a Jewish Halloween story
#relatable (based on a true story) ( NOT CLICKBAIT) *emotional
1 day. once a year there is a day that might be the best day of the year. A really special holiday once a year that is loved by everyone. A day that brings joy to boys and girls... and pedophiles.
every time you go to sleep, you lying in bed and waiting for that day to come and when it does, you feel truly alive. There are other holidays that are not as good as this one.
Easter, Christmas, New Year's,Thanksgiving, Chinese New Years, Valentine's Day.
F**K THOSE HOLIDAYS. There’s only one holiday that is good and that holiday is… drum roll please…
No drum roll? Fine, f**k you.
That holiday is... MADNESS DAY! And Halloween.
I’m so sorry Halloween! I still love you! Christmas can go suck a dick.
Anyways, I loved Halloween as a kid and I still do. It’s better than Christmas.
But… something happened.
When I was 16 years I was wondering what I was going to be for Halloween and I didn't want to dress up at the same thing from last year. I wanted to be something that really says me. Who I am in side. I want to come out and be who I am for Halloween.
You: “ what are you gay? ”
WHAT!? No… I’m not… only 10%.
You: “ 10%? That does that mean? ”
I like dick jokes and I think girls with dicks are sexy.
But 90% I’m still your average straight vagina guy… oh wait. maybe I said that wrong.
You: “ you didn’t have to tell me that. ”
Hay! you ask a question you get an answer.
Anyways, for Halloween I wanted to be… please give the drum roll...
You: “ … what? ”
I know, it’s a great idea.
You: “ WHY!? Why would you dress up as a jew!? ”
Because why not.
You: “ because it's racist, you dumbass! ”
my family are Christians and everybody knows that Christians and Jews are the same thing.
And I want to dress as a jew, not a nazi-
Oh shit, that’s too far with that
You: “ f**king cracker ”
Hay, I’m not a racist. I like my women how I like my chicken. BLACK.
You: “ oh my konami! I will f**king smash your brain with a mallet if I find you, you son of a b-!!!!!!!!! ”
BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before you try to kill me.
You: “ too late. I'm already on Google maps and got a mallet. ”
It’s not racist to dress up as a jew because they don’t get affected by it.
I saw a video about a guy asking a jew if it’s racist and the jew said, quote “ לא ” as in “no” in hebrew. I know this because I know how to spick hebrew.
You: “ you Google translate it. ”
So it’s not insulting to them to dress as a Jewish person for Halloween.
So you can be mad at me.
but it's weird that some people get offended by it if there not Jewish.
And now who's racist.
You: “ still you, and I want to know… WHY THE F**K DO YOU WANT TO DRESS UP AS A JEW. ”
the reason why I want to dress up as a Jew is because there FABULOUS. the way they dress up is incredibly good. They look like those Japanese delinquents and that complement because they both have amazing Style.
They look kinda similar.
You: “ not really. And your you're comparing dangerous Teenage Dirtbag from another country to people in a religion? “
Someone: “ actually he's comparing Jews to jojo. So you can call it jew jew Jewish adventure. ”
You: “ that’s less offensive. ”
… yes? But not every Japanese Teenage Dirtbag is a jojo reference. Those types of people existed a long time ago. but the Japanese delinquents don't exist anymore, they only appear in manga, anime and video games.
And the Japanese delinquents are really badass, and so are the Jews.
You: “ but you still, you better not dress as one. ”
I won’t, that’s the point of the story. Why I can’t dress as one.
BACK TO THE STORY.
I told my mom I want to be a jew for halloween and she said yes and she was going to take me to goodwill to get supplies for the Jewish costumes and I was really excited for it but on the day that we were supposed to go to goodwill, my mom told me i can’t dress as a jew because my uncle told her it’s racist.
I was confused as to why I can’t dress as one. I show her the videos about it’s not racist, but she still says no. I wasn't upset but I still want to know why.
And she told me everything I need to know.
Nothing it more scary and f**ked up, then HISTORY.
You: “ I know all of this. Don’t tell me this crap. ”
Someone: “ I didn’t pay attention in history class. Because who dose!? ”
You: “ good point, tell me the history crap. ”
Someone: “ wait… are we going to learn!? F**k this sh*t im out! ”
* someone leaves *
Anyways, my mom told me…
A long time ago The jews had it rough back then. People hated jews for stupid reasons.
It started when Jesus died and some of jesus followers split into two groups jewishs and Christians, and the Christians said lies about the jews being evil and said jews were responsible for Jesus' death.
People called the jews greedy because they have a lot of money but they were really educated, so The jews were forced to live in crappy neighborhoods called ghettos.
but all of this is stupid because Jesus was jewish and he killed himself for nothing, and he's not real.
You: " hay, he’s real. He’s as real as hitter “
Someone: “ * popcorn chewing sound * if Jesus is real, * popcorn chewing sound * I’m going to hell? * popcorn chewing sound * ”
You: I thought you leave? And is that popcorn? “
Someone: “ I got bored and hungry. ”
You: “ can I have some popcorn? ”
Someone: “ * popcorn chewing sound * f**k no. * popcorn chewing sound * ”
You: “ dick. ”
Anyways, speaking of hitter, that’s the next part. In the end of ww2, Germany got f**ked and they lost a lot of money. So the so they blamed the jews and 6 MILLION jews die. 6 million innocent people are dead because of one man who brainwashed a whole country to hate people that are different.
This is not a joke, this is really f**ked up.
Someone: “ why is this so fucking long!? what is this supposed to do with Halloween?! ”
You: “ now I know why your going to hell. I know how bad the ww2 is and it’s depressing, but… this is a Halloween story and all you have been doing is talking about you wanting to a jew for Halloween. And this was so stupid long to read. Like…
Mother dick! Why is this so long!? How the hell can anyone read this!? This is long enough to be a book and the rules was it has to be a Short story. ”
I know, I know. but I don’t give a crap, jack. If I was able to make one person to read all of this, it would be worth it. And it was. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suck it!
You: “ EAT, SH*T! ”
LOOK, it’s not that long.
Anyways, another reason why my mom doesn't want me to dress up as a jew because it will be in my record so everyone will reminder and they’ll use that against me if i’m trying to get a job.
I really don't remember that much because I'm starting to forget a little and I don’t want to ask her again.
this part of the story where it’s going to be serious. So…
I don’t hate jews and I never hated them but you probably know this. but some of you probably get offended even though you're not Jewish. And you probably pretending to be offended. I don't know why. I forgot why.
I'm just writing what I'm thinking.
it's a terrible time to be a comedian because everybody gets offended so easily. But people need to learn to laugh at them self again.
But At the end of the day, I'm not a jew. And I don't want to be one because I would be terrible at it.
I want to dress as one, but I can't and I won't.
SO, did I scare you?
You: " NO "
Oh… but it was fun.
And there’s a Moral.
Jewish soldier: “ and the Moral of the story is... don’t be a jew on Halloween. You f**king idiot. “
Everyone: “ and now we know! ”
Jewish soldier: “ and knowing is half the battle. “
* G.I Jew! real Jewsish hero *
THIS WAS A JOKE. THIS WAS A JOKE. THIS WAS A JOKE. THIS WAS A JOKE. THIS WAS A JOKE. THIS WAS A JOKE. PLZ DON’T KILL ME!