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Almost getting caught, good thing my mom knocks first before coming in.
Nothing here anymore.
bump do not let this die
That one time where my willy fell off.
Any problem can be solved with a good pair of pants.
I once walked in on my Dad wanking. It was at night and I came in for something I dont remember, and he said instantly when I opened the door. "Malcolm can you go out please." I didn't see his wang but I know what he was doing coz the covers were down to his waist and his hands were in that area and I saw a lube bottle so I just calmly say "okay" and shut the door. Then I mouth the words "HOLY SHIT!"
Also one time I was at my Mum's and I was in the lounge on my matress on the floor where I sleep watching some random movie called "lets go to prison" (not porn its a comedy rly funny). And I was horny so I'm lien there "blowin mah load" when my Mum comes in. The door is behind me so I don't see her come in but I hear her and I cover my cock up and she just says "Malcolm you need to go to sleep soon" and I just say "okay" and she walks off never to speak of it again lmao.
If Heavy Metal is so evil, why would God create it? BECAUSE I FUCKING TOLD HIM TO, BITCH!!
At 6/14/08 03:02 AM, Skulsta wrote: Then I mouth the words "HOLY SHIT!"
Should've said it at the top of your voice and run out of the house crying...
What can't be cured must be endured
the scariest masturbation moment for me is when someone bumps a really old thread. it makes my nuts suck right back into my body for real.
At 6/13/08 03:14 PM, ngman7 wrote:
You'll must have bad parents or something-if my brother or I had done that my mother would have torn our butts up.
You got some psycho ass parents. Getting beat for masturbating?
man all these posts are funny and suck so much i've been cought a few times none really funny other than the the time i attacked my sister when she ran to tell i kick the crap out of my sister on a daily basis cuz she's a bitch and what sucks is she is going out with my bestfriend and what's even funnier is that i love her best friend (hot ass asian girl)
The amount of times someone came into my room as I had just cum was unbelievable when I was younger.
The WHOLE house would be silent for hours and would just get the urge. Whip it out and as I cum someone would run up the stairs to my room and ask me something out of the fucking blue. I don't know why I kept trying when people were in the house. It was so fucking frustrating.
So much underwear stained...
One time I thought my Mom had gone to work, I had heard her go down the hallway. I waited 2 minutes and then took it out and started jerking off in the lounge. I was feeling a little kinky too, so I started to moan (never moaned before) and I moaned quite loudly and I started saying stuff like "Oooh yeaah" and "Mmm fuck yeah!" then I heard my Moms high heel shoes coming down the lino hallway again...
We both pretended nothing happened.
I had my YouTube page open , and my dad came in to ask for some paper for his printer
So he asks me what did I upload to youtube , Suddenly I remember I put on tags like "lesbian , porn , sex , xxx" etc, for the views , and some porn pops up in the related videos.
he's like "what's that" I said "some crap that people upload" , and he left the room.
At 8/21/07 10:24 PM, IndyKid500 wrote: Once I had been using liquid soap as lube for a while, so I got pretty dry until one time a little thread of skin connecting the head and the shaft broke.I thought I had broken my penis.
Yeah something like that happened me as well.
I was really getting into it and just happened to look down and notice that it was COVERED IN BLOOD!!! Thankfully upon cleaning up (the blood, that is) I noticed a small split that was bleeding (the cause of the problem), what a relief!
lmfao these stories are funny as hell.
bumpin' the thread, i read all the stories already
|"My dick was in the Guinness Boom of World Records... Then I left the library.|
At 6/14/08 07:37 AM, aMikaBoo wrote: So much underwear stained...
I know the feeling...
The greatest pain is wrought by the sweetest revenge.
i was upstairs of my house and i was the only one haqme and th eonly one expected home for hours and then my grandpa opens the front door i had just enough time to pull to my pants and exit
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things: Of shoes and ships and sealing-wax. Of cabbages and kings!"
Scarriest moment was, when I downloaded one porn, which it turned out to be a screamer.
Couldn't be able to talk for a week.
I Think It Died
But i shall Post Another Story Here
I Was Jacking off to a porno i dled and All of a sudden my mom Walked into the room i didnt hear her come in she seen what i was watching We didnt talk for a Week. it Was Akward Very very Akward
Halo Vetrean Number #99
At 8/23/07 08:28 AM, one-two-conspiracy wrote:At 8/21/07 10:24 PM, IndyKid500 wrote: Once I had been using liquid soap as lube for a while, so I got pretty dry until one time a little thread of skin connecting the head and the shaft broke.OUCH!!!!!!!!!!I thought I had broken my penis.
Oh shit!!!!! That must hurt!!!!!
K, I hav a funny and painful one. I was really whackin it in my room at night, and my dog, out of nowhere, was like, "OH SHIT!! EVIL POLE!!!" and attacked my dick. Thankfully, it was not badly damaged.
My computer is downstairs, and everyone wasn't at home. So i started beating off and my friend knocks on the door and scares the shit out of me.
At 6/27/08 07:26 PM, MikeBlackout wrote: My computer is downstairs, and everyone wasn't at home. So i started beating off and my friend knocks on the door and scares the shit out of me.
I don't think shit is white and sticky *wink* *wink*
: "He masturbated with great vengence and furious anger, striking those who
: attempted to poison and destroy his unit..."
Ok, so there I was....14-years-old, my back turned to the door, wanking off to some porn on my PSP. I was just on the verge of an orgasm, when all of a sudden I hear a noise, which was my older cousin picking the lock on the door. (Let's get this clear; the dude could steal from Jesus and not get caught) Then he asks me what I was doing, so automatically I turned off my PSP, I put my cock back into my fly and zipped in up before he saw. I answered that I was just checking my battery life, because I was charging my PSP at the time. Thank God I didn't cum yet.
Ok, this happened like 10 minutes ago.
My bathroom is next to the shower, right?
So I was really jacking off hard in the bathroom to some porn pics, and suddenly, my brother just runs in and starts to go in the shower. That was when i mouthed "Oh shit". He just stared at me and slowly backed out. Then, I came on my hands. So that sucked for me. It happened 10 min. ago, so I still have a boner too.
Never. Never in my entire freakin existence. Nope, nada. Zip, zilch.
Until today. Holy Shit.
At 2/4/08 05:11 AM, Sexylegs wrote: So, my girlfriend works away at my dick, and I'm loving it, we're in a cubical and it's lunch time, the time where no one uses the toilets near Yellow (other side of the school, the one we are using). I'm letting out low moans, when suddenly, a bunch of my mates walk in. I shit myself, and pull her off my dick, and we both hide.
Makes me wish that every girl I met was a slut that will have sex in a split second.
One can only wish...