perhaps this deserves a better venue than newgrounds
Wow Just Wow
I thought this was amazing. It had such a great story and i found the interactive pages to be a great element to it. Great job.
I heard a fly buzz-- when I died
In spite some jank similes (i.e.as blue as dolphin tears) and volume spikes (in between characters) I adore everything about this work. The story, the art, and the voice acting where all great. I caught several allusions in the writing including Emily Dickenson, Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, and Donkey Kong.
I hope that this will become a new collaborative standard for Newgrounds.
Hey, there, nice commentary! Finally some criticism aimed at me rather than the technical issues I know too well about!
The "jankyness" of the similes are partly intended; it became so ridiculous trying to think of one-upping descriptive qualities for her ("a dress spun from the finest silk of 1000 spiders", for example, would have been considerably less useful) that I decided to go for complete camp instead. (I mean, surely you didn't think "shone like the centre of an Oreo" was a great romantic declaration!!! Hahahahaha!) Plus, it managed to convey something visually interesting that Nacho + Ceci picked up on and ran with gusto (notice the teardrop pattern on her dress).
I'm happy with your comment, though; it's a personal thing, writing, and we all have different views on the values it should uphold. On this work I tried to make something with heart but also with humour; I'm pleased with what I delivered and glad that in the main it worked for you.
As for the volume spikes; good call, no-one's mentioned that yet but I've had a sneaking suspicion. Some of the characters are meant to be a bit loud, but I could probably do a better mix in the studio. Cheers for a helpful critique!
The references were fairly incidental (although I am the biggest fan of video games), and though I get the Emily D reference you pointed out, I don't see this having much to do with her take on the spiritual rot that comes with death. Flies get around in all the media, you know! As a side note though, when Joey was providing some of the sound effects, he did offer me a fly buzz I'm sure was from the IHAFBWID animation (short and fantastic piece of work http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzK0mQ ER28A). It was too surreal for this... sounded very eerie.
Naturally I hope that more people start combining their talents for increased benefit: many people could deliver so much more with a good team. I also hope that we start to attract more writing, artistic, vocal, audio and programming talents of the calibre witnessed here, so that we can raise the collective standard on what constitutes a great submission.
Most importantly though, I hope we start attracting more viewers like you, who appreciate what we're trying to do and welcome us with such open arms. Thank you very much!
Excellent, as I expected
I was a bit surprised to see this submission so soon, I didn't know it was already so advanced when I read it.
I don't need to tell you I loved the story, I think that is clear by now, so I might as well comment on the other elements. At first I felt the narration a bit awkward (it was great, I just had a different idea when I read it), but he is obviously talented and with every page I liked it a bit more, in such way that at the end I was very comfortable with it. Maybe it was because the tone was a bit different from the cartoony looks of the character, but the final result was great, adding to the contrasts in the story. Also al other sound effects and voices were very well done and fitted the atomsphere perfectly.
Nacho's illustrations are obviously great, for the most of it, they surpassed my expectations of what the illustration for the next page would be.. and in some peculiar cases, it was EXACTLY how I had imagined it. I want to thank you also for recommending me to watch MR.Coo, I loved it, even fav'ed it.
Finally ,you can imagine my surprise when I read your comments and saw my username there. It was a very pleasent surprise, thank you for that. It is very important to me that someone who can write like this liked my story.
Excellent. Though it should be:
"Here is the 'cheque'."