Cardinal's Carnal Quest

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Sinner 5 Points

Finish the first eight main rooms.

Cam Whore 10 Points

Have you no shame?

Conspicuous 10 Points

Gosh, you're really good at this!

Hydrophilia 10 Points

Where are you getting all that stuff from, anyway?

Infatuated 10 Points

Snap out of it!

Premature Evacuation 10 Points

Get those hands back to work!

Too Much Coffee 10 Points

Calm down!

Too Much Wine 10 Points

Watch where you're going!

Trip 'n Slide 10 Points


Unrepentant 10 Points

Finish the first sixteen main rooms.

Hot Shot 25 Points

Score at least 45000 points in "Robot Rendezvous."

Leet Feet 25 Points

Run at least 1337.0 meters in "Girls Gone Wild!"

You're Going to Hell 25 Points

Complete your quest.

One Carnal Cardinal 50 Points

Complete your quest from the very beginning without being jailed.

Satanic Lust 100 Points

Complete your quest from the very beginning without being jailed, and with a final score of 666666 or higher.

Author Comments

It is highly recommended that you check out the "Help" section of the game (accessible from the main menu) prior to playing, as it contains lots of important information (such as how to change the display quality and how to disable/enable audio) that will enhance your experience.

Go get 'em, tiger!


Current game version: V. 2

If you don't see the current version number near the bottom of the game's splash screen, clear your browser's cache and reload the game to ensure you're playing the latest version!

If you think you've encountered a glitch, please send a PM to Stickman91 describing the issue in as much detail as possible.

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Mostly nicely done

I thought this was a good game but boy, did it seem a bit too complicated! You could have filled an entire book with all the instructions you put forward! Oh well, at least you seemed to have taken a lot of time and effort into making something so perverted. Catholic pedophile jokes are so common now, I rarely care about them. Of course, that might also be because I'm not Catholic. The animation/graphics could be a little better, it looks a tad dated.

I just went through the first couple of pages of instructions and that's all I need. In a nutshell, hit kids with holy water using the mouse and move towards them all and then go to the other side with that reverse tile. The music was good and set a very creepy atmosphere. It's great that you got so many songs as you need them in such a long game.

Stickman91 responds:

I hope the length of the help section isn't off-putting; it may be (more than) a bit on the verbose and detailed side, but I like to think it's a fun read. Anyway, it's good to know you figured everything out without too much trouble. Thanks for the review!

Hilariously dark humour

This game is tough as nails, but talking of nails, I've think you've nailed the difficulty just right. I managed to reach level 5 (the one that looks like Frogger) and found myself perishing there. It's a game that keeps you coming back for more though. It's one of those games where you get better as you play it more because once you start trying the difficult levels, you learn to keep the pedometer low on the easier levels and thus get further each time. I found it very tough to aim the mouse and use the cursor keys at the same time while the light beams were pressurising me, it was kind of like trying to rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time. I find it hard to multi-task, but it was fun nonetheless.

The whole game has been very cleverly designed, from the art and instructions to the catchy theme tune and dark humour throughout. I'm really surprised to only see three reviews here as this game possesses a lot of depth (variety in the levels) and requires a lot of skill and concentration to avoid the light beams.

I like the little voiceovers depending on if you have been caught etc. Everything responds very well control-wise and it's nice to see that the legend of the WASD keys were an option for the player.

Once you know what you have to do, the game becomes really enjoyable. And to think I could have been doing the sound for this game. I definitely think it was the right decision to get Mark in as the Sound Producer, as everything sounds crisp and clean, the main theme sounds organic and grows on you quickly.

All I can say is well done on undertaking such a large project and finishing it to such a polished degree. As well as a player, I like to think of myself as a tester too and so I was clicking around the various menus to test for bugs and things like that, but there were none to be found. Not. A. Single. Spelling. Error.

The only thing that I found was that you are a perfectionist and I can now look forward to your next venture into Flash game-making.

Stickman91 responds:

The first five rooms are just the beginning! If you really enjoyed everything up to Room 5, I strongly encourage you to keep going; you've only seen a small fraction of what this game has to offer.

If you get busted and want to keep going further, simply choose the "Continue" option when it appears; as you've probably seen, doing that resets both the Pedo-Meter and the room in which you were busted. If you can't get through a room without filling up the Pedo-Meter, don't be afraid to rush it: Just touch all the kids as quickly as possible without worrying about how many times you get caught. In almost all cases, doing that will enable you to complete a room with ease while only getting caught a few times in the process (but obviously, your score could suffer enormously if you abuse this tactic).

Marky only ended up doing some of the sound effects (such as the water splash, the end-of-room vocals, and other odds and ends), but he did a superb job with them. All the music is from the NG Audio Portal.

I like to think the game is pretty polished design-wise, but it's nowhere near perfect, and a lot could have been done to expedite its development. Nonetheless, working on it was a great learning experience that Rabid-Animals and I really enjoyed. Getting it completed was one hell of a commitment, but the final product made all the work worth it. On top of that, I think finishing this project was an important step towards being able to design and develop games on a professional level, a goal I'm seriously striving for.

Thanks for the fantastic review!


The pope mobile has 4 inch of bullet proof plexi glass around it.

There's faith in action.

Great game. Nuff said.

Stickman91 responds:

You don't need faith to succeed at this game; just a good pair of hands!

Come now Cardinal.

The Popeship is up for grabs and it is a two horse race between: Cardinal Sicola and Cardinal Benedict.

Results are in......

8 out of 10 people prefer Pope Sicola!

Just for the taste of it!

Stickman91 responds:

And how are his hands? Soft and smooth? Dry and scaly? These are important questions!

Holy fuck!

This game is hard. It requires a trained hand, but more importantly, a light touch to do correctly. It's not enough to press the buttons, you have to press the right ones, in just the right place and time. And timing is everything in this game! Believe me, you won't be lasting very long, or standing strong without a little bit of practice. You have to catch it by surprise, when it least expects it, and go all in. The slightest gestures really do the difference, but at the end, it's the aim, and the final shot that count the most. I must say, I blew quite a load playing this game.

Stickman91 responds:

You sound like you have a lot of experience with this sort of thing. The game should be a cinch for you!

Credits & Info

2.27 / 5.00

Aug 10, 2011
6:46 PM EDT
Action - Other