This story gave me chills and made me feel like the world was a permenently dark place and that comfort and family life were just illusions. HOLY CRAP this was good---just fix the layout of your speech bubbles. thx 4 the creepy read. WAW!
Interesting read on it, I always felt that the concept of family was the core theme of the story, and that attempt to find family life was the only real salvation for many of the characters...
an impressive art and a story that leaves you hooked to the screen is perfect and I loved both shocking somewhat repetitive in parts but the flow of history makes these little details are not taken into account.
Congratulations, you've done ARTS ;)
Well, I don't know what to say.
I did like it, but there were a lot of problems. By the way, this is my first time seeing this piece, which apparently were pieces, so I read this as a whole without prior knowledge. I say that because that is the way I'm judging it. If there were parts that were changed from the original or left out, let me know.
I think the things I liked is a short list so let's start there. The artwork was superbly done. The style fit quite well with the story. Often times, usually when people weren't smiling, it was hard to tell the expression of one's face. This sort of 'expressionless expression' worked itself into the overall mood nicely.
It was only at the end that I found out there was a track selection. I read all of it to the song "Evil Appetite", so it worked. The music gave a slight nervousness to this dark tale. It's dreary, lingering gave the entire work a gradually dismal sadness. It was as if all the bloodshed was but the result of the characters' self-inflicted pain. The track allowed me to feel as though I were in the story, but I was only watching the events unfold.
Now I want to say that this is original. But I was mulling it over and it seems you used some cliches and gave it a dark slant. I've only read it once so far. Maybe reading it again will reveal something. Regardless, there were little one liners here and there that I didn't like. '... all hell broke loose.' 'Will you wait for me? Always.' That kind of thing. I'm not saying it was awful, but the dialogue could use some tweaking.
Sometimes it was confusing figuring out the dialogue. Like in the beginning after Colin woke up, and asked "What the fuck happened to me?". 30 years is a long time. Before that point there was no way to tell how old he was. What if he were about 40 yo at that point. A ten year old usually wouldn't wake up after so long and say "What the fuck....".
Along the same line, it was also hard to read. Have you ever read a comic book? Usually speech bubbles will go in order from top to bottom and left to right. Also, if someone ends there dialogue with an ellipsis, the other characters involved in the conversation will say something in ANOTHER speech bubble. So where you have only two bubbles, you should have four, five or six. For example, when Creva and Simon are talking, after Creva reveals the connection between the victims there could be four bubbles there. Normally, you would end a sentence with the proper punctuation then make a new speech bubble. Ending sentences the ellipses and jumping back and forth between bubbles was distracting from the story.
While on the subject of writing, learn how to edit before you post something. It's not that you can't spell or that you have a poor vocabulary, but there's no excuse for spelling the word 'throat' 't-h-r-o-u-g-h-t' as you did early on. There are several grammar problems too. There are many places where words were missing. An 'of' should have been somewhere. An 'is' was missing. You did not use the correct article (a, an) before a word. However, I can tell that this was a work in progress. Where you did make mistakes, they were fixed later on. Yes, you spelled 'throat' correctly, just in later pages. I suggest taking it down, editing it thoroughly, then putting it back up.
Last thing writing wise, I liked the story but you goofed up. Don't feel too bad about it though. The people who took Dicken's weekly articles and made the book Oliver Twist did the same thing. You wrote something that was meant to be read separately and smashed it all together. While I was reading the piece, the stories didn't really fit together. But taken apart, as they were written, I could see where different elements would have been introduced rather than fit into the whole that I read. So in the future, don't do that.
Just a brief note. I liked the animation, but even with names, it was really hard for me to tell who was who. In fact, I still don't know who Bateman is. Make sure that if you are going to give recurring characters names, you do it early on. I had to reread some to find out who Nate was.
Bateman is a member of the N.Y. press, who buys pictures of murders from Simon.
Whilst this is never said directly, I thought the nature of their relationship was clearly implied when Nate confronts Simon in "T.T. II"...
Anyway I agree with some of what you said,
Thanks for the detailed review!
i read through it twice to make sure i didnt miss anything,and it was equally amazing both times
Upon the second reading did you get a chance to watch it with the "Real Solution" track?
You used a very similair name for a project I had in store for the future :| oh well XD If I ever do it please do not hate me for it XC
on to the review XD
The story was nice, the Art could use some more work, but its stylized very nice :) gives a creepy vibe with the sketchy way its done, and how little use of color you have. The music assists with the "creepy" tone to it all. You can tell you put alot of work into this and it shows :) Good job.
Wow a review from you,
what an honor!
No I won't hate man, I don't believe titles and stuff belong to people,
that said I do believe that work shouldn't be stolen and passed off as someone's own,
or without giving proper credit...
I'm not saying you would do that, I'm just going off on a tangent,
I better stop or I'll run my mouth off... Too late