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Cyberen Rides a Bike

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EDIT: No reviews? Really, Newgrounds?

Another night, another Cyberen Silly, brought to you by the one and only Princess Laucherella... Ella-ella-ey-ey-ey... ;)

If you saw yesterday's Cyberen Silly ("Cyberen's Hot Date" http://www.newgrounds.com /portal/view/508844), then you're probably wondering how Cyberen is going to get himself out of this nightmare of a dream-date with his idol/love interest Jhonen Vasquez, having been caught soaking the picnic table cloth in chloroform in order to realize some sort of messed up "Boxing Helena" sort of fantasy, or whatever the heck goes on in Cyberen's deeply disturbed mind.

So we open up tonight's hilarious comedy of errors with a rather perturbed Jhonen Vasquez giving a fast-talking Cyberen the cold shoulder! Somewhere deep down in Jhonen's charmingly effeminate heart, however, he feels a twinge of pity for the scabby and pathetic creature now bawling for his forgiveness, and decides to give Cyberen one last chance to make the date a success... BIG MISTAKE, JHONEN!

Cyberen promises Jhonen a romantic ride home atop a bicycle built for two! If there's one thing we know about Cyberen though, it's that he's about as romantic as the thorny ceramic dildos he makes in his basement. And if tonight's story has a moral, kiddies, it's never give a piece of crap like Cyberen the benifit of the doubt, or he'll come right back and bash in the back of your brainpan with a ball-peen hammer when you're not looking***, or, in Jhonen's case, glue your derriere to a bicycle seat!

That's right, folks! In a last ditch effort to capture Jhonen for his very own, Cyberen has super glued Jhonen Vasquez's butt to the seat of Cyberen's big, orange tandem bike, inevitably ruining a VERY expensive pair of leather pants! What in the name of God is wrong with Cyberen, you ask? I'd say "watch and find out", like I usually do, but, honestly, I've been trying to figure out that very question for years -- years, folks!

Anyhoo, the real trouble begins for Cyberen when he is "forced" to hastily hide the large tube of glue in his anus, away from Jhonen. Little does our hero know, the cap wasn't on all the way, and before long, Cyberen is just as stuck as Jhonen, forcing the unlikely couple to go on one very awkward bicycle ride through the sunny streets of Santa Fe that you DON'T want to miss!

As always, remember that I love you, and to all you kids out there watching tonight: NEVER put super glue on your anus. Cyberen will be ok because he is a cartoon character, but you're NOT a cartoon, and it CAN inflict severe tissue damage. Trust me, I'd know!

Love you all to pieces!


Her Royal Highness, Princess Laucherella <3

PS: Hey kid! Yeah, you! Want to join in on the Cyberen-tastic fun and much, much more? Come hang out with me and the gang at Cyberen's official fan club! http://z3.invisionfree.co m/BarneyBunchPart2/

***I'm really sorry, folks. That joke was in incredibly poor taste. If you've been living under a rock lately, then you may not have heard yet, but Brock Janson, the notoriously kind and thoughtful animator on whom this rampantly popular cartoon series is based, was recently arrested for allegedly brutally murdering a rival artist with a ball-peen hammer. You can find a thread about it on the BBS.

I know deep down in my heart that Cyberen would never kill anyone. Needless to say, this is a very difficult time for him. I implore you all to go to http://cyberen.newgrounds .com, and leave Cyberen a little blog comment, just letting him know that you know he's innocent, and that Newgrounds looks after its own in its members' darkest hours!

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Waiting for 1 more votes

Aug 21, 2009
11:10 PM EDT