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the dark one Episode 1

rated 2.17 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Sep 4, 2011 | 2:06 AM EDT

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Author Comments

In this part one of the movie, maverick Jeremy, sailor moon and the sailor scouts along with friends from the dragonball z world encounter a dark and terrifing foe, his name is evil maverick,(i also need a favor from newgrounders, my grammar and spelling is not perfect, i was wondering in private messages if you could point out to me where i went wrong in the text,) and the directions are simple, you click play when the characters are talking, hit spacebar. have fun and enjoy. also, can you guys give me music idea's for the other scenes????? and also, music scene ideas, because i ran out of them. good songs that might fit for scenes that don't have music. any help at all will do, NEWGROUNDERS, FEEL FREE TO COMMENT GOOD BAD OR UGLY, ALL COMMENTS WELCOME, JUST MAKE SURE YOU VOTE FOR ME, Will do the same in return. and i appreciate and constructive criticism, hope you all enjoy the breath of fresh air. as for the grammar, please; please; give me examples on where, i'm playing this by ear, even though english is my primary language, i had a shitty school career, and i'm trying to make up for it.



Rated 1 / 5 stars


Hi punisher, I got a mod to remove my other review, so now here's the original review again minus the unessential stuff. You've already read this, in other words.

I had to stop watching it. It was too painful to go on. YES, you did put effort into the story, and the sprites looked pretty good, but the dialogue is some of the most cringe-worthy almost-English I've seen in months. You occasionally break every rule of grammar in a single sentence. I felt like I was watching an anime in Japanese and having a Russian translate for me. It was honestly unintelligible. You've got the animation and sound down pretty good, but if you want to make an actual original story, you need to concentrate more on how the story is told, so that others can understand the story you have in your head. Try watching your own movie and reading it out loud to yourself. Try getting a friend to proofread it. Try studying some writing principles. You've got the imagination, you just need to focus it more.


Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Let's see...

Well, you're right. It's nice not to see the usual suspects, like Sonic and Mario. But a Sailor Moon/DBZ crossover is far from original. Plus the story is pretty generic, "bad guy shows up, want's powerful item good guys have."

Your animation and your sprite quality suck ass, but that's something that will improve with experience. A few things to watch out for. Make bigger text boxes, because when the characters said a lot, you compacted the text to fit into the box and it was kind of hard to read. And there were a few frames with text boxes that you forgot to program it to stop, so it just skipped the text box.

A far as your grammar, if english isn't your primary language, then I can forgive. But if it is your primary language then there is no excuse for grammar that bad.

Punisher33 responds:

thank you for the constructive criticism, and i'm trying to end fanboy stuff, completely, i mean alvin earthworm enspired me to make my own series. and i use classic tween 2.0 action script. so it's not gonna look the same


Rated 0 / 5 stars

Aw jesus this is awful.

Please use a preloader. Adding a loading bar you drew won't work as one.
Newgrounds has plenty of free preloaders you can use for this purpose.

Secondly, do not make sprite movies. They're not original since you're using graphics made by someone else, and they look generally bad.