you cant win you just die and this game just boring this is not fun

Well...

I mean I enjoyed the game for awhile. Of course it got kind of boring. I must say though the complaints about dying no matter what are kind of ridiculous, but I guess I kind of understand. I mean sometimes life doesn't bring you the tea party you expect and hope for sometimes. As far as the storyline and script, it was kind of bland. I am a person with game variety and a little more mature or exciting interest in games and I think this game would be more suitable for like younger audiences. If the script was sort of re-arranged. The choices were kind of lame, and I enjoyed it for a bit. Keep practicing though.

Interesting...

Well it was enjoyable, not the best but enjoyable.

Keep practicing...

-------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
---------------
--- This feedback is aimed at the original author: Tina Connolly. ---
-------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
---------------

First of all, let me point out what I liked about it...
The music in combination with the drawings really moved me.
The mood-set was immediatly clear to me: "Sad, grimm, dark, empty and
misterious" are the keywords I can mention for my mood from playing.

Unfortunately I was also pulled out of this mood on some points. For a grimm
and sad story like this, it's a waist that it doesn't take itself seriously. The
choices were rather "funny" than "thrilling". The funny choices pulled my out
of the story setting.

On to the Narrative aspect. Don't worry, I'm perfectly capable of seeing and
experiencing the core / intention of the story. You can be more graphic and put
more feeling & lenght in the details, take your time to tell the player / reader
what's going on, describe the visual as well as the non-visual (emotions) parts.
Things like: "Then she eats you." is just too short and too straight to the point.
You can describe the process of her changing into her true form and how she
devours your flesh (and what kind of pain the character is experiencing)...
So try to work on your story-telling skills, keep practicing and you WILL become
better and better! ^___^

Also try to experiment with different modulations, color and lines. The drawings
functioned as a moodboard, which determines a great part of the experience.
I did like some contrasts with the black like how you used red in your drawings.
But for the beginning of the story, nothing has really happened yet. So you
could've started out with a dark blue/grey background for example. Then as the
story becomes more grimm, visual that as well (like darkening the background
as the story becomes more and more grimm...)

I hope you find this feedback useful enough, please let me know what you
think of it! ^___^ If you like, I can give you more tips & tricks about story telling,
modulations, experience design and more... Feel free to PM me any time you
like. ^___^

Remember, I judge on skill level... NOT on professional level. Just keep creating
new things, you will see that you'll become better. Also let others see your
work or parts of it so you can improve aspects before publishing it, that really
pays off in the final judgement. (PROTOTYPE! :D)

Don't stop, keep practicing! =)
Regards,

Erik van Wees

Let me analyze you.

You're a girl that desperately needs attention. You're 100% a virgin, and you regret it.