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Relationship problems

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Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:06:05


I know its not usually a good idea to air dirty laundry, but I don't have any irl or even online friends to talk to about it anyway so this is all there really is.


I've been in the same relationship for most of my life, like legit since 2005 or 2006 I can't remember. There were a bunch of ups and downs that I even posted about here in the past years ago, but we don't really need to get into detail. Just know that my girlfriend and I have both made some mistakes that neither of us have really recovered from. She's quick to anger and drives most of my life choices, I've been miserable and had no sense of self for at least like 8 years now. I'm definitely not happy or enjoying life, and most things feel like a chore since im always stressed out.


On the other side of things, I've known this girl most of my life. We're incredibly close. I spend a lot of my time feeling sorry for her even when she gets mad. Like she'll have nowhere to go if i'm not there. Over the years we've had a lot of close breakups, and I told myself I'd have gotten out of this by now if things kept being bad. One such breakup changed all that when she attempted suicide while I was at work.


I've got a permanent mental image of her lying in the bathtub in red water surrounded by knives she tried to cut herself with. I thought for sure she was dead, and that thought was some of the worst shock and sadness i've ever felt. Thankfully she wasnt able to cut deep enough with the knives we had on hand. Despite that, the mental health system here didnt really give her much therapy. Just one session telling her to go join a community group as 'homework'.


Since then things got better, probably on account of me not letting myself speak out as much or get mad if we argue. She promised she'd never try that again, and for awhile I thought it was less and less likely. But then back in January, her dad, who to her, is the most important person in her life, her idol who she always wanted to be like, passed away suddenly. One minute he was alive, the next something had blocked a valve in his heart killing him instantly. He was fit and healthy in his mid 50s. She still hasnt recovered from it, and neither have I really.


Our relationship issues remain, im still miserable most days, feeling like a bird in a cage, while some days are good, and I feel like she's just misunderstood, that ill miss all the quality moments of laughing or sitting in bed talking. But I can't act on my negative feelings, knowing it could kill her, knowing she won't have anyone else, that her family is fragmented from the loss of her dad, and now one of her close friends has cut contact too.


Not really sure what to do, at this rate ill die of old age dedicating my life to this girl. If nothing else, I posted about it and got it out there, so thanks for reading.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:07:47 (edited 2020-05-21 09:08:03)


If you can't say what you need to say to someone in a relationship, it's an imbalance of power and unhealthy at best. Get out of it.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:08:45


just get a new girl lol


quit making your value about who you're fucking or whatever


give that bitch back to the streets


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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:34:20


At 5/21/20 09:07 AM, CountFuckula wrote: If you can't say what you need to say to someone in a relationship, it's an imbalance of power and unhealthy at best. Get out of it.


I agree with you, but unless I can get her into therapy and into a mental state where she's not at risk I can't really get out. I don't want to leave then find out she killed herself. Even if I don't look back I'll always be wondering and worrying about it. She may be bad sometimes, but I would never want that to happen to her.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:40:17 (edited 2020-05-21 09:49:01)


At 5/21/20 09:34 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:07 AM, CountFuckula wrote: If you can't say what you need to say to someone in a relationship, it's an imbalance of power and unhealthy at best. Get out of it.
I agree with you, but unless I can get her into therapy and into a mental state where she's not at risk I can't really get out. I don't want to leave then find out she killed herself. Even if I don't look back I'll always be wondering and worrying about it. She may be bad sometimes, but I would never want that to happen to her.

You might not like to do this, but I believe that a 302 is in order for her. She can get the help she needs then. You can't look at the stuff you wrote in the opening post and honestly say that a 302 is out of order for her.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:48:53


Kind of opposite of whatever other people just said, I was having a super rough relationship years back.


We were really both in hard places and to be honest I thought it was over.


We finally decided just to do couples counseling as a last try. God damn, was that good for us. Not only did it fix all of our issues, it made us realize that most of our issues were literally just slight misunderstandings.


Things didn't go back to normal, they got amazingly better. Fast forward years later and we've never even been close to that point and we are getting married.


Couples counceling saved our relationship. I'm not saying it'll work for you, but it was worth it for us. Its sounds like both of you could really use therapy anyways. So if you're not doing it for you, do it for your own mental health.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 09:59:21


At 5/21/20 09:34 AM, MinatoArisato wrote: I don't want to leave then find out she killed herself.


So you don't want your beloved to be happy?


You can't fight for peace. If you fight, there ain't peace. NO, I'M NOT AMERICAN!

On every ship that floats and sails, there's someone who the captain nails.

Sig by Decky.

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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 10:01:58


At 5/21/20 09:40 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:34 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:07 AM, CountFuckula wrote: If you can't say what you need to say to someone in a relationship, it's an imbalance of power and unhealthy at best. Get out of it.
I agree with you, but unless I can get her into therapy and into a mental state where she's not at risk I can't really get out. I don't want to leave then find out she killed herself. Even if I don't look back I'll always be wondering and worrying about it. She may be bad sometimes, but I would never want that to happen to her.
You might not like to do this, but I believe that a 302 is in order for her. She can get the help she needs then. You can't look at the stuff you wrote in the opening post and honestly say that a 302 is out of order for her.


I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 10:03:18


At 5/21/20 10:01 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:40 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:34 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:07 AM, CountFuckula wrote: If you can't say what you need to say to someone in a relationship, it's an imbalance of power and unhealthy at best. Get out of it.
I agree with you, but unless I can get her into therapy and into a mental state where she's not at risk I can't really get out. I don't want to leave then find out she killed herself. Even if I don't look back I'll always be wondering and worrying about it. She may be bad sometimes, but I would never want that to happen to her.
You might not like to do this, but I believe that a 302 is in order for her. She can get the help she needs then. You can't look at the stuff you wrote in the opening post and honestly say that a 302 is out of order for her.
I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.

iu_123873_2552892.jpg

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 10:05:31


At 5/21/20 09:48 AM, Fro wrote: Kind of opposite of whatever other people just said, I was having a super rough relationship years back.

We were really both in hard places and to be honest I thought it was over.

We finally decided just to do couples counseling as a last try. God damn, was that good for us. Not only did it fix all of our issues, it made us realize that most of our issues were literally just slight misunderstandings.

Things didn't go back to normal, they got amazingly better. Fast forward years later and we've never even been close to that point and we are getting married.

Couples counceling saved our relationship. I'm not saying it'll work for you, but it was worth it for us. Its sounds like both of you could really use therapy anyways. So if you're not doing it for you, do it for your own mental health.


We were supposed to go awhile ago but didn't manage to find anything affordable at the time. Maybe work coverage can cover it now i'm not sure. She's the kind of person who will get angry whenever someone makes her the bad guy or puts her at fault, so i've gotta find a therapist that's going to take things slow too. I don't know if her anger problems can ever be sorted out entirely since it might be a biological thing, but she can go from 0-100 in a heated argument and start destroying things. I'd like to do counseling but it's probably gonna be awhile before corona dies down.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 10:08:31


My advice is this: Give up on the idea of any relationships in your life and just focus on doing what you love.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 10:26:08


At 5/21/20 10:05 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:48 AM, Fro wrote: Kind of opposite of whatever other people just said, I was having a super rough relationship years back.

We were really both in hard places and to be honest I thought it was over.

We finally decided just to do couples counseling as a last try. God damn, was that good for us. Not only did it fix all of our issues, it made us realize that most of our issues were literally just slight misunderstandings.

Things didn't go back to normal, they got amazingly better. Fast forward years later and we've never even been close to that point and we are getting married.

Couples counceling saved our relationship. I'm not saying it'll work for you, but it was worth it for us. Its sounds like both of you could really use therapy anyways. So if you're not doing it for you, do it for your own mental health.
We were supposed to go awhile ago but didn't manage to find anything affordable at the time. Maybe work coverage can cover it now i'm not sure. She's the kind of person who will get angry whenever someone makes her the bad guy or puts her at fault, so i've gotta find a therapist that's going to take things slow too. I don't know if her anger problems can ever be sorted out entirely since it might be a biological thing, but she can go from 0-100 in a heated argument and start destroying things. I'd like to do counseling but it's probably gonna be awhile before corona dies down.


Can I be straight forward here? I'm going to give you some tough love...


Your first sentence might be all you have to know about your relationship. You just got done saying that money was more important than your relationship. In fact, every single thing in your response was an excuse not to try something that might solve everything. What's your fear? That if you try and it doesn't work it's a waste of time and money? Wouldn't it be even worse to spend more years together and find out that it didn't work instead? You got to stop making excuses. It's only going to make things worst.


That being said, that was my fear. My original excuse was that it would cost too much money. It wasn't until the separation that I realized I'd spend every single dime of my own savings, sell all my belongings, do anything to make it right. So yeah, the $160 dollars a month cost a lot. I'd do it again for $1,000 a month with the results it gave.


My actual fear was what if it doesn't work. I slowly came to realize that if it didn't work that I was literally no better off or worse than I was now, but at least there would be closer in knowing we just weren't meant for each other. That's worth the money as well.


Go into therapy realizing that both of you are making mistakes. It's both of your faults, not just her, even if you can't or don't see it now. When your partner see's you admitting your faults and mistakes in front of them, they are much more willing to do the same. At the end of the day you see that they're extremely tiny misunderstandings that have just added up over the course of the years.


And like I said, just off of your descriptions of your relationship at the very least, you both need individual counseling.


Take what I said or leave it. I come from a counseling background that involved peer understanding. I've counseled worst of enemies back into shaking hands together. So much can be done simply talking to someone and seeing their side of things. You realize that we are stuck in our head so much we really have no clue how others are feeling.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 10:43:50


At 5/21/20 10:03 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:01 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:40 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:34 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:07 AM, CountFuckula wrote: If you can't say what you need to say to someone in a relationship, it's an imbalance of power and unhealthy at best. Get out of it.
I agree with you, but unless I can get her into therapy and into a mental state where she's not at risk I can't really get out. I don't want to leave then find out she killed herself. Even if I don't look back I'll always be wondering and worrying about it. She may be bad sometimes, but I would never want that to happen to her.
You might not like to do this, but I believe that a 302 is in order for her. She can get the help she needs then. You can't look at the stuff you wrote in the opening post and honestly say that a 302 is out of order for her.
I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.

I'm in canada, we don't have that here.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 11:17:29


At 5/21/20 10:26 AM, Fro wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:05 AM, MinatoArisato wrote:
At 5/21/20 09:48 AM, Fro wrote: Kind of opposite of whatever other people just said, I was having a super rough relationship years back.

We were really both in hard places and to be honest I thought it was over.

We finally decided just to do couples counseling as a last try. God damn, was that good for us. Not only did it fix all of our issues, it made us realize that most of our issues were literally just slight misunderstandings.

Things didn't go back to normal, they got amazingly better. Fast forward years later and we've never even been close to that point and we are getting married.

Couples counceling saved our relationship. I'm not saying it'll work for you, but it was worth it for us. Its sounds like both of you could really use therapy anyways. So if you're not doing it for you, do it for your own mental health.
We were supposed to go awhile ago but didn't manage to find anything affordable at the time. Maybe work coverage can cover it now i'm not sure. She's the kind of person who will get angry whenever someone makes her the bad guy or puts her at fault, so i've gotta find a therapist that's going to take things slow too. I don't know if her anger problems can ever be sorted out entirely since it might be a biological thing, but she can go from 0-100 in a heated argument and start destroying things. I'd like to do counseling but it's probably gonna be awhile before corona dies down.
Can I be straight forward here? I'm going to give you some tough love...

Your first sentence might be all you have to know about your relationship. You just got done saying that money was more important than your relationship. In fact, every single thing in your response was an excuse not to try something that might solve everything. What's your fear? That if you try and it doesn't work it's a waste of time and money? Wouldn't it be even worse to spend more years together and find out that it didn't work instead? You got to stop making excuses. It's only going to make things worst.

That being said, that was my fear. My original excuse was that it would cost too much money. It wasn't until the separation that I realized I'd spend every single dime of my own savings, sell all my belongings, do anything to make it right. So yeah, the $160 dollars a month cost a lot. I'd do it again for $1,000 a month with the results it gave.

My actual fear was what if it doesn't work. I slowly came to realize that if it didn't work that I was literally no better off or worse than I was now, but at least there would be closer in knowing we just weren't meant for each other. That's worth the money as well.

Go into therapy realizing that both of you are making mistakes. It's both of your faults, not just her, even if you can't or don't see it now. When your partner see's you admitting your faults and mistakes in front of them, they are much more willing to do the same. At the end of the day you see that they're extremely tiny misunderstandings that have just added up over the course of the years.

And like I said, just off of your descriptions of your relationship at the very least, you both need individual counseling.

Take what I said or leave it. I come from a counseling background that involved peer understanding. I've counseled worst of enemies back into shaking hands together. So much can be done simply talking to someone and seeing their side of things. You realize that we are stuck in our head so much we really have no clue how others are feeling.


Let me put things into perspective for you since you jumped right to money. It's not a 'I want to spend money on things I want instead of therapy' it's I'm in debt a large sum of money. I haven't paid my power bill in like 6 months because I can't afford it. So right now it's a matter of it being covered by either of our work benefits, or not being able to pay rent.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 12:46:16


At 5/21/20 10:03 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:01 AM, MinatoArisato wrote: I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.


Oh, bugger the fuck off. It's better to die with honour than to live without it.


You can't fight for peace. If you fight, there ain't peace. NO, I'M NOT AMERICAN!

On every ship that floats and sails, there's someone who the captain nails.

Sig by Decky.

BBS Signature

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 13:25:12 (edited 2020-05-21 13:27:39)


I hope you will appreciate that the advice I am giving you is also in the context of what I am currently undergoing with my own girlfriend, who I've been with for more than a year. It may also explain some of my own mood issues lately, because I'm not going to lie, I feel a lot of pain inside as we speak. Far more of it than in many years.


Again, your relationship issues sound similar to mine, except my girlfriend didn't lose her dad. She lost her younger sister, who was only 25 at the time of her death, and was previously in an inpatient facility for about 6 months to treat drug addiction. This was last month in April and she hasn't been fully normal since.


Cause of death? Xanax + alcohol overdose (and likely Percocet too).


She hasn't been fully normal since then she cries a lot at work and at home, underetandably. I'd also be kidding if I said I took wasn't unsettled by the sight of her sister's dead body, because I was. I also remember her alive too. She definitely did not die on her own terms. That last memory of her alive is etched into my brain, as well as the images of her dead body at her funeral.


Despite me saying repeatedly I'll be there for my girlfriend, on a bad day, she goes into her tortoise shell and blocks me on everything--my number and my social media. When she feels better again she unblocks me, but not for long. It's torturous. It's also wrong. Grief is tough, but passive-aggression towards your loved ones makes healing far tougher in ways she doesn't recognize.


I'm about to start the discussion of couples therapy and grief therapy the next time my girlfriend contacts me. She will. She will need to stick with it for a a long time and so will I.


When we talk, she is still loving and cheery to the best extent possible, but her flame isn't shining as brightly as prior to her sister's death. I noticed the difference almost instantly. She doesn't even incorporate nearly as many of her unique set of signature emojis into her texts. That in itself was a red flag. If I didn't know what happened, I would be asking myself, does she no longer love me? Maybe I should still ask that in light of what has been going on, but she always comes back. I promised I'd help her and better not renege on that promise.


She has suffered enough already so I'll pay for the sessions.


If you do some basic research, you will find that consoling a girlfriend in grief is one of the toughest things you will ever have to do as a boyfriend. So for now you have no choice but to pull back and give her space until she reaches out to you. That time will come, but it probably kills you not knowing when that time will be.


Join the club though. I'm not sure exactly when my girlfriend will feel better enough to talk to me, but she will, and I have an action plan in place when she does.


I can't stress this enough: as tempting as it is, DO NOT contact your girlfriend in any way at this time. Stalker-ish behavior is unacceptable and particularly unacceptable when a person is grieving and doesn't want anyone around. If you are that important to her and you have been with her for this long, she will reach out to you. Even if it takes months or years, but more likely months. Weeks maybe.


Lastly, your therapy goals should be exactly the same mine are: how does she cope without resorting to passive-aggression, and how can your misunderstandings of her and her misunderstandings of you be fully reconciled?


Former iron fist mod of the NG Featureless Chat from May 23, 2012 to May 4, 2014.

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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 13:38:13


i've read some of the comments. It's easy to just say move on, but lets face it, when you are talking over a decade with someone, it's not as simple as moving on.


Honestly? @Fro had the best idea tbh. Just I would say, ya'll DON'T need couple's counseling just yet, she needs her own personal therapy. Neither of you can give each other what ya'll want or need when ya'll are incomplete on the inside.

She has issues that she need to work out amongst herself first.


I would suggest while she is doing that, you two just be on the friend status so it will give you time to heal as well.


NG Review Moderator // Pm me for Review Abuse

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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 13:44:18


At 5/21/20 01:25 PM, GoryBlizzard wrote: I hope you will appreciate that the advice I am giving you is also in the context of what I am currently undergoing with my own girlfriend, who I've been with for more than a year. It may also explain some of my own mood issues lately, because I'm not going to lie, I feel a lot of pain inside as we speak. Far more of it than in many years.

Again, your relationship issues sound similar to mine, except my girlfriend didn't lose her dad. She lost her younger sister, who was only 25 at the time of her death, and was previously in an inpatient facility for about 6 months to treat drug addiction. This was last month in April and she hasn't been fully normal since.

Cause of death? Xanax + alcohol overdose (and likely Percocet too).

She hasn't been fully normal since then she cries a lot at work and at home, underetandably. I'd also be kidding if I said I took wasn't unsettled by the sight of her sister's dead body, because I was. I also remember her alive too. She definitely did not die on her own terms. That last memory of her alive is etched into my brain, as well as the images of her dead body at her funeral.

Despite me saying repeatedly I'll be there for my girlfriend, on a bad day, she goes into her tortoise shell and blocks me on everything--my number and my social media. When she feels better again she unblocks me, but not for long. It's torturous. It's also wrong. Grief is tough, but passive-aggression towards your loved ones makes healing far tougher in ways she doesn't recognize.

I'm about to start the discussion of couples therapy and grief therapy the next time my girlfriend contacts me. She will. She will need to stick with it for a a long time and so will I.

When we talk, she is still loving and cheery to the best extent possible, but her flame isn't shining as brightly as prior to her sister's death. I noticed the difference almost instantly. She doesn't even incorporate nearly as many of her unique set of signature emojis into her texts. That in itself was a red flag. If I didn't know what happened, I would be asking myself, does she no longer love me? Maybe I should still ask that in light of what has been going on, but she always comes back. I promised I'd help her and better not renege on that promise.

She has suffered enough already so I'll pay for the sessions.

If you do some basic research, you will find that consoling a girlfriend in grief is one of the toughest things you will ever have to do as a boyfriend. So for now you have no choice but to pull back and give her space until she reaches out to you. That time will come, but it probably kills you not knowing when that time will be.

Join the club though. I'm not sure exactly when my girlfriend will feel better enough to talk to me, but she will, and I have an action plan in place when she does.

I can't stress this enough: as tempting as it is, DO NOT contact your girlfriend in any way at this time. Stalker-ish behavior is unacceptable and particularly unacceptable when a person is grieving and doesn't want anyone around. If you are that important to her and you have been with her for this long, she will reach out to you. Even if it takes months or years, but more likely months. Weeks maybe.

Lastly, your therapy goals should be exactly the same mine are: how does she cope without resorting to passive-aggression, and how can your misunderstandings of her and her misunderstandings of you be fully reconciled?


I was fortunate enough to not be there when her Dad died, but her brothers were and one of them had tried to resuscitate him but nothing could be done. The two of them have been really messed up over it ever since and can't even look at pictures of him. For me, I was here for his visits every week after work, and I can remember him alive, so its the first time i've ever had someone I knew personally die too. It kinda shook my own mortality and I've been more afraid of death since then myself too.


The situation with me and my girlfriend is a bit different than yours. We live together and have since probably 2008, so we're not really away from each other. Space would honestly help more than anything since we both want more of it. Our fights aren't really caused by grief, they're much older than that, and more or less linked to our base habits. She has certain expectations of me that I don't meet, while on her side I wish she wasn't so overbearing or self centered as she is, but she has too much pride.


Her coping mechanism during a fight is usually to go off on me and insult me in any way she can in hopes it leaves an impression. If I try to walk out of the room if she's mad enough she'll start destroying things because she can't vent her frustrations at me. So most times it will be me sitting there listening to her in silence while she tries to make me feel like shit, only replying when she demands a reply because sometimes just ignoring her will get her pissed off. I've had enough of these fights to know that the only way she levels out is if you don't stoke the fire and just let enough time pass for her to become apologetic, but nothing is really learned or fixed by the fights, we just make up when she's sorry, then go back to the usual.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 13:47:35


At 5/21/20 01:38 PM, kidray76 wrote: i've read some of the comments. It's easy to just say move on, but lets face it, when you are talking over a decade with someone, it's not as simple as moving on.

Honestly? @Fro had the best idea tbh. Just I would say, ya'll DON'T need couple's counseling just yet, she needs her own personal therapy. Neither of you can give each other what ya'll want or need when ya'll are incomplete on the inside.
She has issues that she need to work out amongst herself first.

I would suggest while she is doing that, you two just be on the friend status so it will give you time to heal as well.


As much as friend status would probably help, we live together and moving out would spark one of the fights in question or possible suicide, so I'm going to have to wait until the therapists open up again before I can move in that direction. I wish I had somewhere else in the city to go so I could catch a break for a day or two if I needed it though. The only friend who's house I could hang out at has moved away.


Master of questionable life choices

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 13:55:04


At 5/21/20 01:38 PM, kidray76 wrote: i've read some of the comments. It's easy to just say move on, but lets face it, when you are talking over a decade with someone, it's not as simple as moving on.

Honestly? @Fro had the best idea tbh. Just I would say, ya'll DON'T need couple's counseling just yet, she needs her own personal therapy. Neither of you can give each other what ya'll want or need when ya'll are incomplete on the inside.
She has issues that she need to work out amongst herself first.

I would suggest while she is doing that, you two just be on the friend status so it will give you time to heal as well.


I agree, but there's really no harm in having couples therapy at the same time. That being said, I think they most likely need their own separate therapy as well, not just her, even though her need seems more obvious.


Seriously the best advice anyone can have is to learn to love and live with nobody but yourself. Something that if both sides can't do, you won't be anymore more happy together.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 14:00:35 (edited 2020-05-21 14:02:56)


At 5/21/20 01:44 PM, MinatoArisato wrote: The situation with me and my girlfriend is a bit different than yours. We live together and have since probably 2008, so we're not really away from each other. Space would honestly help more than anything since we both want more of it. Our fights aren't really caused by grief, they're much older than that, and more or less linked to our base habits. She has certain expectations of me that I don't meet, while on her side I wish she wasn't so overbearing or self centered as she is, but she has too much pride.


You should have indicated her as a domestic partner, which is a step up than just a girlfriend. This is not just some technical difference to brush aside; the fact that you share the same home together means a lot when it comes to being able to help, but it doesn't make therapy any less of a viable option.


Her coping mechanism during a fight is usually to go off on me and insult me in any way she can in hopes it leaves an impression. If I try to walk out of the room if she's mad enough she'll start destroying things because she can't vent her frustrations at me. So most times it will be me sitting there listening to her in silence while she tries to make me feel like shit, only replying when she demands a reply because sometimes just ignoring her will get her pissed off. I've had enough of these fights to know that the only way she levels out is if you don't stoke the fire and just let enough time pass for her to become apologetic, but nothing is really learned or fixed by the fights, we just make up when she's sorry, then go back to the usual.


I have a subtenant who exhibits behaviors just like that. Like in your case, he occupies the same roof as me, although we are not involved romantically. It sounds like to me you need to familiarize yourself with how to handle covert narcissists because based on how you described her behavior, I am 100% sure she is one. 100%.


Seriously, there are tons of YouTube videos on covert narcissism and Internet articles. If this is the first time you are learning she is a covert narcissist, well, now is the time to start researching and tactically disarming her when necessary. This sounds like the real problem that should have been taken care of long before her father's death. The main point though is not to feed her ego. Her way of showing she has one are more subtle. I am now convinced that this is a toxic enough relationship that any way you can get out of it, please do.


Former iron fist mod of the NG Featureless Chat from May 23, 2012 to May 4, 2014.

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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 14:13:38


At 5/21/20 01:55 PM, Fro wrote:
At 5/21/20 01:38 PM, kidray76 wrote:
I agree, but there's really no harm in having couples therapy at the same time.

True, just I learned issues within a couple never get resolved till they address individual personal issues first.



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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 14:14:57


At 5/21/20 02:13 PM, kidray76 wrote:
At 5/21/20 01:55 PM, Fro wrote:
At 5/21/20 01:38 PM, kidray76 wrote:
I agree, but there's really no harm in having couples therapy at the same time.
True, just I learned issues within a couple never get resolved till they address individual personal issues first.


Suck my dick.

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-21 14:17:02


At 5/21/20 02:14 PM, Fro wrote:
At 5/21/20 02:13 PM, kidray76 wrote:
At 5/21/20 01:55 PM, Fro wrote:
At 5/21/20 01:38 PM, kidray76 wrote:
I agree, but there's really no harm in having couples therapy at the same time.
True, just I learned issues within a couple never get resolved till they address individual personal issues first.
Suck my dick.


Again?


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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-22 19:46:55


At 5/21/20 10:03 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:01 AM, MinatoArisato wrote: I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.
302

I'm curious to see what @FUNKbrs thinks of this...

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-22 21:44:24


At 5/22/20 07:46 PM, Painbringer wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:03 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:01 AM, MinatoArisato wrote: I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.
302
I'm curious to see what @FUNKbrs thinks of this...


Probably hates it.


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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-22 21:47:37


At 5/22/20 09:44 PM, Prinzy2 wrote:
At 5/22/20 07:46 PM, Painbringer wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:03 AM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/21/20 10:01 AM, MinatoArisato wrote: I have no idea what a 302 even is my guy.
302
I'm curious to see what @FUNKbrs thinks of this...
Probably hates it.

He hates you, too

Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-22 21:48:53


At 5/22/20 09:47 PM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/22/20 09:44 PM, Prinzy2 wrote:


Probably hates it.
He hates you, too


He'd better.


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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-22 21:50:25


At 5/22/20 09:48 PM, Prinzy2 wrote:
At 5/22/20 09:47 PM, CountFuckula wrote:
At 5/22/20 09:44 PM, Prinzy2 wrote:
Probably hates it.
He hates you, too
He'd better.


Ur his little buttercup child


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Response to Relationship problems 2020-05-22 22:01:23


At 5/22/20 09:50 PM, curtainsjoe wrote: Ur his little buttercup child


No u!


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