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I can't have kids, man!

17,665 Views | 225 Replies
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I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:23:55


This is no joke topic.

For the sake of those who care, I'll direct you to a previous thread about certain forms of experimentation that I performed on myself.

To make a long story short, I went to the Doc's office today after the second bout of blood-drippings from my anus (accompanied by renewed pain), because I was really getting worried about my health, and it turns out things are a lot worse than I ever imagined.

When I sat on the dildic wand, after slipping on the semen, it turns out I severely damaged my prostate gland. I collapsed part of the structure that borders the front end of the rectum, and caused a slight tear in the rectal tissue itself.

Long story short, I have to have the prostate removed. That's fucking right, you heard me; a goddamn PROSTATECTOMY.

The doctors tell me that this will unfortunately render me IMPOTENT.

God, I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking stupid for even trying this, and now, whenever I finally find the right girl to make love to, I won't be able to have genetic descendants.

Let my story serve as a cautionary tale to you guys: Your testicles, your prostate, your seminal vesicles; these are precious things. Protect them with your life.

(warning, picture mildly NSFW)

I can't have kids, man!

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:24:54


Sorry.


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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:25:26


At 4/14/08 12:24 AM, Corky52 wrote: Sorry.

seconded.

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:25:56


Ouch.

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:26:18


sorry

seconded


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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:28:19


Ouch.This is very sad,man.Just goes to show you life's a bitch.


Credit for my sig goes to Torkelson. +++The Zombie Survival Crew+++Link in my sig goes to Earfetish's website,which has the best stories ever.

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:28:26


I couldn't help but laugh.


wut

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:29:58


That sucks, sorry.


At 5/11/59 09:17 PM, Wolverine said:

| No no-neck redneck dumps on my wife and gets away with it!

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:30:08


Well, that sucks. Maybe you can get a mechano-dick when they exist.

Still no kids ever though, that's a doozie.


What can a thoughtful man hope for mankind on Earth, given the experience of the past million years? Nothing

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:30:27


At 4/14/08 12:28 AM, CopperChaos wrote: I couldn't help but laugh.

I almost don't blame you for doing so.

Life is a cruel, ironic beast; just when you thought you were rounding third base, the pitcher of life tags you out.

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:32:12


This is the saddest story Ive ever read, plus, Im about to throw up.. That wand, my god.. Im scared now.. I wont try anything like that in my whole fuking life.. Dude.. Im sorry for u, Ill give u some of my semen if u want.

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:32:23


I feel sorry for ya, man. I think I know the frustration you're going through. The kind of frustration that makes you on the verge of crying, amirite?

Sorry for your loss. You have my sympathy, and hopefully no future empathy.


\ \ \- - - - - - - - - -/ / / 1 \ \ \-|||-/ / / 2 \ \ \- - - - - - - - - -/ / /

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:32:47


what the hell were you thinking?
Even I wouldn't do that, and I'm an attention whore

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:33:00


At 4/14/08 12:30 AM, LardLord wrote:
At 4/14/08 12:28 AM, CopperChaos wrote: I couldn't help but laugh.
I almost don't blame you for doing so.

Life is a cruel, ironic beast; just when you thought you were rounding third base, the pitcher of life tags you out.

Are you Kirk Johnson by any chance? O.o

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:33:26


Wow, even I feel sorry for you...


I am Darknessium, I do not forgive, I do not forget.

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:33:39


Wow, that's definitely worse than anything that happened to me in my life

in fact, my life kicks ass!

NG's Useless One Liner-er (just kidding Evark, don't ban me :S)

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yeh

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:39:07


At 4/14/08 12:36 AM, Sarcasm wrote: You're quite the wily one, Bolo!

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

I can't have kids, man!

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:39:22


There would be a possibility for you
At least theoreticaly
before you do this operaion and become impotent excract someof your sperm somehow
go to the doctors and see if it's possible to excract it directly from your testicles (if they still make sperm)
inject that sperm to your girlfriend (Vitro) and you have kids of your own

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:40:01


im sorry

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:42:11


Naw, but seriously.

Bolo handed off this account to me after that scandal.

He thought he was going to leave Newgrounds forever, but decided to stay, and let me keep his old alt. I'm still good friends with him IRL, and he can confirm this incident.

He actually dared me to do this, but I don't fault him. I was the one who inserted the wand.

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:47:17


did you check if there's any way at all to get the semen preserved?

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:47:21


You know, when I read your other thread describing the incident, I was kind of expecting this.

Sucks, dood, but you seriously shoved that thing seven inches in? Wow, what the fuck is wrong with you?


why would you delete my forum sig i barely even fucking use this shitty website anymore you sneaky cunt idiot

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:50:59


At 4/14/08 12:39 AM, LardLord wrote:
At 4/14/08 12:36 AM, Sarcasm wrote: You're quite the wily one, Bolo!
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

So your nice little stories were false.

):
awh man.


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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:53:07


well if it makes you feel any better gay people cant either


Awesome

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 00:54:05


At 4/14/08 12:50 AM, Rudy wrote:
At 4/14/08 12:39 AM, LardLord wrote:
At 4/14/08 12:36 AM, Sarcasm wrote: You're quite the wily one, Bolo!
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
So your nice little stories were false.

):
awh man.
At 4/14/08 12:48 AM, Grubby wrote: So, are you petroleum?

Already explained that shit.

Bolo was Petroleum. He fucked with a whole bunch of people, before admitting he tricked everybody. Then he handed off the account to me, a real life close friend of his.

The way his mind works is just fucking weird. I don't know why he did what he did, but I was happy to accept this account from him.

Can we please get back to discussing the problem at hand, now?

Do you guys know of any ways I can preserve my semen in some form of cryo-stasis chamber? Have you heard of any ways?

Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 01:01:13


At 4/14/08 12:39 AM, Argentin wrote: There would be a possibility for you
At least theoreticaly
before you do this operaion and become impotent excract someof your sperm somehow
go to the doctors and see if it's possible to excract it directly from your testicles (if they still make sperm)
inject that sperm to your girlfriend (Vitro) and you have kids of your own

or just have it frozen.


WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 01:04:09


you have my condolences.....but the docters said it MAY render you impotent.....so there's hope.


thanks for the sig Phobotech

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 01:05:32


At 4/14/08 01:04 AM, TAUfanatic wrote: you have my condolences.....but the docters said it MAY render you impotent.....so there's hope.

oh shit I read it wrong........sorry for the false hope......I'm just making it worse aren't I?........


thanks for the sig Phobotech

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Response to I can't have kids, man! 2008-04-14 01:08:52


You could probably go to a sperm bank before the operation and masturbate furiously, then when you want kids, bring your lady down there and do the artificial insemination thing.


____________________________Bel-Air remixes! You must listen!____________________________

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