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Relationship Crew

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-27 12:00:14


At 5/27/13 04:03 AM, Vincoid wrote: You say you're a very social person but I wonder what that means to you. You see, quite often I find that people are great to hang out with, they're really funny, can make you laugh, etc. However, a lot of those people have little or no interest in the people they hang out with beyond the moment itself.
I've had close friends who slowly grew out of the group, simply because they went from being interest in everybody as a person to only wanting to have fun and caring only about that.
So I wonder, do you show any personal interest in any of your friends? What do you know about their lifes, their ambitions, what they're doing right now with their personal lifes, how they feel, etc.?

Knowing these things and showing interest in them makes a world of difference. Most people are great talking about themselves and enjoy doing it very much. The point is that nobody really likes a person who only talks about himself. So instead, ask all your friends about them and don't tell anything about yourself unless they ask. You'll be the best conversationalist they've ever met and will surely be interested in you as well and will want you to be around them.

Actually, i know a lot about all of my friends. i chat on Facebook, i talk one on one with them as well as in groups. but still, the problem persists that i'm the only person starting these conversations. I don't talk about myself that often. often times, when i even do say stuff about myself, it is just me talking to myself out in public and people happen to hear me, or we are discussing something relavent for me to add a personal opinion, but i don't really talk about my life with people, mostly because i don't really have a life worth talking about.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-28 08:57:49


At 5/27/13 12:00 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i know a lot about all of my friends. i chat on Facebook, i talk one on one with them as well as in groups. but still, the problem persists that i'm the only person starting these conversations. I don't talk about myself that often. often times, when i even do say stuff about myself, it is just me talking to myself out in public and people happen to hear me, or we are discussing something relavent for me to add a personal opinion, but i don't really talk about my life with people, mostly because i don't really have a life worth talking about.

Ok, that's weird. I'd expect them to invite at least some of the time when you're interested in them.

These things they do together and these parties they go to, do they organize all these things themselves? Do you organize parties and things to do as a group with them or invite them to do these things with you? And how have you become friends with them? Were they friends before they knew you?

I myself have one group of friends whom I all I know because of my best friend. Him and these guys knew each other for about 3 years through school before I became friends with them. When I had just met them they spend a lot of time doing stuff together without me even knowing about it. It wasn't until I started throwing parties and inviting them that they started inviting me. Not sure if that's the case with you.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-28 09:27:06


At 5/28/13 08:57 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 5/27/13 12:00 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i know a lot about all of my friends. i chat on Facebook, i talk one on one with them as well as in groups. but still, the problem persists that i'm the only person starting these conversations. I don't talk about myself that often. often times, when i even do say stuff about myself, it is just me talking to myself out in public and people happen to hear me, or we are discussing something relavent for me to add a personal opinion, but i don't really talk about my life with people, mostly because i don't really have a life worth talking about.
Ok, that's weird. I'd expect them to invite at least some of the time when you're interested in them.

These things they do together and these parties they go to, do they organize all these things themselves? Do you organize parties and things to do as a group with them or invite them to do these things with you? And how have you become friends with them? Were they friends before they knew you?

We all are in the same year of college and all of us roughly got to know each other at the same time. none of these are really like parties like raves or discos, but rather just events that anyone could go, but either they don't tell me about it, or don't tell me their going so i don't bother going myself. a lot of the actual "parties" around here are just really bad hip-hop danced to by a bunch of ghetto black people. (i'm not being racist, but when you start talking in a bad ghetto accent and dance by grinding your bodies against one another, you're being ghetto, no matter if you are from the ghetto)

I also do try to organize events for us to go do stuff, like a carpool so that we all could go see Iron Man 3 when it came out, or trying to set up a Batman Marathon night, and while everyone says "sure, Seabass, that sounds like a great idea," they all say they are too busy when i try to set an actual date.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-30 05:42:59


At 5/28/13 09:27 AM, deathbymanga wrote: We all are in the same year of college and all of us roughly got to know each other at the same time. none of these are really like parties like raves or discos, but rather just events that anyone could go, but either they don't tell me about it, or don't tell me their going so i don't bother going myself. a lot of the actual "parties" around here are just really bad hip-hop danced to by a bunch of ghetto black people. (i'm not being racist, but when you start talking in a bad ghetto accent and dance by grinding your bodies against one another, you're being ghetto, no matter if you are from the ghetto)

I also do try to organize events for us to go do stuff, like a carpool so that we all could go see Iron Man 3 when it came out, or trying to set up a Batman Marathon night, and while everyone says "sure, Seabass, that sounds like a great idea," they all say they are too busy when i try to set an actual date.

I honestly can't think of a cause of all this, not without seeing it for myself.

I suggest you talk about it with them. Let them know it's bothering you and that you want to know what's going on. If they're real friends they'll let you know, allowing you or them to change certain things. If not, you're a whole lot wiser on who your real friends are.
I guess it's the only way for you to find out what's going on inside their heads.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-30 15:43:05


At 5/30/13 05:42 AM, Vincoid wrote: I honestly can't think of a cause of all this, not without seeing it for myself.

I suggest you talk about it with them. Let them know it's bothering you and that you want to know what's going on. If they're real friends they'll let you know, allowing you or them to change certain things. If not, you're a whole lot wiser on who your real friends are.
I guess it's the only way for you to find out what's going on inside their heads.

Actually, i don't think that will work. If I tell my friends what is going on, they probably won't even realize what they are doing. To them, I think it isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 06:59:02


At 5/30/13 03:43 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i don't think that will work. If I tell my friends what is going on, they probably won't even realize what they are doing. To them, I think it isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.

You don't think telling them about something they do unintentionally can help? Wouldn't it make them realize what they do and how it affects you? Wouldn't it allow them to become conscious of this behaviour and change something about it?

The way I see it, everything will stay the same when you keep doing what you do now, which isn't letting them know what's wrong and how you feel. Change can only happen when you change something, either by changing your behaviour or telling them about theirs. Seeing as you've no idea how your behaviour could be the cause of this, there's really only one option left if you want change to happen.

I'm telling you this because I think you could be right. It could be completely unintentional from their side. Which is exactly why nothing will change unless you make them realize what's going on.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 08:36:55


At 5/31/13 06:59 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 5/30/13 03:43 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i don't think that will work. If I tell my friends what is going on, they probably won't even realize what they are doing. To them, I think it isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.
You don't think telling them about something they do unintentionally can help? Wouldn't it make them realize what they do and how it affects you? Wouldn't it allow them to become conscious of this behaviour and change something about it?

The way I see it, everything will stay the same when you keep doing what you do now, which isn't letting them know what's wrong and how you feel. Change can only happen when you change something, either by changing your behaviour or telling them about theirs. Seeing as you've no idea how your behaviour could be the cause of this, there's really only one option left if you want change to happen.

I'm telling you this because I think you could be right. It could be completely unintentional from their side. Which is exactly why nothing will change unless you make them realize what's going on.

the problem is what do i say? that i feel that they are subconsciously ignoring me? That doesn't really sound productive. They are busy with college. I guess i just wanted to get my problems off of my chest more than anything. I'm joining some new clubs next semester and i'll be learning Flash and Japanese, so it won't be that hard to ignore my aching loneliness.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 12:13:21


@deathbymanga:

I understand your dilemma. I can see you are unsure how your friends would react if you talk to them about what is bothering you. Fact is you should not care about how they will react because as far as you know, they might be completely cool about what you tell them. Vincoid's approach will lead you to finding out if they're real friends or not. Perhaps that is a route you want to consider. On the other hand, maybe you don't care if they're real friends or not-you just want them around as social proof or to strengthen your social life. It all depends on what YOU want.

Instead of doing group invites to see movies, try inviting 1 person. It works better because you are no longer trying to find a time that works for everyone but instead finding a time that works best for you and your friend. You say let's go see Iron Man 3, Tuesday at 7 PM. Now if your friend flakes on you twice; ie. he says he's too busy and doesn't provide an alternative date or time, it's time to say screw him as he's clearly not interested in being seen with you away from school. You move on to the next person and try to do something with them. Your invitations will get rejected-everyone has experienced that-but you got to keep your head high and be persistent.

If you want to be invited to parties, you have to know about them. There are multiple ways to do this. You can ask a friend if they know of any good parties happening.

Example:
You: Hey, know any good parties happening this weekend?
Friend: Yeah, one's happening Saturday at this girl's house
You: That's chill. You going to it?
Friend: Probably.
You: Sounds like it could be fun. Mind if I join ya?
Friend: Sure. Bring your own booze though
[conversation continues, you get the address to the house, where you two will meet up, etc.]

You can apply this example to the group of friends you mentioned earlier. By going to parties or doing stuff with them away from school, you become part of the group. But be yourself and do talk with people. I have a friend that whenever I went to parties with him, he would sit in the corner of the room and keep to himself; he spoke to no one and no one spoke to him. Then he would say the party sucked. Guess what? People would not invite him any more. :P

Hope this helps you!


Need advice? Visit the RELATIONSHIP CREW!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 12:52:01


At 5/31/13 12:13 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: @deathbymanga:

I understand your dilemma. I can see you are unsure how your friends would react if you talk to them about what is bothering you. Fact is you should not care about how they will react because as far as you know, they might be completely cool about what you tell them. Vincoid's approach will lead you to finding out if they're real friends or not. Perhaps that is a route you want to consider. On the other hand, maybe you don't care if they're real friends or not-you just want them around as social proof or to strengthen your social life. It all depends on what YOU want.

Instead of doing group invites to see movies, try inviting 1 person. It works better because you are no longer trying to find a time that works for everyone but instead finding a time that works best for you and your friend. You say let's go see Iron Man 3, Tuesday at 7 PM. Now if your friend flakes on you twice; ie. he says he's too busy and doesn't provide an alternative date or time, it's time to say screw him as he's clearly not interested in being seen with you away from school. You move on to the next person and try to do something with them. Your invitations will get rejected-everyone has experienced that-but you got to keep your head high and be persistent.

If you want to be invited to parties, you have to know about them. There are multiple ways to do this. You can ask a friend if they know of any good parties happening.

Example:
You: Hey, know any good parties happening this weekend?
Friend: Yeah, one's happening Saturday at this girl's house
You: That's chill. You going to it?
Friend: Probably.
You: Sounds like it could be fun. Mind if I join ya?
Friend: Sure. Bring your own booze though
[conversation continues, you get the address to the house, where you two will meet up, etc.]

You can apply this example to the group of friends you mentioned earlier. By going to parties or doing stuff with them away from school, you become part of the group. But be yourself and do talk with people. I have a friend that whenever I went to parties with him, he would sit in the corner of the room and keep to himself; he spoke to no one and no one spoke to him. Then he would say the party sucked. Guess what? People would not invite him any more. :P

Hope this helps you!

One, i invited people to the movies one at a time the last time. and i'm not friends with them for social standing, i'm not that shallow. i hang out with them because they are people i talk to. I'm not exactly the most socially intelligent person to know. I have asperger's. I hang out with these people because they chat with me and we have similar interests to talk about.

Also, there AREN"T parties like what you think around here. There are parties planned and set up by clubs to go to and they are all terribly boring really. My friends don't even bother going to these parties. When they go out to hang, it is mostly to go eat or to go smoke some weed or to go to classes or their rooms. I think i'm just going to stop this discussion because this isn't exactly something that can be solved with a few choice questions or parties. And either way, it doesn't change a thing if I have to ask about any parties.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 12:55:14


At 5/31/13 12:13 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: @deathbymanga:

I understand your dilemma. I can see you are unsure how your friends would react if you talk to them about what is bothering you. Fact is you should not care about how they will react because as far as you know, they might be completely cool about what you tell them. Vincoid's approach will lead you to finding out if they're real friends or not. Perhaps that is a route you want to consider. On the other hand, maybe you don't care if they're real friends or not-you just want them around as social proof or to strengthen your social life. It all depends on what YOU want.

Instead of doing group invites to see movies, try inviting 1 person. It works better because you are no longer trying to find a time that works for everyone but instead finding a time that works best for you and your friend. You say let's go see Iron Man 3, Tuesday at 7 PM. Now if your friend flakes on you twice; ie. he says he's too busy and doesn't provide an alternative date or time, it's time to say screw him as he's clearly not interested in being seen with you away from school. You move on to the next person and try to do something with them. Your invitations will get rejected-everyone has experienced that-but you got to keep your head high and be persistent.

If you want to be invited to parties, you have to know about them. There are multiple ways to do this. You can ask a friend if they know of any good parties happening.

Example:
You: Hey, know any good parties happening this weekend?
Friend: Yeah, one's happening Saturday at this girl's house
You: That's chill. You going to it?
Friend: Probably.
You: Sounds like it could be fun. Mind if I join ya?
Friend: Sure. Bring your own booze though
[conversation continues, you get the address to the house, where you two will meet up, etc.]

You can apply this example to the group of friends you mentioned earlier. By going to parties or doing stuff with them away from school, you become part of the group. But be yourself and do talk with people. I have a friend that whenever I went to parties with him, he would sit in the corner of the room and keep to himself; he spoke to no one and no one spoke to him. Then he would say the party sucked. Guess what? People would not invite him any more. :P

Hope this helps you!

One, i invited people to the movies one at a time the last time. and i'm not friends with them for social standing, i'm not that shallow. i hang out with them because they are people i talk to. I'm not exactly the most socially intelligent person to know. I have asperger's. I hang out with these people because they chat with me and we have similar interests to talk about.

Also, there AREN"T parties like what you think around here. There are parties planned and set up by clubs to go to and they are all terribly boring really. My friends don't even bother going to these parties. When they go out to hang, it is mostly to go eat or to go smoke some weed or to go to classes or their rooms. I think i'm just going to stop this discussion because this isn't exactly something that can be solved with a few choice questions or parties. And either way, it doesn't change a thing if I have to ask about any parties.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 14:56:47


At 5/31/13 12:55 PM, deathbymanga wrote: And either way, it doesn't change a thing if I have to ask about any parties.

For the majority of us, you do not go very far in life by being passive. You have to take action of your life. To rid yourself of loneliness, you have to get involved in social circles. If you do not ask about the parties going on then how do you expect to get invited to them?

I want to help you become happy with your social life but it is not magically going to turn around on its on.


Need advice? Visit the RELATIONSHIP CREW!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 15:59:35


At 5/31/13 02:56 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:
At 5/31/13 12:55 PM, deathbymanga wrote: And either way, it doesn't change a thing if I have to ask about any parties.
For the majority of us, you do not go very far in life by being passive. You have to take action of your life. To rid yourself of loneliness, you have to get involved in social circles. If you do not ask about the parties going on then how do you expect to get invited to them?

I want to help you become happy with your social life but it is not magically going to turn around on its on.

I am involved in social circles. just not the same way most people are, and being a little passive never hurt anyone. It just means that I'm not as passionate as most people are. Which is true. The fire that exists in most doesn't burn the same way in me.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-02 03:29:02


I've pretty much given up on relationships for a while now. Too much effort really and they all seem to run away when I finally tell them what my intentions are.

But yeah, has any of you guys met a child hood friend (girl), and hook up or something?

One of my really good friend from like 12 years ago is visiting me for about a week. (travelling overseas). I cant wait for it actually. Haven't really spoken with her in years.

As kids, we were on the same 1 hour bus ride to our school. whenever we made up stories (because we all had wild imaginations back then) , we talked about marrying and shit. (no idea fucking why but that's what I remember).

Just throwing that general question out there if any of you has hooked up with a child hood lady friend years later and would like shine some light of advice for me.


lel

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-02 03:41:29


At 6/2/13 03:29 AM, Sequenced wrote: Just throwing that general question out there if any of you has hooked up with a child hood lady friend years later and would like shine some light of advice for me.

I personally haven't, but it's not that different from meeting someone new. Sure, you already know some stuff about each other, but since you haven't talked in years you pretty much have to get to know each other all over again.

I guess since you guys liked each other in the past it's best to simply be yourself with her. Remind her of some of the fun times you had but don't linger in the past. Show her how much fun you're now. If all you try to do is have some fun you'll get there. She'll feel good around you, feel comfortable, be reminded of how much fun you used to be and still are, etc. Throw in subtle jokes/stories/etc. If she's into you, you'll notice soon enough.
Just keep it laid back a bit. If you're focussing too much on transforming this into a relationship she'll feel the pressure, won't feel comfortable and definitely won't be interested. So focus on having fun, entertaining yourself and her and you'll get there.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-02 10:19:53


At 6/2/13 03:41 AM, Vincoid wrote:
Just keep it laid back a bit. If you're focussing too much on transforming this into a relationship she'll feel the pressure, won't feel comfortable and definitely won't be interested. So focus on having fun, entertaining yourself and her and you'll get there.

makes sense. cheers.


lel

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-02 11:26:03


At 6/2/13 02:14 AM, Sensationalism wrote:
At 5/31/13 03:59 PM, deathbymanga wrote: I am involved in social circles. just not the same way most people are, and being a little passive never hurt anyone. It just means that I'm not as passionate as most people are. Which is true. The fire that exists in most doesn't burn the same way in me.
So you want things to change but are not willing to do anything at all to change them? Okay good luck with that.

i want change, but change is not the most important thing in my life that i want. success is

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-02 14:30:33


At 6/2/13 11:26 AM, deathbymanga wrote: i want change, but change is not the most important thing in my life that i want. success is

I think in your case success and change both go hand-in-hand. Right now, you are not feeling successful because otherwise you wouldn't be posting here asking for advice, right? So the only way to therefore become successful is to change what's not working. I do sense a force of unwillingness from you to take the necessary actions to become successful, which I believe is the biggest obstacle which you must overcome.

"No Excuses, No Limits."


Need advice? Visit the RELATIONSHIP CREW!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-03 04:03:07


At 6/2/13 02:30 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:
At 6/2/13 11:26 AM, deathbymanga wrote: i want change, but change is not the most important thing in my life that i want. success is
I think in your case success and change both go hand-in-hand. Right now, you are not feeling successful because otherwise you wouldn't be posting here asking for advice, right? So the only way to therefore become successful is to change what's not working. I do sense a force of unwillingness from you to take the necessary actions to become successful, which I believe is the biggest obstacle which you must overcome.

"No Excuses, No Limits."

Completely agree with this. A lot of people want success and live the dream, yet they do not want to put in the effort to create the dream. Whatever this success is for you, it will always come at a price.
There's been quite a lot of research on successful people and the secret of their success. What has been found in all of them is they have a certain goal they want to achieve. Secondly, they determine the price they would have to pay in order to achieve that goal. Last but definitely not least, they pay that price. Without these three steps, you'll never achieve success, wether it's changing yourself or attending your friends on their behaviour so you'll get invited by them, or creating a Fortune 500 company.

There is always a price and only those willing to pay will know success.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-03 15:15:58


At 6/2/13 08:00 PM, Sensationalism wrote:
At 6/2/13 03:29 AM, Sequenced wrote: I've pretty much given up on relationships for a while now. Too much effort really and they all seem to run away when I finally tell them what my intentions are.
That sounds super creepy. Like your intentions are to tie them up and cut them and watch them bleed while masturbating or something.

not really. they don't realize that I actually like the most of the time and will continue to try being "friends" until I break it to them because I've had enough of their bullshit.


lel

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-03 15:55:50


At 6/3/13 03:15 PM, Sequenced wrote: not really. they don't realize that I actually like the most of the time and will continue to try being "friends" until I break it to them because I've had enough of their bullshit.

You don't need to tell women you like them because women can usually tell right away when men like them. Men make it damn obvious when they like a woman while women send subtle signals that are hard to pick up for most men. I think Vincoid might be able to testify to this; I recall him having a post about the signals that women send.

I like to send mixed signals. Meaning I like women to be unsure of whether I like them or not. Women (or people in general) like mystery and dating is a game; either you know how to play it or you don't. So you should never tell a girl your "true intentions." Once a woman knows she has you and that you'll never leave her for someone else, it is game over for you.

In your particular case, it seems you were friend-zoned and the saying goes that people rarely get out of that zone. The attraction is dead at that point. In other words, the woman sees you as one of her girlfriends and it is very difficult to rid yourself of that status. Most people I know recommend No Contact (NC) in such cases. The idea is that you move on and perhaps she'll reach out to you, wondering why you are not acting like the good girlfriend you should be, and maybe (big maybe) you'll be able to escalate and build attraction. Rarely goes like that but some people manage to do it.


Need advice? Visit the RELATIONSHIP CREW!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-03 19:38:21


At 6/3/13 04:03 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 6/2/13 02:30 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:
At 6/2/13 11:26 AM, deathbymanga wrote: i want change, but change is not the most important thing in my life that i want. success is
I think in your case success and change both go hand-in-hand. Right now, you are not feeling successful because otherwise you wouldn't be posting here asking for advice, right? So the only way to therefore become successful is to change what's not working. I do sense a force of unwillingness from you to take the necessary actions to become successful, which I believe is the biggest obstacle which you must overcome.

"No Excuses, No Limits."
Completely agree with this. A lot of people want success and live the dream, yet they do not want to put in the effort to create the dream. Whatever this success is for you, it will always come at a price.
There's been quite a lot of research on successful people and the secret of their success. What has been found in all of them is they have a certain goal they want to achieve. Secondly, they determine the price they would have to pay in order to achieve that goal. Last but definitely not least, they pay that price. Without these three steps, you'll never achieve success, wether it's changing yourself or attending your friends on their behaviour so you'll get invited by them, or creating a Fortune 500 company.

There is always a price and only those willing to pay will know success.

There's a difference here. I want financial success. I want to get a successful job and career and to live my life peacefully. Having relationships is still important to me, but as of now, having a successful career and job is more important. once i have a steady income and a home, food, and cable internet, then i can start putting more effort into friends. and by then, the friends i have now will be long gone living their own lives.

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-03 21:13:32


At 6/3/13 03:55 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: ] The idea is that you move on and perhaps she'll reach out to you, wondering why you are not acting like the good girlfriend you should be, and maybe (big maybe) you'll be able to escalate and build attraction. Rarely goes like that but some people manage to do it.

That's what I generally do. The whole reason I started to go eat with them or chill somewhere was because I liked her. Letting me know after a month of me being clueless that she doesn't feel the same way will makes your effort seem worthless. then I generally cut off contact with that said person. I even asked her to have dinner with me. But for whatever reason she mistook it as a friendship request. (This happens to me fairly often).

This one time a few months ago the girl finally told me after like a couple weeks. later on that school year she got into a quick relationship which ended in a couple of weeks lol. Now she starts to casually bump into me or have that attracted look in her eye (which I've never seen before when I liked her) whenever I pass by her. But by that time I've moved on. Her fault.

oh well. girls are fucking indecisive as shit.


lel

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 07:23:47


At 6/3/13 07:38 PM, deathbymanga wrote: There's a difference here. I want financial success. I want to get a successful job and career and to live my life peacefully. Having relationships is still important to me, but as of now, having a successful career and job is more important. once i have a steady income and a home, food, and cable internet, then i can start putting more effort into friends. and by then, the friends i have now will be long gone living their own lives.

The same rules apply. Wether it's relationships or financial success, you achieve both in exactly the same way.

You see, financial success and success in relationships both depend on the very same thing: you. It's your personality, your beliefs and your passion that creates the success. You'll need some knowledge about the things you want to achieve, but that's nowhere as important as your character.

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At 6/3/13 09:13 PM, Sequenced wrote: oh well. girls are fucking indecisive as shit.

Here's your problem; you know this but you don't act on it.

Let me explain. What most men these days don't seem to understand is that men and women are vastly different from each other on every single aspect. When men do know, they don't seem to encorporate this knowledge in their actions. For instance, they way you try to let girls know you like them is by doing the exact same thing people do when they're making friends. If you want them to know you like them, act that way.
Another thing, women are indeed indecisive. This is because of a little thing called energy. Men generally have more masculine energy than feminine energy and women vice versa. Only few men and women have neutral energies and even less men have more feminine energies and women vice versa.
This energy determines the way we act, think and desire. Feminine energy wants to enjoy life carelessly, wants to run wild and not be contained but also wants to be handles with passion and wants to be dominated by masculine energy.
Masculine energy often wants to dominate, live life purposefully, wants to achieve and keep control of their energy.

Because of these different energies, men and women enrich each other. These opposites attract. That's why many couples show different energies, same sex couples often consist of a person with a very masculine energy and one with a very feminine energy.
Masculine energy wants to see the feminine energy run wild, enjoy life and get carried away by it. Feminine energy wants to run wild but be steered in the right direction by the masculine. This causes women to be indecisive, because they want the masculine to show control and to take the decisions. They want to trust the masculine and let their own energy flow freely instead of burdening is with responsibilities, choices, stress, etc.

When you know this, it'd be stupid to blame women for being indecisive. It'd be stupid to want them to make the choices, come after you, tell you they like you etc. They'll never be attracted to you if they'd have to do this. They want you to lead, to take charge, to sweep them of their feet. They don't to have to tell you it's ok for you to try and attract them to you. There is no strength in doing so, you can't dominate or lead them when they do. More important, they can't trust you or your energy if they have to tell you.

So instead of waiting for them to tell you they like you, make them like you. That's doesn't mean you should someway force you of course. But there's a giant difference between taking them out to dinner and hoping that's strong enough of a signal, and sweeping them of your feet with charm, confidence and masculinity.

And as said by DarkSoldier, women know, within the first minute of seeing you, exactly what they think of you. And even before that minute is over they'll know if you like them. What's important to know is that it's a feeling they have, an unconscious process for most. They won't be able to tell you right then and there they do like you or that you like them. However, if they do, your energy, actions, etc. will create attraction or it won't. If you're not sweeping them of their feet with jokes, confidence, charm, etc, their initial attraction toward you will diminish and there's only thing to blame; you created no attraction and chemistry.

So stop blaming the feminine for being what it is and start playing the game the way it's being played.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 08:31:50


What do you do when a girl literally worships you, but you don't really want to date her?

This girl I know is in love with me and has been for about two years now, and I think I made a mistake in taking her V-card a few months ago. She is always asking me about us dating, and her coming with me whenever I leave for the Air Force. I just don't want to get any sort of serious even though I like chilling with her. She just keeps pushing the issue on me all the time, and whenever I try to completely move on she gets more sexual than usual and my penis betrays me.


autistic screeching

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 11:10:24


At 6/4/13 08:31 AM, Cootie wrote: What do you do when a girl literally worships you, but you don't really want to date her?

Stop this: my penis betrays me.

That's all you need to do. You're sending mixed messages. If you tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her and basicly friendzone her, keep your dick in your pants. If she doesn't get the message, either stop seeing her at all or accept the fact she'll keep mentioning this to you.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 12:04:38


At 6/4/13 07:23 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 6/3/13 07:38 PM, deathbymanga wrote: There's a difference here. I want financial success. I want to get a successful job and career and to live my life peacefully. Having relationships is still important to me, but as of now, having a successful career and job is more important. once i have a steady income and a home, food, and cable internet, then i can start putting more effort into friends. and by then, the friends i have now will be long gone living their own lives.
The same rules apply. Wether it's relationships or financial success, you achieve both in exactly the same way.

You see, financial success and success in relationships both depend on the very same thing: you. It's your personality, your beliefs and your passion that creates the success. You'll need some knowledge about the things you want to achieve, but that's nowhere as important as your character.

Dude, yes they both act on the same thing, but they AREN"T dependent on each other. I already have the right frame of mind to start my own business and the passion to start one. What I don't have is the passion or frame of mind to have meaningful relationships because as of now, a successful business is more important to me than a successful relationship. I'm not slacking or putting a lack of effort. I don't exactly like it when people treat me like i'm lazy because i'm socially retarded. 1. I have asperger's syndrome, which means i LITERALLY am socially retarded. and 2. I live in an area where there is very few people i can even relate with because i have interests and ways of thinking that drastically go against the slums and ranch way of life here. Not that I don't mind living out here, actually i do mind, but that isn't the problem. it is that i have to stay here for three more years to finish college and I'm willing to endure that amount of time before i move to a more city-like area

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 13:47:57


At 6/4/13 11:10 AM, Vincoid wrote:
That's all you need to do. You're sending mixed messages. If you tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her and basicly friendzone her, keep your dick in your pants. If she doesn't get the message, either stop seeing her at all or accept the fact she'll keep mentioning this to you.

I guess that would be best. Just don't want her to get really upset like she normally does, but I guess that is inevitable sometimes.


autistic screeching

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 21:08:08


At 6/4/13 01:47 PM, Cootie wrote:
At 6/4/13 11:10 AM, Vincoid wrote:
That's all you need to do. You're sending mixed messages. If you tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her and basicly friendzone her, keep your dick in your pants. If she doesn't get the message, either stop seeing her at all or accept the fact she'll keep mentioning this to you.
I guess that would be best. Just don't want her to get really upset like she normally does, but I guess that is inevitable sometimes.

there is always the option of establishing the rules of a relationship with her. not all relationships need to be one guy one girl and it isn't vulgar or wrong to consider a relationship with more than one person, so long as you don't lie to any of the people in the relationship and follow the rules of each relationship set. Some people that are bisexual have boyfriends that agree to them sleeping with women, so long as they don't sleep with men. some people have no problems having two relationships, but they won't have any more than that. rules are made, but not every situation need the same rules

Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-04 21:59:08


Hello everybody.

Just wanted to say I'm super awesome at giving advice and always happy too. Don't ever hesitate to drop me a message if you're feeling troubled.

Peace!


Your friendly neighbourhood devils advocate.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-06-05 04:13:33


At 6/3/13 07:38 PM, deathbymanga wrote:
Dude, yes they both act on the same thing, but they AREN"T dependent on each other. I already have the right frame of mind to start my own business and the passion to start one. What I don't have is the passion or frame of mind to have meaningful relationships because as of now, a successful business is more important to me than a successful relationship. I'm not slacking or putting a lack of effort. I don't exactly like it when people treat me like i'm lazy because i'm socially retarded

I'm not implying you don't have the right frame of mind to become financially successful. What I'm saying is that both are dependent of you, your character, your frame of mind, your beliefs and your knowledge.
Looking at it that way I'm saying you might already have the right frame of mind, etc. but lack the knowledge of achieving a meaningful relationship. I'm also not saying that's a problem of any kind since at this moment you're not interested in pursuing a relationship.

But what you must keep in mind is that both DarkSoldier and I have been responding to your messages, which started out as being about relationships with friends and lack thereof. If you then read those messages as if we've been responding to your frame of mind when it comes to financial success, it won't match.
We can only respond with the information in mind that you've given us so far, not the information you have but have not given us. I love to give advice and help where I can, but I can't read minds. Not yet.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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