Civil War Inside The Mind of A Secondary Consumer [part 1]
- Survesh Jones
I have been growing pretty thin lately and my skin can't be paler. I have become white as milk and I was the color of chocolate malt milk shake. Well I can't blame anything. Times have certainly been harsh for our kind, with the never ending reign of harsh summer, the days have gone longer and the nights shorter. The temperature has been boisterously hot. Even breathing air these days has become hard for me. The air is so hot that the moisture in my nose vaporises and it feels like I am breathing in fire.
I have been having second thoughts of leaving my house these days, owing to the weather. But I planned to go out today no matter what. Ok, let me first take a bath. But before that I have to pick out a pair of clothes to wear outside. Its almost night now. But none the less, I need a full hand shirt and a full pant, both thick and must be cotton. I hate the synthetic sheets of sandpapery horror, I would die wearing those in this heat. Like I am not already. That's why I have to go out tonight. Ok, so I will wear the red and black striped full hand tshirt with wooden buttons and a pair of dark blue jeans. I placed them neatly folded on my bed, which I keep neatly, with the pillow at the head of the bed and my bed sheet on top of it, neatly folded, again. I took my towel and soap and entered the bathroom. I closed the air went, so the passing light may not enter and switched on the electric bulb. These bulbs are coiled and are filled with white gases. They emit white light unlike the bulb that looks like a ball with tungsten in it.
I hate looking at the mirror. It ruins my day. But I have one in my bathroom anyways. So now I am going to bath and am not going to mind the existence of this mirror. I have already forgotten about that mirror, that is left of me, constantly reflecting the white light of the coiled up bulb. Bahh!! I hate the mirrors, always distracting me. May be going out today is a bad idea. I mean with the summer heat and everything. No, stop it, I have to go out today no matter what. I am the best at what I do, once I start doing it, I won't feel like this. Its just starting trouble. Ah, now comes the hard part, washing myself, what if the water is too hot. I hate hot water. I turned the shower on and the water was pouring down from the top like rain. I was just looking as the water poured down from the shower head. I could feel the heat radiating through the room from that water. Gosh, to heaven with it, I just jumped in the water, quickly spreading it across my body with the help of my hands. As soon as I covered up enough ground, I stopped the shover, I took the soap. The soap was dry as the air outside. Aww!!! I started the shover again, wet my soap and stopped the shower.
I always forget to wet that soap. Ok, I started from my shoulders, soaped my arms, legs, then the rear end and front end. Started the shower again. Watched the shower pour water from up above, again. But this time, I wasn't afraid of the water as much, as I had soap on me that will protect me from that hot water for sometime. Or so I thought and jumped into the water that was pouring down. I cleaned myself, stopped the shower, soaped my face and washed it off. I dried myself with the towel, came out of the bathroom, dried my foot on the dirty mat that sits outside the bathroom. I went to my room, picked up my neatly folded clothes. put my boxers on first, then my banian, then my pant and my full hand tshirt. I buclked up my pant with a belt and put on some cologne, on both armpit area to my banian that I wear inside my t-shirt. I made sure all the doors and windows in the apartment were locked. I took the apartment key and locked the door shut. I pushed the door once to check if the door was locked. And I made a mental note that I locked my door. I always worry about my door, and if I didn't do this I can't find a way to ensure that I locked my door. That always drives my anxiety up the mountains.
I started down the stairs and am now facing the big iron front gate. I opened it, there were few people here and there. Standing and talking about something. There was a family coming home from somewhere in their car. Ok now, just breath in the air and continue walking. You don't have to make eye contact with any one, I said to mysef. And I started walking from my house, on the road. I took a left turn, walked though the road with trees on both sides, I always liked this part of the road, feels like an arch made with trees. I walked past them, entered the street with the dogs. I just walked past them, without any fear in my heart with nothing but full respect for them, while breathing in and out steadily. The trick with dogs is that, you don't take notice of them and go on about your life and let them live their lives. If they start barking at you or following you, you must not exhibit any traces of fear and behave like a respectable being and move like a king, filled with pride. Throwing stones and shooing them makes things worse. I passed them and started down the road with the temple.
I feel highly uncomfortable walking down this road, I respect that people are in a place of worship and were doing rituals taught to them by their elders. I am cool with that, I just hate to come in contact with neighbours I know of, there. They will want to stop me and talk to me. I am going out on work, I don't want to talk to my neighbours now. I just kept the whole temple off of my 270 degree peripheral vision by concentrating on the oppsite part of the road and kept on walking. I passed that temple, yes!! No one called out my name, today is going to be a good day after all. I am feeling good already.
I walked to the railway station and got a ticket to the beach, its a long ride from down here, it was the last stop of this train. The train I boarded was pretty much empty. The lights were dim and everyone were almost asleep. I felt the tinge of the smallest bit of excitement somewhere deep in my heart. I have forgotten what it means to feel excited these days. My chidhood was filled with excitement, but as I grew older and my parents got meaner, I left my house, started living on my own. I work part time jobs that I can find on the internet. I code programs, websites, games and make some money that pays for the lodging and clothes. I stood from my seat, swaying with the train, maintaining my equilibrium and stood near the doors of the train. The doors of the trains here do not close as they take off. They remain open, and if you stand near the doors, you can feel the cool breeze of the night flowing through you. It feels like as though you are flying. How much, I want to fly.
The train reached beach station, it was dark already and lonely, with the exception of those people who had come to the wholesale bazars near the beach station. I walked the platform and got out of the railway station and started walking to the beach. I sat on the sands of the beach, once I roamed around and found a peacefull spot, looking at the sky, looking at the stars, the peacefull waves of the sea. It was calming, it soothed my nerves. I saw a couple, sitting under a boat stationed on the beach sand, a few feet from where I was sitting. I can do this, I said to myself. So I ran the steps through my mind and stood and started walking towards them slowly, being one with the night, becoming invisible to the naked eye, becoming a shadow, one with the night I was. The trick to a perfect kill, is to kill without the victim even knowing that they were killed. Doing that with one person is easy but with two is tricky. Like a tough maths calculus problem. I think I can pull it off. These two seem to be distracted by the laws of attraction, I think this won't be that complex.