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Castlevania Priest Battle

rated 2.98 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Jul 31, 2001 | 11:08 PM EDT
  • Daily Feature August 2, 2001

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Author Comments

In the NES game parody of ours, Simon is back in town after killing Dracula in Castlevania 2... but now he finds that the priest won't even restore his health! It's quite obvious that this shit-talkin' priest needs to be taught a lesson or two!

Controls are:
Z = Jump
X = Whip
Click or Spacebar = Start

(if you have problems controlling the character, just click on the game and the problem will resolve itself

And don't forget to return to town after you beat the game, because there's a "Secret Button" on your keyboard that you'll DEFINITELY want to push while you're in town! >:) You WILL need to CLOSE THE WINDOW and re-open the game to return to town just so you know. And you DON'T have to beat the game to access the secret item, but isn't it more fun to save it for last? And it doesn't tell you what the secret button is, you gotta figure out that for yourself! ;)

Enjoy the blasphemy of Priest Battle!
If you want to play it without the newgrounds pop-up ads or download it, you can get it at:



Rated 5 / 5 stars

one word...Amazing!

Yo this was incredible. Castlevania, killin jesus, music is great, and best of all you get to do it yourself, not just watch it! It would've been cool to be able to whip jesus yourself at the end. I would've probably spent a few hours just doing that..The secret was cool. Pretty funny shizzle. Also, screw all of you who give away the secret!


Rated 4 / 5 stars

okay I wasn't gonna review this... but

but I had to review it after I read through other reviews (admittedly hoping to find out the secret button) and saw the religious zealots condemning you, one of em called you a son of a bitch and told you to go to hell, what about in your religion wh ere it says to turn the other cheek and all th at crap? not very "christian" of you to tellhim to go to hell... sure it coulda been funnier, but beating up jesus is a gold mine, e deserves it, non existant figure of contradiction. It's true, if there was a god why do women get raped? why are some children born handicapped? if we all came from adam and eve doesn't that make us all inbred? if there were only 2 of each animal on the ark what the hell did the carnivores eat? can god make a rock so heavy he can't lift it? if before god made the world there was no light and only darkness does that mean he came from darkness? and if were created in his image how do you explain all the evil in the world? anywho sorry to go off on a rant there, if ya wanna have faith in that religion... it's fine but when you start yelling at people for having a different oppinion it's mine and the duty of anyone with intelligence to put you guys in your place, mr mockery keep up the good work, honestly this only ranks liek 4th in my oppinion of all the good stuff you've done but it's still good, and the jesus freaks picking on you bumps the score I'm gonna give you up from a 4 to a 5

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Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Very funny stuff :)

The final credits animation with Simon whipping jesus almost made me choke on my milk I laff'd so hard (made me think instantly of Alex's fantasy from Clockwork Orange)...

Only 2 small complaints, jesus was drawn horribly!!! (maybe a sprite from NES bible adbentures or sumthing would have worked better), and you can't attack while jumping, heh

Simon is just as hard to control as the original game tho... *simon gets hit by random enemy* OOF! *watches helplessly as simon falls off edge of platform to his doom* ;P

Normaly I'd give this a 3, but I think it deserves a 5 for all the unfair 0's the religious zombies probably gave it (instead of voting fairly).


Rated 4 / 5 stars

This game kicks ass

This game is the shit, I mean, who wouldn't be able to relieve religious tension with this game. If only it were playable during church for a PDA!!!

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Rated 5 / 5 stars


Teach jesus a lesson for misleading all those desperate people who somehow believe his bullshit!
This game just can't get any better than this!!!