being able to tell a story WELL helps in newgrounds.
it was a random jumble of this and that and was very hard to follow.
1 go in to detail
2 follow a real plot not some vegue idea.
3 things dont just happen. make your character explore and such
4 grow up. seriously. at your stage in human develop ment im sorry to say but most people dont have the mental capability to tell stories well. and their thoughts are to abstract and arbatrary
well better luck when youre older bud.