Castlevania Priest Battle

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In the NES game parody of ours, Simon is back in town after killing Dracula in Castlevania 2... but now he finds that the priest won't even restore his health! It's quite obvious that this shit-talkin' priest needs to be taught a lesson or two!

Controls are:
Z = Jump
X = Whip
Click or Spacebar = Start

(if you have problems controlling the character, just click on the game and the problem will resolve itself

And don't forget to return to town after you beat the game, because there's a "Secret Button" on your keyboard that you'll DEFINITELY want to push while you're in town! >:) You WILL need to CLOSE THE WINDOW and re-open the game to return to town just so you know. And you DON'T have to beat the game to access the secret item, but isn't it more fun to save it for last? And it doesn't tell you what the secret button is, you gotta figure out that for yourself! ;)

Enjoy the blasphemy of Priest Battle!
If you want to play it without the newgrounds pop-up ads or download it, you can get it at:


i cant beat jesus


Nice little diversion, but...

I don't appreciate seeing my Lord and Saviour being caricatured and mocked, but since you're going to hell anyway, I suppose we'll call this one even. 8^p
This was kinda fun, though!



it is surprising


SHIT!!! Jesus is fucking cheap! This was a great game but there is one drawback. Jesus is a cheap piece shit and the layout for his level sucks donkey balls. But other than that, it was cool.

Is it possible to kill Jesus?

Pros: Its a lot of fun to play and the concept of killing Jesus is funny.

Cons: The controls are bad enough that I can't stop myself from running into the water in the battle with Jesus.

Overall: Good

Mockery responds:

Jesus is much harder to kill than the Priest, and we wanted it that way. (the guy has been nailed to a cross for a long time, he's GOT to be tough by now, right?) But it's VERY possible to kill him. A lot of people have killed him on the first try believe it or not! (which is pretty amazing, I sure as hell didn't kill him that easily, and I helped make the game!)

The way to beat Jesus is to watch for the pattern in which he moves. When he swoops down he's vulnerable. If you get too close to the edge, yes you'll fall in the water. So tap the opposite direction real quick and you won't fall in.

Thanks again for the comments, it's so good to see everyone is really enjoying this game we worked so hard on. Good luck on defeating Jesus!

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Credits & Info

2.98 / 5.00

Jul 31, 2001
11:08 PM EDT
Action - Other
  • Daily Feature August 2, 2001