00:00
00:00
Newgrounds Background Image Theme

LenaSkulls just joined the crew!

We need you on the team, too.

Support Newgrounds and get tons of perks for just $2.99!

Create a Free Account and then..

Become a Supporter!

Animated Book

Share Collapse

Author Comments

A sad story I wrote, I hope you enjoy it =)

***UPDATE***

thanks for all the positive and helpful reviews, it was good replying to them all instead of just being bored doing nothing, lol.

Anyways, as a few people found it hard how to turn the page, I thought it would be a good idea to let everyone know that it was the animated dots at the end of each page that turned the page, sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Log in / sign up to vote & review!

Newgrounds accounts are free and registered users see fewer ads!

Hmm..

Alright, first off, I think the whole story and idea behind it are great.

But, don't get me wrong here, it's just boring the way you told it. The story on itself: superb. The way it's told: bad.
Let me explain what's wrong:
- grammar and spelling mistakes
- way too long, too many repeats of the same thing. I continuely had the feeling that things you used 4 or more sentances for could be described in 1 short sentance.
- the plot could be seen coming from a mile away. I think it would be more of a tear-jerker if you could make it so one doesn't expect the sad ending.
- You tried to use too much emotion on the character. I think, to me atleast, it would 'feel' sadder if that part was left to the imagination of the 'reader'/viewer.

I liked the book, especially when flipping the pages, very much. Did you draw that or did you use AS? About those buttons with MC's in them you placed all over the place: it's a very good idea, and most of them were great, but some were just a tad... childish. Like the ambulance sound, and the falling tears. That kinda ruined the 'sad' mood.

Alot of whining here, but that's only because this has alot of potential and I'd hate to see that not being used as well as it could be.

Good luck on your next animated book/animation!

COUNTYGATES responds:

Well I'm glad you liked the whole story and the idea behind it and yes, I'm aware of all the grammar and spelling mistakes and it was probably a bit silly of me to not proof read it before making the book, but i put it together at like 4am or something like that so I just didn't have the energy to do it, lol. Admittedly, I am not a very good story writer because it's just not what I do, I guess I'm just more of a thinker. I actually never read either, I think I've read like 1 book in my life apart from the ones forced upon me by the education system so that is probably another reason why I'm not too good. But thanks for the tips, it's good to get some constructive critism from a writer.

Well the flipping pages is essentially just gradient shapes I drew in flash and then shape tweened. It's very easy and the gradient I thought was just a nice effect. Yeah, my teacher did complain about the ambulance sound and christmas music, I guess I was just trying to add (uneccessary) variation, because I know how the story is quite slow paced and some people will probably get bored of it.

Well I will try work on my story telling if I do decide to write another story, because I do have a couple more ideas.

Thanks for the review

Great story!

Graphics-Well, the score on the graphics is kinda low because there really weren't any graphics to judge. But that doesn't affect in anyway the overall score.

Style-The style on this was pretty good. You told the story in a very nicely way. But unfortunately, there were some spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes. Which doesn't really matter because you can still understand. My only point here is that if you decide on making another animated book, it would be a good idea to check your spelling and grammar so that your book may look that it was done in a more professional way. :)

Sound-The music, which I recognized was from FFX-2, suited the plot and the symbolism of the book. Very well done on the selection of music. I also liked how you included those mini-sounds where you would point your cursor at. Such as the beeping sound and the ambulance. That was a very significant detail you included there. Nice job!

Violence- There really wasn't any, I suppose.

Interactvity- The interactivity on this was awesome. It's what makes this submission great. Pointing your cursor over words couldn't be this great. Which I think must have cost a lot of work with actionscript but nonetheless, adding this detail truly made the book seem more realistic.

Humor- Well, uhh, I don't think there wasn't any humor in this.

Overall-Nice job. My suggestions: If you decide to make another animated book, it would be great if you included the following. You could boost your interactivity score more than it was by allowing the viewer to select the events. Such as having the viewer choose the character's fate. It would be also great if you could make some type of background, such as a desk with a cup holding pens whatso ever. And last but not least, it would be great if you could include pictures as well, which could probably boost your graphic's score a bit. All in all, very nice job on this. Good luck on your future submissions.

COUNTYGATES responds:

Yeah I know, I didn't really proof read it until the end so I couldn't really fix it or the layout of text on each page would of had to change which would have just been long, but next time I'll be sure to type my story out in word and prrof read it first

I actually had in mind the suggestions you made for if I did make another animated book, particular the idea of the user choosing the fate of the character because I already had a story in mind which had 2 endings. I'll have to see how it goes but thanks for the review and advice

Good job man

This book/movie almost made me cry. Good job and i hope u make more movies like this but nicer and happier.

COUNTYGATES responds:

Thanks for the review...Im glad u enjoyed it and hopefully I'll come up with some more material later on =)

I loved this.

I ended up crying @ work but its worth it. I loved the animation of the words and sound that went with it. Kudos 2 U!

COUNTYGATES responds:

Well I hope it didn't interfere with your work too much and thanks for the review =)

uhhhhh

Is this flash/game had an icon, then I think it could've gone on the front page

COUNTYGATES responds:

Well I've added an icon but I doubt a flash with a score like this will ever make front page, but thanks for the review in any case =)

Credits & Info

Views
4,195
Faves:
8
Votes
22
Score
4.16 / 5.00

Uploaded
Aug 7, 2006
2:46 PM EDT