Well, NG, I’ve just completed the once thought impossible task of shaving one’s own ass, and I am here to warn each and every one of you, never do the same.
It all started at the beginning of this year; I began to notice that my ass was a forest, a meadow of sort, and I never thought anything of it, because I was the only one to ever lay eyes on it. Until last night; several weeks ago, I met this girl, well technically I had already met her – but this time I met her on a much larger scale; I was over at her house, we were alone watching some movie, we began to snuggle and explore each other, and whatnot. Then the week after she came over to my house and we made out for a couple of hours and fooled around. Then, last night I was over at her place again, it was about 12:30 at night, and we began to take things even farther. I had removed my shirt and she had done the same; she then proceeded to explore the confines of my pants with her hands. It was at that moment, that I remembered that I possessed a bear-like ass. Intent on the situation, I tried to ignore it an move on, but something in the back of my mind kept screaming, “Don’t Touch My Ass!” She didn’t say anything but I knew that the time would come where she would see it in full view, and would be appalled.
This morning, horrified of what she might think if we ever decided to hook up again, I made the gutsy decision to embark on a journey of anal shaving. I thought it would be similar to shaving my face; a few quick swipes and we’d be done, no big deal. I was horribly, horribly wrong. I entered the bathroom and equipped my Gillette Fusion with a fresh set of blades, covered my ass in shaving cream and began to hack away. After I was ‘finished’ I decided to admire my work, and to my surprise I still saw an antagonizing amount of hair remaining on my ass; no longer did it look like a forest or an enchanted meadow, but rather like the balding head of a 55 year old man. I decided that I would just do the same thing again until the task was complete, but no more than 2 strokes into the second coat did my razor break. I’m not sure how to explain what happened, but the blades had detached themselves from the base (Pic Below). And now I was left with my old, dull set of blades, and an electric razor that didn’t seem to do shit.
I attached the old blade, and got back to work; for 2 hours I switched between the electric razor and the straight razor, the shower and the sink. This quick 2 second task, had now flourished into a 2 and a half hour quest, an epic of sort. After I was satisfied with my ass, I decided to move to my lower back, my legs, gooch and pubes; everything had to be evened out so I didn’t look like a confused baboon.
Finally, I was satisfied – the task had been completed; my monumental ass was no longer defaced with thousands of tresses. I cleaned up and threw on some clothes and began to go about the day, when I noticed that my ‘smooth,’ baby-like ass was now covered in thousands of tiny pikes, razor sharp hooks laced with itching powder. And now, every time I walk or try to sit, my gooch and ass sting and itch like no tomorrow.
So NG, don’t make the same mistake I did; never shave your ass, not even for a woman or you will regret it, every day of you life.
