I am pretty lucky, the scariest moment was when I was home alone and I zipped down my pants and went to some porn site. I start to watch and fap, then out of the blue I heard some one up stairs and they were walking down the stairs. I quickly exit out and pull up my pants. It was just the sound of the wind outside making the stairs creek. God damnit!! So I go back to fapping.

i was doin it and i was halfway through it and my granpa walked in

I was masturbating while my parents were asleep at 3:00 AM, and I was almost done when my mom woke up and went to the bathroom. She came in my room afterwards, probably to see if I was asleep or not, and then she caught me. I didn't expect any of that.

This isn't really about masturbation or me, but it's funny.

Me and a few mates went to a party, and after a long night of sexy dancing, Guitar Hero 3 and getting drunk, some hot chick passes out. My friend passes out too, so I thought to myself "Let's have a little fun with this..."

I unzipped his pants, and put his cock in her mouth. Then, I proceeded to drink a few more shots, and pass out myself.

We woke up later on, and we hear my friend scream. We ran into the room, and found out that the girl had bit his dick when she woke up. He was bleeding.

>:P

Usually the father doesnt mind you looking at yer pr0n, but the mother does. The father only yells at you for it so the mother wont yell at him later.
Oh and...
YES UR PARENTS HAD SEX!!! MWUAHAHAH

At 2/14/07 09:45 PM, Twessel wrote: Falling off my chair and making a loud booming noise as I fell into my closet door. It was late at night, and my parents were in bed. I had to pull up my pants and exit the porn before they came in. It was a REALLY close call.

I still got in trouble for not being asleep though =[

Something like that happened to me,but I was standing,the TV was on,and my parents were in the next room.They didn't catch me dickhanded,but I was banned from watching TV for a week.

At 2/2/08 08:40 PM, Searp3nt wrote: This isn't really about masturbation or me, but it's funny.

Me and a few mates went to a party, and after a long night of sexy dancing, Guitar Hero 3 and getting drunk, some hot chick passes out. My friend passes out too, so I thought to myself "Let's have a little fun with this..."

I unzipped his pants, and put his cock in her mouth. Then, I proceeded to drink a few more shots, and pass out myself.

We woke up later on, and we hear my friend scream. We ran into the room, and found out that the girl had bit his dick when she woke up. He was bleeding.

>:P

Hey,thanks for the idea.I'll do that to most people on a party I'm planning to go on tomorrow.It will be a work of ART.

When I was fapping in my room and my dad started hammering on the door and trying to get in. I forget what it was about. Good thing it was locked.

I had to jump up and throw my clothes on, then I opened up the door. Didn't even get to finish :(

At 2/2/08 09:35 PM, chocolate-penguin wrote: Does anyone find it slightly odd that a topic like this gets 12 pages?

This is NewGrounds of course, but why the fuck most of you want to share your meat processing techniques is beyond me.

I'm bi so I don't really care, though.

Because it's hilarious. You can't deny that some of these stories are fucking epic. Yes, it's "immature" but honestly I don't give a shit, it's newgrounds.

lol well i was on meh top bunk bed it was like mid morning XD bad time to do it but you know i was horny as hell XD and my mother walked in i was like *grabs blanket covers up* *pretends to sleep* she come over to me and shes like why are you sweating and i was all playing it off then shes like oh you were sleeping but i think she knew >.> <.<

Anyone ever seen this thread?

http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.
php?t=30851

I'm not stupid enough to get caught masturbating.
Been masturbating for 9 years and never been caught.
I would have been shot by my parents because their religion
frowns on masturbating. Yeah...well...I call bullshit.

RANDOM IMAGE POST WTF

Not really masturbation again, more of a blow job during school in the toilets.

So, my girlfriend works away at my dick, and I'm loving it, we're in a cubical and it's lunch time, the time where no one uses the toilets near Yellow (other side of the school, the one we are using). I'm letting out low moans, when suddenly, a bunch of my mates walk in. I shit myself, and pull her off my dick, and we both hide. I decide to let it carry on, however, and make her suck my dick very lightly and softly, so she did. And I came, right in her mouth.

After 5 minutes with her holding cum in her mouth, my mates left. God, scariest moment in my life.

the first time i masturbated i used shampoo and it dried the shit out of my dick making all the skin peel leaving chaff marks everywhere it hurt to pee for atleast a month

Not really relevent, but who cares...

Late at night I decided to draw My own. I then fell asleep, and My mum woke Me up and said 'These are good drawings!!!". And shes never been the same since...

Tenacious D, cock jokes, and non-stop swearing...

I can never get caught for these reasons :
I don't watch, I imagine.
I rub, not jerk.
I don't take my pants off.

Because of this thread, a goal in life for me is to walk in on my son. When this happens I will make it as awkward as I possibly can.

I almost broke my dick several times jamming it back into my pants when somebody walks in.

ive personally never been caught but one of my friends got caught jerkin it by his mom and she said it was only normal, but then she started telling other people like she was proud r sumthin and when his sister heard she actually requested to change rooms in the house :P

but neway she eventualy told me about it on a ride to to see cloverfield and kyle was sitting right in front of me so i couldnt help but ask, how big was it? because i knew he couldn't do nething.

needless 2 say she shrugged it off and said average i guess, not that i even really wanted to know but it certainly gave me a case of the ROFLCOPTERS

This is the most epic post I've ever seen.

well lets see, which ridiculous story can i tell, ive had too many close encounters but never full on caught with my pants down, the funniest would be when we on our way to the beach and ya know when you have a small vehicle and you pack it full of shit and when your in the back your rents cant see very well? so yeah we were going down the road and i decided to tug one out just out of spontanuety and i was getting hot so i opend the window, my ma was completely focused on the drive tryin to make sure we were on the right roads and stuff, well anyways i reached climax and sometimes its hard to aim and i didnt think about where i was going to before i started so i shot out the window and its so happens that there was a cop behind us and it hit his windsheild.. because the next thing i hear is sirens and my mom is going wtf? i didnt do anything wrong? so the cop gets up there and blah blah this, and he asks did anyone throw something out the window? because some liquid hit his window and it appeared to come from our car, i was sweating balls in the back seat and my heart was in my throat, so i pretended to be sick, and when he asked me i said, yeah officer, i spit out because im not feeling so good, he gave us a little littering lecture and then went on his way.. talk about scary.

At 2/7/08 12:19 AM, NickDaPwner wrote: woah...
u can do it with ur pans on??!?!~!?
are u chuck norris?

BELEIVE IT.

Hmmmmm Wat Ridiculus Story do i have i had many close encounters but not as clsoe as this. I was Bored And Went to my favorite porn Siht and really got into it and i didnt expect my mom to be home for another 3 hours but she came home early and i was jsut at the climax whne she walked into my room i didnt close the page down and my pants were only half way up but she didnt seem to notice closeest enocunter i had so far hope it dotn happen agian.

i was masturbating with skittles once and one went into my urethra

At 8/21/07 09:43 PM, DentedDementia wrote: I was watching porn, and my mom came up the the stairs and in the room. I went to click the X, but hit the maximize button by mistake.

Luckily she wasn't paying attention and I closed it without her noticing.

lol

At 2/2/08 09:35 PM, chocolate-penguin wrote:

share your meat processing techniques

Rofl...

At 1/30/08 08:06 PM, maspa wrote:

At 1/30/08 07:00 PM, gopherlover wrote: we were having a 69

At the risk of sounding thick, what the fuck is a 69?

Oh thats just where you eat the girl out while she sucks your dick!

At 2/7/08 09:46 PM, bigjuicy wrote:

At 1/30/08 08:06 PM, maspa wrote:

At 1/30/08 07:00 PM, gopherlover wrote: we were having a 69

At the risk of sounding thick, what the fuck is a 69?

Oh thats just where you eat the girl out while she sucks your dick!

win

I was in the basement on my computer and i hadn't fapped in a week or so. So I am beating my meat when my dad starts coming downstairs and I didn't hear. He comes down and i was very quick in putting my pants on that he didn't notice and the porn was left on and i muted it from the keyboard. He didn't notice a thing and I nearly had a heart attack. After that i couldn't fap.

My mom walked in on me fapping, we never said anything about it, but it was very awkward for a long while..very awkward

veryakward