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CoolJaw: O.S. I-V

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Hello,

The first chapter in the Cooljaw: Original Sin Comics.
This is probably one of my oldest ideas I've had, I came up with it around 17,
it started out as a comic, then I briefly considered turning it into a movie, before I finally decided to release it as a comic.

The drawings were done in a sketchy style, to invoke a "nightmarish" feeling, and the story gets significantly more deranged, and twisted as it goes along, so this is going to be a Mature-Adults Only series soon.

I'm releasing the story in chapters, and should have the first act of the trilogy wrapped up in a month or two, so it will unfold significantly faster than shark will.

The drawings are all completed for "Original Sin", the reason why I'm releasing the chapters individually, as opposed to gathering them in one collected edition, is because I want to run ads on the submissions that won't be rated A.O.

Once the WHOLE trilogy is complete, I'll release the uncut hard A.O. Edition.
Thanks,
- Celx

P.S. Check out "Shark Black: Snowblind +, you might dig that too!

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Edit:
Uhhh sorry made a mistake with the api, which screwed up the submission
for those that have an older version of the flash player & essentially made this unplayable, I tried to edit the submission to no avail which is why I'm resubmitting.

Again super sorry, I just didn't want to have something that didn't work up, at least you got a free save point though!

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Certainly an alternative comic

Well, the drawing style jumps about a bit, with the way that you've set it out into the unique style with the black background and relatively few colours for effect, you've really shown a great passion for the drawing and presentation of this piece.

Do you have a set page format for this that you could present on a website, for example. Try looking at how Giant in the Playground present their comics, because that might be a better way to look at how it all comes together - I'm not a fan of viewing comic strips in flash, more of reading them in the traditional format.

With the drawing style, I think that you could do with making the piece more unified with the drawing style - the doctor has the mad hair going for him, but he looks very differently drawn to the patient lying in the bed. Yes, the teeth missing don't help, but that's plot.

Certainly looking decent and I look forward to more.

[Review Request Club]

Celx-Requin responds:

Yeah I've been trying to make the comic art style more consistent.

The thing is most of those drawings were done when I was seventeen, and I've just been tracing over them with my wacom.

I wanted to go against the traditional format, for a variety of reasons, but mostly so people could get a better view of the artwork.

Thanks,
- Celx

Unique

I really like the style of this submission. Not only the drawings but the whole layout. Too bad the "Play" button didn't work, but I could read the comic by advancing the pages manually anyway.

I like the music you selected. Personally I found the "No / Tomo"-track (yeah, I hope that's how it's called, couldn't make it out too clearly) the most fitting for the comic as it adds a lot to the creepy/nightmarish atmosphere.

However, you should make the texts in the menu a bit bigger. Sometimes I had trouble reading it.

{ Review Request Club }

Celx-Requin responds:

The play button was supposed to replay animations that occurred in the comic,
however after thinking about it I'm deciding to not show the "animated" version of the comic until a later date.

Also yes the track was listed as no/tomo, the actual title is no tomorrow by Akira Yamaoka.

Thanks for the review!
- Celx

Creepy

I thought it was Ok and kind of original that it was a slideshow but the story was original too.

The art was OK but a bit too sketchy and a bit too dark but it was very fitting for this submission so it was fine for me. Too rough so I think you should round it a bit but the blood things were good too.

I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't really animation but there WAS some animation were the word boxes came out to make it less boring so I guess it's OK but could use a little bit more animation in some places.

Th story was original and very creepy so the story was good too but it was pretty creepy and I think you should make it a bit longer because it saw it in maybe a minute or two but the slideshow buttons worked fine and it is always nice to go back a couple of panels and see the artwork you put in it.

I think it needed a bit more effort into it since it was a slideshow and there was barely any animation but it will be OK just leaving it.

Overall it was pretty good and needed to be a bit longer and maybe get some better sketches into it and improve the artwork and try to fit the text in one place but I say the whole thing was a OK

Celx-Requin responds:

Yes some of the artwork needs work...

Thanks for the review,
& try not to forget the R.R.C tag!
- Celx

Creepy piece

The music just makes this feel even creepier, nice work here.

Animation: Frame by frame piecing of a horrendous nightmare you're having, quite gloomy.

Audio: Rather fitting and melancholy.

Storyline: You keep having a weird nightmare with monsters and you have no teeth after awakening from a coma.

Overall: Quite creepy and good.

Review Request Club

SCTE3

Celx-Requin responds:

Cool!

Thanks for the review,
- Celx

~ Review Request Club ~

I really did enjoy this submission so don't let the six fool you. I just thought there were a few things that could have helped it out a little.

~ Animation/Graphics ~

There really wasn't any animation, but all of the buttons worked perfectly fine. You are pretty good with menu's and I always need people to make menu's for my submissions because I don't know how to code. Perhaps you can code menu's for me in the future because I always feel like you did a good job with them.

The graphics were actually pretty cool and seemed very fitting to the submission. Sometimes I wish the drawings would have simply been a bit more complete. For example where the house is shown with the green grass around it there is one section that doesn't have the green grass and it just makes the whole scene look weird.

Some other drawings such as the doctors gave me a very uneasy feeling. At first I expected them to be normal doctors, but after having a closer look you could see them smiling in a weird creepy way. I don't know if that was on purpose because of some hidden meaning, but if it wasn't then I don't think it was very fitting.

~ Story/Content ~

I really loved the introduction of the story. It actually gave me chills because it was so creepy. Then as it went on and he woke up in the hospital it kind of took away from it a little bit. I feel that if you were to make the story about him in the creepy weird world that it would have made it a good story. I guess I just really don't understand where the whole thing is going or what it means. Perhaps if it wasn't so short it would also be helped out.

Be careful with your writing when you are trying to fit a bunch on the screen because it got a little sloppy in a couple of places.

~ Audio ~

The music that you picked was perfect. I do feel that if you had a voice read over the words that you used then it could have been really cool.

~ Overall ~

Some graphics seemed too incomplete and I really would have enjoyed a voice actor to go along with the submission.

~ Review Request Club ~

Celx-Requin responds:

Hello,

Regarding the voices, I did think about having the comic narrated however, I didn't think my voice would do the series justice, I might have it done at a later date when I have the funds to hire a professional actor.

I agree about the grass, it does not seem to mesh as it should, I might fix that down the road... The doctor, & nurse were exactly what i was going for.

I think as you keep watching more of the story will make sense remember this is only the first in the series...

Thanks,
- Celx

P.S. If you are ever looking for help with menus, drop me a line, if I can I'll be happy to help!

Credits & Info

Views
7,827
Faves:
8
Votes
9
Score
4.20 / 5.00

Uploaded
Jan 21, 2010
11:42 PM EST
Genre
Drama
Tags