First, I just want to thank you for all your reviews.
I've never seen anyone with as high a review count as yourself who actually writes quality reviews.
As a quick defense, I'll say that I do actually find this flash mildly amusing. It's my sense of humour. Personal. Subjective and all that.
Actually, maybe it's me just laughing, thinking about the fact that I actually made this shit so many years ago and actually submitted it... enh.
I disagree with your first line "that's not even a joke, my man..." if taken literally, but the rest of your review is spot on.
(And besides, I really shouldn't be being so pedantic...)
"Can't really give this anything above a 0/10, because even for a first flash it was indeed pure rubbish."
Fair and true enough.
"The graphics as you said are simply worthless..."
*sniff sniff* did you have to be so mean about it? I'm telling my mommy!
"and although you avoided the first-timer technique of animating things extremely slowly, you made the movement so fast that this became very short, and hard to follow."
Or maybe it's hard to follow because there isn't actually any story to speak of? I mean... fertiliser sprays on mushroom, mushroom goes bang, you get a moral. Maybe you just think it's going to fast because you were expecting an attempt at something better?
"Even though your first 20 favourite colours are purple doesn't mean that a flash should mainly consist of these colours, and it shows here."
Too true. It took me an alarmingly long time to realise I probably should use other colours...
"Graphics should have been far more concrete and recognisable."
Maybe. In this case, as someone else said, I think the slight abstraction is an asset. To fit in with the crazily bad joke.
"No audio, as is expected with a first flash, and overall I got nothing out of it."
Nice summary there.
"I got nothing out of it."
I like that quote. I mean, it's something you could use in so many situations. Maybe if you're trying to get ketchup from a near-empty bottle...
"I'm clueless as to why this attained a score of 3/5 :S... Gets a nice zero in my opinion."
Back in the day, when I desperately wanted another review, I thought maybe if I could raise the score, more folk would see it. So I bumped up the score myself.
I'm not proud of it, but there it is.
With my forthcoming stuff, of course, I'll be aiming for awards or later acclaim to ensure feedback and exposure.
Your review does lack any positivity, which I'd normally mark you down for. But I'll take the shit subject matter into consideration.
Your criticism is excellent and constructive. (And CC is always better than praise anyway.)
Nice summary and you really make me 'feel' your confusion and bewilderment at the shittiness.
7 or 8 /10