Between the two series you have going right now, this is one is the one that I believe a) is the most promising and b) gives a better showcase of your skills.
Animation/ Art: 6.5/10
Excellent art direction; the grainy overlay really gives it an interesting look. The desaturated colors and low-visibility scenes do an excellent job of building suspense. The tweening in this video seems to work a bit better than in whookos, partially because that is more cartoon-esque and this has a higher degree of detail, but some frame-by-frame would have benefited it in places. A lot of times the character animations were too stiff and rigid.
Story/ narrative: 7/10
You've got the start of something great here. It's original, fascinating and disturbing. One thing that held you back in Zelda UO was the fact that it could never go beyond a fan piece; while I loved it, it was your take on Zelda, so it felt strange. This however, is all your own and I could tell you are in your element. You took your time telling the story and let the surroundings and the situations tell the story. Most of the time.
Scoot talked way too much, to be honest. Also, we don't need to hear his thoughts. Like someone else said before me, let the atmosphere and situations tell the story; I don't think very many people would talk or act the way the characters here did. For instance, Scoot literally just buried his family and was mourning. The next thing you know, he's casually remarking on the fact that Salt Lake City is now hovering above his head like it's nothing. It kind of pulls you out of the immersion.
Also, Scoot was the only one you really gave a background to. His location at the beginning is puzzling, but not beyond the realm of believability. The rest of the characters are just standing around random locations with no explanation as to why they are there. In that regard, things felt out of place. However, the pacing in this piece was excellent.
This is a place where A.E. far exceeds Whookos. For the most part, the effects and voices come in loud and clear. The voices, unfortunately, are as monotone as ever, save one. I was pretty darn impressed with Swiffer's performance this time around. While there is still much improvement needed all around, Swiffer's vocal inflection this time around was very good, especially on the cell phone scene. This is a step in the right direction and I hope this is a sign of things to come.
While a lot of the sound effects were excellent, a lot of the effects failed when they desperately needed to succeed. First the good: The ambient white noise did very well, as did the Scoot's cell phone ringing. It was the only real part that made me jump. However, the monster's screams in particular were very muffled, which is not a good thing, especially when they are the main adversaries and sources of terror. Sound is probably just as if not more important than the imagery, especially for horror and jump out scares like the ones used here. Definitely a place that needs attention.
Your soundtrack was a stand-out as far as sound goes. A lot of it had the same vibe as the filler songs from The Sound of Animals Fighting's album The Tiger and the Duke, which is a very good thing. Maybe make a slight bit more use of it... ever so slight, though, because the silence in this video spoke volumes.
-Some more attention to expressive character animation
-A bit less dialogue, and make the things the characters say more relevant and less redundant
-More work on voice-work pretty much across the board
-A little more focus on some areas of sound quality.
You've got quite the beast on your hands. I hope that you can make this the end-all flash series of all time. Just a little more focus and a little more polish.