A “Jewish” Halloween Story 2021-10-26 01:50:12
1 day. Once a year there is a day that might be the best day of the year. A really special holiday once a year that is loved by everyone. A day that brings joy to boys and girls... and pedophiles.
Every time you go to sleep, you're in bed and wait for that day to come and when it does, you feel truly alive. There are other holidays that are not as good as this one.
Easter, Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving, Chinese New Years, Valentine's Day.
F**K THOSE HALIDAYS. There’s only one holiday that is good and that holiday is… drum roll please…
No drum roll? Fine, fuck you.
That holiday is... Halloween!
I loved Halloween as a kid and I still do today. It’s better than Christmas. Christmas can go suck a dick.
But… something happened.
When I was 16 years old I was wondering what I was going to be for Halloween and I didn't want to dress up at the same thing from last year. I wanted to be something that really says to me. Who I am inside. I want to come out and be who I am for Halloween.
YOU: “ What are you gay? ”
WHAT!? No… I’m not… only 20%.
YOU: “ 20%? What does that mean? ”
I like dick jokes and I think girls with dicks are very sexy. And also boys that look like girls.
But 80% I’m still your average straight vagina guy… oh wait. That cum out the wrong way.
YOU: “ You didn’t have to tell me that. ”
Hey! you ask a question and you get an answer.
YOU: “ Wait, how am I talking to you? ”
Anyways, for Halloween I wanted to be… please give the drum roll...
OTHER YOU: “ Gesundheit. ”
YOU: “ … What? ”
I know, it’s a great idea.
YOU: “ WHY? Why would you dress up as a jew!? ”
Because why not.
YOU: “ Because it's racist, you dumbass. ”
My family are Christians and everybody knows that Christians and Jews are the same thing.
So that means I am jewish.
YOU: “ Do you believe in jesus? ”
Jesus was once a real person in history but not the magical kind I think.
YOU: “ ok, do you even celebrate Hanukkah? ”
I played dreidel ones in class.
YOU: ” Close enough, and here’s the important question, DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? ”
I like to call him Jimmy. And no, I think there is no jimmy.
YOU: “ So that means you're not even a jew or a Christian. ”
OTHER YOU: “ Wait, he got 2 out of 3 right, that still counts. ”
Hey, I’m not a racist. I like my women and how I like my chicken. BLACK.
YOU: “ Oh my konami! I will fucking smash your brain with a mallet if I find you, you son of a b-! ”
BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before you try to kill me.
YOU: “ Too late. I'm already on Google maps and got a mallet. ”
It’s not racist to dress up as a jew because they don’t get affected by it.
I saw a video about a guy asking a jew if it’s racist and the jew said, quote “ לא ” as in “no” in hebrew. I know this because I know how to spick hebrew.
YOU: “ You Google translate it. ”
So it’s not insulting to them to dress as a jewish person for halloween.
So you can be mad at me.
but it's weird that some people get offended by it if they're not jewish.
And now who's racist.
YOU: “ it’s still you, and I want to know… WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO DRESS UP AS A JEW. ”
The reason why I want to dress up as a Jew is because they're FABULOUS. The way they dress up is incredibly good. They look like those Japanese delinquents. and That's a compliment because they both have amazing Style.
They look kinda similar.
YOU: “ not really. And you're comparing a dangerous Teenage Dirtbag from another country to people in a religion? “
OTHER YOU: “ actually he's comparing jews to jojo. So you can call it jew jew Jewish adventure. ”
YOU: “ That's less offensive. ”
… yes? But not every Japanese Teenage Dirtbag is a jojo reference. Those types of people existed a long time ago. but the japanese delinquents don't exist anymore, they only appear in manga, anime and video games.
And the japanese delinquents are really badass, and so are the jews.
YOU: “ But you still, you better not dress as one. ”
I won’t… in 2019, that’s the point of the story. Why can't I dress as one?
BACK TO THE STORY.
I told my mom I want to be a jew for halloween and she said yes and she was going to take me to goodwill to get supplies for the jewish costumes and I was really excited for it but on the day that we were supposed to go to goodwill, my mom told me i can’t dress as a jew because my uncle told her it’s racist.
I was confused as to why I can’t dress as one. I show her the videos about it being racist, but she still says no. I wasn't upset but I still want to know why.
And she told me everything I needed to know.
Nothing it more scary and f**ked up, then HISTORY.
YOU: “ I know all of this. Don’t tell me this crap. ”
OTHER YOU: “ I didn’t pay attention in history class. Because who does!? ”
YOU: “ Good point, tell me the history crap. ”
OTHER YOU: “ Wait… are we going to learn!? Fuck this shit Im out! ”
* OTHER YOU leaves *
Anyways, my mom told me…
A long time ago The jews had it rough back then. People hated jews for stupid reasons.
It started when Jesus died and some of Jesus' followers split into two groups jewishs and Christians, and the Christians told lies about the jews being evil and said jews were responsible for Jesus' death.
People called the jews greedy because they had a lot of money but they were really educated, so The jews were forced to live in crappy neighborhoods called ghettos.
but all of this is stupid because Jesus was jewish and he killed himself for nothing, and he's not real.
YOU: " Hey, he’s real. He’s as real as hitter “
OTHER YOU: “ * popcorn chewing sound * if Jesus is real, * popcorn chewing sound * I’m going to hell? * popcorn chewing sound * ”
YOU: I thought you left? And is that popcorn? “
OTHER YOU: “ yeah, I got bored and hungry. ”
YOU: “ Can I have some? ”
OTHER YOU: “ * popcorn chewing sound * fuck no. * popcorn chewing sound * ”
YOU: “ dick. ”
Anyways, speaking of hitter, that’s the next part. In the end of ww2, Germany got f**ked and they lost a lot of money. So they blamed the jews and 6 MILLION jews died. 6 million innocent people are dead because of one man who brainwashed a whole country to hate people that are different.
This is not a joke, this is really fucked up.
OTHER YOU: “ This is really dark. ”
You: “ Now I know why you're going to hell. I know how bad WW2 is, and it’s depressing, but… this is a Halloween story and all you have been doing is talking about wanting to be a jew for Halloween. And this was so stupid long to read. Like…
Mother dick! Why is this so long!? How the hell can anyone read this!? This is long enough to be a book and the rules were it has to be a Short story. ”
I know, I know. but I don’t give a crap, jack. If I was able to make one person read all of this, it would be worth it. And it was. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suck it!
YOU: “ EAT, SHIT! ”
LOOK, it’s not that long.
Anyways, another reason why my mom doesn't want me to dress up as a jew because it will be in my record so everyone will remind me and they’ll use that against me if i’m trying to get a job.
I really don't remember that much because I'm starting to forget a little and I don’t want to ask her again.
this part of the story where it’s going to be serious. So…
YOU: “ Hold on… why do I feel like we had this conversation before? ”
What do you mean?
YOU: “ OH MY KONAMI! THIS IS JUST A FUCKING COPY PASTA! ”
Yeah, it’s a Creepypasta.
YOU: “ No! you wrote something like this, in a Halloween Contest on Newgrounds! And put it here! ”
Don’t forget the fact that I lost.
Try to find it.
OTHER YOU: “ HA! You even admit it! ”
Look, I know you think this is lazy, but I did put effort in here.
YOU: “ How? ”
This is a remake of that story, and most importantly, it’s still not over. There's more to tell
YOU: “ like what? ”
Right now this year, I’m going to a Halloween party, and I’m going as... A JEW!
OTHER YOU: “ Gesundheit. ”