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A little ghost story.

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A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 13:55:08


AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: This was supposed to be the crown jewel in my short story thread. But it grew into one that deserved its own thread. Special thanks to both Jade and Alice for giving me Mod approval to post this. I also wish to thank those Mods and NG Regulars who agreed to be in this story. Since this is a feature-length story, don't expect instant gratification as in my short story thread. But, I put a lot of effort into my stories, I update chapters often, and I finish all of my stories. PM me if you'd like to get a PM after each chapter is posted. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

--- Chapter One ---

House of Sorrows
_______________________________

You know, I always wanted to ride in a Cadillac. And the funny part is, my wish came true! But I don't think you came here for that. I know what you really want. Still, I'm going to tell you everything that happened here...... And you're going to sit there, and you're going to listen. Or, you're not going to get what you want.

* * * * * * * *

They were a young family, well; except for the husband. He was a bit older. He was also the only one who wasn't creeped out when the family moved into the house that was built just 10 years ago. They pulled up in their brand new car, a 1957 Chevy BelAir. Nowadays, it's a classic. The house still looked new back then. The original owners stayed in the house until it became obvious that no more houses would be built in the surrounding area. They finally got fed up with being in such an isolated spot. Funny how it took them 10 years. The husband of the new family had a successful business. He sold it, and retired early in life. His name was Jesse Ray. His wife wasn't too attractive, but his son and daughter were adorable. She was about eight years old when they moved in.

Keep in mind that all of this is information that I got second-hand. But soon, you'll know what I experienced.

A few days after moving into the house, Jesse hired a young Black man to trim some of the over-grown weeds and hedges. After awhile, he went outside to check on the young man's progress. His daughter was there..... having a polite conversation with the young man. Jesse called to her, in a polite, even tone of voice. The two of them went back inside. Jesse wanted to ask his daughter a question.....

"Sweetie, you remember that little talk we had about the negro who was going to be doing some work around the house?"

"Yes daddy." She replied.

"Well that's good! Now are you sure you remember what it was that daddy told you to do when he was here?"

"Yes daddy." She replied again.

Jesse bent down...... and he back-handed the little girl! She went flying across the kitchen floor. He picked her up with one hand, by grabbing a fist-full of her hair. As the blood slowly poured out of her nose, Jesse held her by her hair as he shouted at her.....

"Then why did you disobey me?! I told you to stay in your room while he's here at the house! He's not your fat cow of a mom! He doesn't have time for your stupid questions! When I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done! You're old enought to know better! Now get in the bathroom, clean yourself up, and go upstairs!"

She ran off crying, straight to the bathroom. Jesse grabbed an axe and went outside to talk to the hired help.

"How are those weeds coming along?" Asked Jesse.

"Oh I should be done within the hour, Sir."

"Fine, that's fine...... Oh, when you're done there's a small tree in the backyard that needs to be cut down. Should be no problem for someone like you. I'll just leave this axe over here. When you're done with the tree, come inside. The Mrs. will see to it that you're well fed." Said Jesse with a smile.

"Thank you, Sir." Replied the young man.

That was the first, real incident of violence at the house. There would be more..... many more. But I guess you already know that part. So we might as well skip ahead.

* * * * * * * *

It was a surprisingly cold Summer day this year when the family was first shown the house. None of them liked it. Couldn't really blame them. It wasn't the same place it was back in 1957, or even back in 1995. Oh no, not the same. The realtor did her best to fake a smile. But the family wasn't buying it; literally!

"I'm sorry, but this is nothing at all what we're looking for." Said Link Silvermane.

"But, you haven't even stepped inside."

"And we're not going to!" Replied his wife.

"Jen, please.... I'll handle this." Said Link.

"Mom's right. It's a fucking dump!" Replied his daughter Jade.

"I'm sorry, my daughter Jade tends to be a bit blatantly honest. This just isn't the place for us. My other daughter wouldn't even get out of the SUV. Sorry..... Not this place."

The realtor had taken a chance on unloading the house. She failed miserably, and was glad that the family was still willing to give her another chance. As the four of them climbed back into the SUV, Alice looked up.

"Can we please go now?"

Link could feel the fear in her voice as they pulled away.

* * * * * * * *

"This place is great!" Shouted Nikole, when she saw the house her new husband had bought.

"Nothing's too good for my 'LittleMissVixen.'" Replied Lord-Macer with a smile.

His name was Macer, but he had lied to his young wife. (She was only 18). And told her that he was now a genuine Lord..... for having rescued a member of the royal family from certain death. They had been childhood sweet hearts. After planning to marry, Macer broke off the relationship. He was gone for three years. When he came back, he was appartently a hero; at least in England. That was back in 1995. The house looked better back then. Still, it was a fixer-upper. The young couple spent the day trying to decide which project to tackle first.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 14:02:11


good so far, no ghosts yet!


sleep 18 hours, party 24

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 14:02:37


This is a "little" story?


No! YOU shut up!

/pout

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 14:03:09


I love it so far, Mono. Your stories are excellent!

cud i has a prt plz?

hurrrddurrrrrrrr

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 14:05:09


At 7/25/07 02:03 PM, Demean wrote: I love it so far, Mono. Your stories are excellent!

cud i has a prt plz?

LOL !

You already signed up for it you forgetful bastard! :P

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 14:30:53


At 7/25/07 02:05 PM, Monocrom wrote:
At 7/25/07 02:03 PM, Demean wrote: I love it so far, Mono. Your stories are excellent!

cud i has a prt plz?
LOL !

You already signed up for it you forgetful bastard! :P

I did? When?


hurrrddurrrrrrrr

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 14:41:34


This is not little, but for once I don't feel like sending this thread to the ASA (Advertising Standards Authority). Good lies are good, in this case long is good.

Well done on a good build-up. Lots of characters being introduced, so much so I will have to pen down who is related to who (and maybe later, who kills who? Hey Dear :P)

Keep it up. I wish NG allowed paragraphs as well. *sigh* I find I read much slower without paragraphs. But besides from an NG problem, I didn't see anything wrong with this introduction. Careful with the large bucket of characters though, everyone has a story to be told I hope :) *waits for Jades'*

I know you've been busy, but I would also love some form of review of what I've been writing... :( There's been about five chapters since your last post!

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 15:25:39


At 7/25/07 02:41 PM, Sarai wrote:
I know you've been busy, but I would also love some form of review of what I've been writing... :( There's been about five chapters since your last post!

Oh crap! Sorry!
My job has become even more exhausting than before. I promise to be caught up by this weekend.

BTW, glad you like the story so far. I guarantee a mind-blowing ending! I was shocked as Hell too when it popped into my head! :)

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 15:30:41


Loving it :D

Although I had problems understanding something...

It was a surprisingly cold Summer day this year when the family was first shown the house. None of them liked it. Couldn't really blame them. It wasn't the same place it was back in 1957, or even back in 1995. Oh no, not the same. The realtor did her best to fake a smile. But the family wasn't buying it; literally!

From that point on, it`s a completely different family right ? The one who will come into the house in which Jesse Ray lived ?

Sorry, I`m that stupid :P

Amazing story man... keep me updated !!!


<3

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 15:38:53


I enjoyed it so far, with great oppurtunities for character developement showing themselves, as well as many character introduced themselves. The tension has been built up rather slow and striking in the case of the inevitable violence. I also like the time scale stretching. It's a very nice technique if you can pull it off. Despite other comments in the thread, I wish it was a little longer (I know, I know, thread title etc.) because I get too engaged in reading once I start.

Looking forward to the rest of it.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 15:40:40


At 7/25/07 03:30 PM, NeoSoviet wrote: Loving it :D

Although I had problems understanding something...

It was a surprisingly cold Summer day this year when the family was first shown the house. None of them liked it. Couldn't really blame them. It wasn't the same place it was back in 1957, or even back in 1995. Oh no, not the same. The realtor did her best to fake a smile. But the family wasn't buying it; literally!

From that point on, it`s a completely different family right ? The one who will come into the house in which Jesse Ray lived ?

Sorry, I`m that stupid :P

Amazing story man... keep me updated !!!

Okay, I'll keep you updated..... And yes, the family from 1957 is completely different than the family in 2007, which is different from the married couple in 1995. All of them have one thing in common, the house. And yes, all the time periods will interconnect.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 15:56:49


Oh man I would have waited an eternity for this!

I cant wait to see the next chapter.

Also girls getting slapped, wow.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 16:41:55


so far i like the story but no ghosts yet

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 17:12:51


And by the way, I've seen every single Japanese haunted house horror story of note in the last 15 years :) I will be sure to name film reminders from every chapter :)

I'm going to have to go for the original TV series of Ju-On 'The Grudge', being a series of families who move into a haunted house with a history. The Japanese version spans multiple time periods with flash backs, fast forwards and general time plot confusion.

The original plot revolves around a woman killed by her abusive husband and wrapped up in cling film in the loft. It's pretty spooky the original series, although the two movie versions have more jump points.

Good writing, a real achievement if you make it creepier than the films I've seen before :)


The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 18:07:57


wow, great stuff, can't wait for more.

now I need to rearrange my sig, darn short sig rules now.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-25 22:29:15


Oh hellz yes, another Monocrom story!

So far we've got enough character introductions that we'll need multiple chapters just to get backstory on all of them, so I'm thinking this 'little' story will be pretty freakin big. That's probly a good thing though since you'll have people in here begging for more updates and asking for the next dose of their favorite e-drug soon enough. Thanks for the PM Monocrom!

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-26 08:58:53


...was gonna ask you if I could be in the story.

Then I actually read the chapter.

1) I'm in the story...yesss!!!
2) I'm Jen's hubby...cool!
3) I'm the farther of both Jade and Alice...WTF?!? 0_0 Godlike!

I think Fyndir said it best.

Incredibly awesome, man.


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-26 11:17:09


At 7/25/07 05:12 PM, Sarai wrote: And by the way, I've seen every single Japanese haunted house horror story of note in the last 15 years :)

Ha! I haven't seen any of them! That's right..... everything is original, and out of my head! W00t!

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 02:36:32


--- Chapter Two ---

A Sad Day
____________________

1957

Jesse Ray was having a good day. A month had passed since he and his family moved into the house in upstate New York. The house had needed only minimal restoration. Thanks to the hired help, the restoration was over by that morning. The news had put a smile on Jesse's face. By that afternoon, he had finished doing the math. Turns out, he had spent less money restoring the house than he had expected. Jesse decided to treat himself to a new fishing rod, and drove into town. Everyone knew that Walker's General store had the best rods in town. Jesse parked across the street from the store.

He saw the car at the last minute..... just as he was half way across the street. Poor Jesse..... Old man Walker called for an ambulance. When it arrived, they took what was left of Jesse Ray away.

* * * * * * * *
2007

Link Silvermane and his wife couldn't believe they were back, taking another look at the house. This time, the realtor and their daughters weren't with them.

"Tell me again what happened at work, Jen." Said Link.

His wife told him again about the telephone conversation she'd had that morning with one of the company's biggest clients.....

"The thing I don't understand is why you would do something like that." Said Mr. Vanning
"Well Sir, you said that the system wasn't working reliably and...."
"Yes, I know what I said. Our security system was having a few problems with false alarms. I needed a tech specialist and your name was brought up by the Head of that department. When I contacted your boss, he said you're the best person for the job. Now, I feel as if they both lied to me. I mean..... you knew we had a problem with false alarms. So you put alarms on each and every door in my building. Which naturally resulted in MORE false alarms! And because of that, my security officers are running around like chickens with their heads cut off; trying to acknowledge a false alarm every few seconds! It's ridiculous! I've asked your boss to get me someone who actually knows what they're doing. Good-bye."

Link still couldn't believe his ears. He too was curious as to why she had done that. But was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. His wife told him anyway.

"He didn't let me explain. I put the electronic alarms on each door so that I could test out the system. To see where the problem was. But I've been so busy with several other clients that I honestly forgot about Mr. Vanning. So I never went back to check on the problem. I know, I know..... it was a stupid mistake. And it cost us the house we really wanted."

Link saw that she was about to cry, so he put his arms around her, and called her by the pet-name that she loved.....

"There, there. It's all going to be okay, tigerkitty. The important thing is that we get out of the city, and all the bullshit that goes on there. That's what matters most. And this house is going to allow us to do that..... just as easily as the other one would. Besides, the realtor lowered the price on it even more. It needs more work than the house we really liked, but that's a minor thing. Let's buy it and celebrate! This is far from a sad day."

Tigerkitty faked the most convincing smile she could. Hollywood would have been proud.

* * * * * * * *
1995

As Nikole sat out on the porch in her yellow sun-dress, sipping lemonade, Lord-Macer dreaded the news he was about to give her.

"Hey Nikole....."

"Oh, that's not good. You only use my real name when you have bad news." She said.

"We're going to need help renovating the house. And you know we don't have the money to hire help. One of my friends has agreed to help us out."

"Which one?" She asked sweetly.

"The one you don't like." He replied sheepishly.

"Fyndir?" She replied with a smirk.

"Baby, I know you don't like him. But he agreed to help us out. And the truth is, I'd really appreciate it if you'd give him a chance. He's helped me out a lot in the past. Those three years when we were apart, I had some very rough times in London. When I left you, it was a mistake. And during those rough times, Fyndir helped me out quite a bit. So please...... just give him a chance. For me, okay?"

She smiled up at him with a look of genuine love in her eyes. She looked like an Angel.

"Okay. I guess I really don't have a good reason for not liking him. Can't like everyone, I guess. But for you, I'll give him a chance. I'll give him more than a chance. I promise." She replied.

"Aww..... that's my LittleMissVixen. I knew you wouldn't let me down."

He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

"But since I'm doing you a favor, could you do one for me?" She said.

"Anything for my LittleMissVixen." He replied.

"Good! Next time when you have to use the bathroom, please take soft steps towards the bathroom. You woke me up last night with all that stomping." She said.

"I didn't get up last night, Sweetie."

"Well sure you did, I heard you. I wish I wasn't such a light sleeper. So please, just a little bit more quietly next time, okay?" She replied.

"Okay, Sweetie." He said with a smile.

Macer didn't want to argue with her. Especially about something so trivial. He was smart enough to just agree with his wife, and move on..... Even though he knew he hadn't gotten up last night at all.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 02:52:19


I enjoyed the latest installment. More decent character development and some intriguing dialogue. Again, I wish it were just a little bit longer to satisfy my "ohmygodwhatsgonnahappen" needs. I suppose that's a personal thing :P

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 06:02:32


Whoa that was LONG! (and boring(kinda))

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 08:24:03


I couldn't get much into it, but the last part got my attention, first sign of ghosts.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 08:33:40


At 7/29/07 06:02 AM, isuckandsoyou wrote: Whoa that was LONG! (and boring(kinda))

Was it? I hadn't noticed.

I thought it was pretty damned enjoyable stuff. Pure awesomeness, to be precise.

If you think that's long, I suggest you find yourself a nice pop-up book and spend the afternoon reading it.


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 10:19:27


At 7/29/07 02:36 AM, Monocrom wrote: and called her by the pet-name that she loved.....

Oh bestiality.

I loved it. Thanks for adding the "timeline" things, it helps retarded people like me understand better =3

I really enjoyed reading this... although just like Scarab I need it to be longeeeer ^^

<3


<3

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 10:28:48


Nice. The chapters I've read are ace. Lots of description and emotional building up.

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 10:43:16


omg make more!

Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 13:08:21


Ha. Bitch got splattered all over the street.


hurrrddurrrrrrrr

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 13:13:47


Oh dear, Jesse died. *_*

More to each chapter please, each small part of a time-frame is too condenced for one NG post.

Yes, I know I'm being demanding, but I want two chapters at once, or a long chapter, I need to drink this story in, because it's good!


The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 13:33:22


Nice one
A bit like The Shining
(Isolated house and all that!)


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Response to A little ghost story. 2007-07-29 14:09:10


great stories...

GO YOU!!!!!

FOR THAT...

I OFFICALLY GIVE YOU SKILLMAN13'S STAMP OF APPROVAL!

WELL IN!