I have a story to tell.
I used to read TVTropes a lot when I was a kid. Every day when I got home from school that was really the only thing I did on the computer. Nowadays I rarely use it, but back then, it was the most important thing to me. I remember reading the whole gigantic Phineas and Ferb page, which was also the first TVTropes page I found. I didn't even watch Phineas and Ferb, but I still read the whole thing.
Well, one day I was looking through the potty emergency or the potty failure page, and under the Web Original section was a mention of Fluttershy. Not just your normal Fluttershy, but a fanfiction Fluttershy. Apparently this fanfiction was supposed to be a giant crossover fake TV show for Nickelodeon. I love weird stuff like that, so I had to look more into this. Through some research (I clicked a couple of links) I found the Nick Fanon Wiki (which is now called the Fiction Foundry, a much more presentable and professional name). I thought it was ridiculous, and got some brief enjoyment out of reading it. While reading a page I noticed a lot of them were made by a person named IAmBagel. I briefly looked through his page and left. I would forget about that page for a while.
Flash forward almost a year. I'm on my computer. I'm 14, maybe 15. I'm completely bored. I'm just sitting there, thinking of what to do, when it hits me: the Nick Fanon Wiki. I sit up and furiously start pounding the URL into my browser, hoping to pass the time until my mom calls me for dinner or I discover masturbation or something.
I don't remember how, but I found my self back at IAmBagel's page, and wow! Sitting in his profile picture was the most appealing character design I had ever seen! I thought is was a Scraggy from Pokemon and went, "Ah, that's cool." I really wish that story ended there.
Through some circumstances that may or may not have involved snooping on IAmBagel's deviantart page, I found out that the Scraggy was actually Kururu from Sgt. Frog, also known as Keroro Gunso in its native Japan. Know that I knew the character, I went, "Ah, that's cool" and did some more research on him. Apparently he's a computer guy? Cool, I like computers. He eats a lot of curry? Okay. Huh, this gif of him is pretty funny. He's called the "Yellow Devil"? That's kind of goofy. I don't think they intended it that way.
And it went on from there. Every day I would look up fanart of Kururu on deviantart and relish. The more I looked up of him, the more I knew about Sgt. Frog, although I never watched an episode. At one point the realization hit me.
This show isn't funny.
Quite the opposite. In fact this show seemed quite embarrassing. Please note I had never watched an episode before making this judgement.
This doesn't seem like a big deal, but at that time, it was for me. At this point when I looked up fanart of the characters (I grew to like the character designs, and only their designs, of most of the crew except Dororo and Giroro), it was a lot less pleasing. I spread from deviantart and started finding fanart on tumblr (I am ashamed to say doing that played a part in the creation of my tumblr account). People commonly ship Keroro and Tamama, and I would look up fanart of that (Tamama is canon gay/bisexual, which is good, but I hate how the anime handles it). I remember distinctly browing the KeroTama tag on tumblr while listening to Boards of Canada's Geogaddi and feeling, although I didn't recognize it, depressed (I am also ashamed to say Sgt. Frog, of all things, started my depression). Depressed for no good reason other than I was obsessing over this terrible comedy anime series. When I started actually discovering more about the show, the more disappointed in it and in myself I became. Giroro has a crush on Natsumi? Uh, gross. I hate interspecies relationships. Tamama (the cute character who shouldn't have his character wasted as it is) farts a lot? Ha ha.
I tried to remedy these bad feelings by watching an episode. It was the 33rd episode, English dub. The frogs try to create a cartoon and they fail. This was probably the best episode to start on, and when I was finished, I told myself what I had just saw was perfect.
Looking back now, there definitely were some good parts to the episode. Overall, though, the English dub is quite unfunny, packed with unfunny references and dud lines. I gradually realized this and just became more depressed than before.
I tried to watch a few more episodes, some from the English dub, some subbed from the orginal Japanese. I watched the only good episode of Sgt. Frog I know of, the one with Tamama's twitter. That one was the English dub. Everything else was either unfunny (English dub) or unfunny and boring (Japanese). The more I watched, the more depressed I was. I started becoming less talkative at school. My grades fell a bit. When I waited for my mom at the parking lot, I would look at the cars passing by. I considered the possibility of suicide and how easy it would be. All I needed to do was jump in front of a car. I'm like 5 feet away. It would work. And I was even more obsessed with Sgt. Frog (its characters, not the show) in the end. I imagined what it would be like if they were real. I still think that now. Every time I thought of Tamama or Keroro I would get stomach pains. Yeah, this wasn't the best time for your therapist to be out sick for more than a month.
By the way, I checked up on IAmBagel's page while writing this comment, and he erased any trace of Sgt. Frog off of all his profiles. His wiki account's avatar is now a picture of that blue baseball woman from Steven Universe, and now is your typical Tumblr self-aggrandizing trash boy. Good for him. I followed his tumblr account because I appreciate when people do the right things for themselves.
At one point it became too much for me and I tried to find a solution. I tried to create my own characters to obsess over. They would look like the the Sgt. Frog characters (except Dororo and Giroro, who I hated) but be just different enough to not remind me of the show. At first I was excited. Yeah, my own character's, the way I wanted them! One of my first moves was to put a trapper hats on the characters, because that's what I thought they were at first, and I was disappointed when that wasn't true. I made some art; it is saved on a hard drive somewhere.
I've got to say, it lasted longer than I thought, but yeah, after a while, I was back to Sgt. Frog. Back came the depression and the stomach pains. I started reading the manga. It was boring. I blocked the website it was hosted on because I wanted to forget this series entirely, but that didn't last either. It was completely terrible, and I felt terrible. I was more impatient at school. I remember one time in English class when I lashed out at someone because they wanted to copy my work. That was an awful day.
And then one day that all kind of stopped.
I don't know how. I think one day I followed a Sgt. Frog fanatic on tumblr and after seeing their posts I started asking myself, "Is this really worth getting this worked up about?" and, this time, it stopped. I still hated the show, but now I felt more comfortable with obsessing over the character(design)s. My current avatar on a lot of websites is an image of Tamama. Writing this is kind of bringing those stomach pains back so I may have to change it once more. Either way, it didn't affect me as more. My grades improved, and I finished the year first in my class. Now its summer vacation, and I'm using my time wisely by venting on Newgrounds flash games.
As for the future of me and Sgt. Frog, I'd like to forget about the characters and go back to creating my own. I should go back to editing those old characters. Maybe add hair to them; I didn't do that the first time and it was to their detriment. I might take a graphic design class at my new high school (I'm moving) so I could learn some pointers their, and college probably has some character design class. I'm afraid of having my creative media judged by the teacher and my colleagues, though, so that may not happen. I could just teach myself. I'll look it up later.
I wonder if IAmBagel knows how much he has affected someone's life. I have no ill will against him despite how depressed Sgt. Frog made me.
As for this game, I hate Sgt. Frog so I hate this game by association. 0/10, 0/5, F-, no stars.
There's no editing your comments on Newgrounds, but there's no way I'm reading all that again, so your going to have to deal with any errors I make. Newgrounds is also telling me not to post any stupid nonsense, but everything that gets posted to this website is stupid nonsense, and everything hasn't been taken down, so I don't think my long treatise on how I hate anime will be affected much by this rule.
Fuck Sgt. Frog.
Also, the creator of this show, Mine Yoshizaki, made Arcade Gamer Fubuki, an anime about a underage girl that flashes her panties to the viewers in order to be good at video games. Just keep that fun, fun fact in mind every time you enjoy one of his works.