Sounds like an interesting story, but...
if you wanna make it on Newgrounds, you're going to have to animate this better instead of just using the Shape Tween. You might want to consider trying to fade things in and out. That might give it a cool effect too. Also (this is essential): put in some sound! Sound adds in another depth, and if you put in appropriate sound, you might definitely have a chance, but for now, it looks like it's going to be blammed. Sorry man. Willing to watch it, but you're gonna have to make it easier for us too. There: now THAT'S a constructive criticism.