Don't submit that here
It was good, I rated it as if it was actualy on the bytesize, not alot of things happening, plus it is supposed to be funny, ironic, compelling, or weird, it can also do with sound effects, and maybe you should get someone with professional recording equipment to do you a favor and narorrate it for you for free.
also you need to send it to TomFulps Pm. I suggest you upload it here
http://ngup.net/
Then give that link to TomFulp, if it ends up better then this, yours might get featured!