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Castlevania Priest Battle

rated 2.98 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Jul 31, 2001 | 11:08 PM EDT
  • Daily Feature August 2, 2001

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Author Comments

In the NES game parody of ours, Simon is back in town after killing Dracula in Castlevania 2... but now he finds that the priest won't even restore his health! It's quite obvious that this shit-talkin' priest needs to be taught a lesson or two!

Controls are:
Z = Jump
X = Whip
Click or Spacebar = Start

(if you have problems controlling the character, just click on the game and the problem will resolve itself

And don't forget to return to town after you beat the game, because there's a "Secret Button" on your keyboard that you'll DEFINITELY want to push while you're in town! >:) You WILL need to CLOSE THE WINDOW and re-open the game to return to town just so you know. And you DON'T have to beat the game to access the secret item, but isn't it more fun to save it for last? And it doesn't tell you what the secret button is, you gotta figure out that for yourself! ;)

Enjoy the blasphemy of Priest Battle!
If you want to play it without the newgrounds pop-up ads or download it, you can get it at:



Rated 5 / 5 stars

like Mary Poppins, it is perfect in every way...

i killed jesus!!! woooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! !!!!
this kicked ass!


Rated 5 / 5 stars


I LOVED it! it's simply one of the best protal entries there is! I like how simon disposes of god's "gift" at the end:D.


Rated 5 / 5 stars

This Thing Kicked So Much Ass.

The Game Was So Funny, I Remeber When I Played That When I Was 10 HEHE I Was Evil I Used To Save Up And Get All The Kick Ass Stuff Like Potions Take Time Gettign The Books And ECT. Well Since That Sorry Hore Took So Long To Heal On My Game I Wanted To Kill Him And BitchSlap Jesus..

Thanks For The Game....


Rated 5 / 5 stars


Why the hell is it so damned hard to whoop Jesus' ass??!! Hey, did I catch a "Dead Alive" refference in there??

Mockery responds:

Yes indeed you did! "I Kickass For The Lord" is a reference to Dead Alive, one of the greatest horror/comedy films of all time. Glad someone got the reference! :)


Rated 4.5 / 5 stars


Fucking beautiful! Any Simon's Quest fan (or Castlvania fan or Nintendo fan or anyone with a sense of humor) must play this!!! It's funny as hell, though I'm not sure if Jesus-freaks or people who aren't Simon's Quest fans will fully appretiate this work of art. I don't know how you got it to be JUST like Simon's Quest was (minus the cool items in his pack) but you did a great job with it. I fucking loved it. And anyone who never played Simon's Quest (if they're out there) should download it NOW.