It was okay
So, it was pretty weird, and you should probably make your voice a little louder in the future. The animating was pretty decent, and it was actually pretty entertaining story wise. Keep up the work, I'm sure over time you will get better. Not bad for your first submission, though.
Is this english?
You're barely comprehensible.
Your audio volume is all the way over the board - toward the end, low enough to fight with the music for attention. You've got a terrible echo on your mic, and you could be speaking way more clearly. I have to strain to understand the parts I can even understand by straining. This badly needs to be cleaned up.
Your animation is okay!
I liked the effects, your cycles are good, and your story is engaging. However, you're undercutting it with your murky, lisping narration. What's up with that? Some clear, heroic voiceovers could go a long way to selling this premise. The narration is your biggest weakness. The rest of it is okay to good.