Works for E-books
Nice story, I like the concept, but it progresses too slow, and its too short... Pls could you just animate it????? I feel that would bring out the story a lot better.
Compliments for your story, it is good: informative and interesting. I also like the way you did the illustrations all sketchy and everything.
However, I was hoping you would do more illustrations for the different points in your story, I actually thought that the illustrations you showed seemed to go with the story pretty well, I just think you need to add more to have a bit more variety; perhaps you can work on that? Also the different insertions of story pop up a little to slowly...if you want to keep your audience interested perhaps adding chapter/scene selection could work. The music was okay-ish, more variety...it did start to get annoying
Still it's a 10/10 from me, I liked it alot. Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff!
Not bad, not bad.
You may not realize this, but your main character's story is very similar to Naruto's. Other than that it seems really interesting; I can;t wait to see what happens next, but, as others have said, you need more pictures, ones that match the current scene.
Decent story and writing. The story was interesting and I look forward to the rest.
My only suggestion if you are going to keep this format in your submissions, make illustrations that actually correlate to the current page. I felt that the background had absolutely nothing to do with the story.
On top of that it was poorly colored. It looked like a kinder gardener's art homework (okay maybe a little better than that).
And the music was a little annoying after a while. I'd suggest adding music that matches the mood of the story or just removing it and adding narrations or something.
Good for what it was, not so much for Newgrounds.
Kind of an interesting piece of literature. This will probably come to be a good story (though some of the lines sound like it's been written by an overeager 5 year-old telling someone about imaginationland, try to be more objective in your wording) but as a flash "animation" it leaves quite a bit to be desired. A few sketchy drawings of landscapes that don't seem to connect with the text too deeply and some music that quickly began to irritate me as I was reading are all that seem to separate this from just a page of text on a website. To be perfectly honest I think you could make it work better as just that, text on a website. I would assume that you're keeping the animation to an absolute minimum so that you can meet your deadline, but I feel that it would greatly help your future submissions. If you are still strongly against the idea of animation, consider using more illustrations and making them correlate a little more with what the reader is reading. Maybe show Takuto in a couple of them too.