thing i think that can use improvment is the voices. alot of it was too quiet , and it could use a little more emotion, But other than that I really liked it. I look forward to seeing more of this. ^_^

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Deer50 responds:

thanks :)

i don't mind really!!

It's not the worst thing i've seen. At least the story is interesting. I give you a 6 for story and a 1 for effort!!( You really deserve it)

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It's a start...

Certainly you are giving your first steps here and I praise you for that, but there are somethings that you need to put attention to:

- Yes, there are drawing styles that are made to llok messy: but this doesn't feel like that, I recommend you to watch some other animations on styles you find similar to ours, put attention to the details on them since they'll lead you to know how they did them.

- Define your character better: Make some standing still art from different angles until you are confident that you know your character as well as you know some real-life person

- Animate by parts: it seemed to me that you made the whole thing on a run rather than animating the bunny first, then the main character, then the backgrounds. that way you'll put more attention to the details of each part.

- Define your line-art: Some of the traces (like one of an eye blinking) seemed to be done on a rush and carelessly, don't animate on a hurry, take your time, defined lineart and colouring make most of the animations good or bad.

- Have fun: and don't give a damn about aggressie or rude comments, check who says them most will come from people that don't create anything and have no idea of the work behind your art, real artists will guide you rather than mock you (...but not forever so make an effort to improve with their comments).

If I'm being this hard is because I saw ambition on your animation, work hard for it!

People find this review helpful!
Deer50 responds:

thanks :)

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Credits & Info

3.41 / 5.00

Oct 16, 2011
2:23 AM EDT
  • Daily 3rd Place October 17, 2011