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I'm new and need an opinon

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Signal17
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I'm new and need an opinon 2017-08-12 23:05:01 Reply

Hey,
i'm completly new not only to newgrounds but to writing and animation in general. but i really wanted to get started with it because i love learning new things and i have an idea for a bigger cartoon which i hope to realise some day in some form. i decided to start small and wrote a script for a 1-2 minute animation. before i start animating tough i wanted to get a few opinions on my script. please not that enlish isn't my native language so i'd also appreciate if you'd tell me if there are any gramatical mistakes.

The story is about the two brothers Jimmy and Collin. Jimmy always wondered what
happens if you set a light switch to half. When he tries it with his brother Collin they get teleported
into a place known as half world where they meet the so called half gurdian of half the half world...

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4Lh9gFuHYaHOHJ2MVBaeHpRdVU

yep, stupid story, i decided to make a story out of the first thing that comes into my head. however it has a plot twist that i hope is decent.

TimCaloweh
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-08-12 23:59:27 Reply

This is a stupid concept but the way you wrote it sounds very funny. I especially like how the half guardian talks about the glass half full and half glasses. The dialogue for Collin is a little off. But everything else is pretty good with the exception of the concept.

At 8/12/17 11:05 PM, Signal17 wrote: Hey,
i'm completly new not only to newgrounds but to writing and animation in general. but i really wanted to get started with it because i love learning new things and i have an idea for a bigger cartoon which i hope to realise some day in some form. i decided to start small and wrote a script for a 1-2 minute animation. before i start animating tough i wanted to get a few opinions on my script. please not that enlish isn't my native language so i'd also appreciate if you'd tell me if there are any gramatical mistakes.

The story is about the two brothers Jimmy and Collin. Jimmy always wondered what
happens if you set a light switch to half. When he tries it with his brother Collin they get teleported
into a place known as half world where they meet the so called half gurdian of half the half world...

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4Lh9gFuHYaHOHJ2MVBaeHpRdVU

yep, stupid story, i decided to make a story out of the first thing that comes into my head. however it has a plot twist that i hope is decent.
Signal17
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-08-13 10:29:58 Reply

At 8/12/17 11:59 PM, TimCaloweh wrote: This is a stupid concept but the way you wrote it sounds very funny. I especially like how the half guardian talks about the glass half full and half glasses. The dialogue for Collin is a little off. But everything else is pretty good with the exception of the concept.
At 8/12/17 11:05 PM, Signal17 wrote: Hey,
i'm completly new not only to newgrounds but to writing and animation in general. but i really wanted to get started with it because i love learning new things and i have an idea for a bigger cartoon which i hope to realise some day in some form. i decided to start small and wrote a script for a 1-2 minute animation. before i start animating tough i wanted to get a few opinions on my script. please not that enlish isn't my native language so i'd also appreciate if you'd tell me if there are any gramatical mistakes.

The story is about the two brothers Jimmy and Collin. Jimmy always wondered what
happens if you set a light switch to half. When he tries it with his brother Collin they get teleported
into a place known as half world where they meet the so called half gurdian of half the half world...

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4Lh9gFuHYaHOHJ2MVBaeHpRdVU

yep, stupid story, i decided to make a story out of the first thing that comes into my head. however it has a plot twist that i hope is decent.

thanks ^^
yeah, i tried to come up with my own idea for an animation and not animate a story that has been done a thousand times before.. i suck coming up with stuff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
what do you mean with Collin's dialoge being off? i'm not quite sure about the grammar in this sentence "Uhmm, you can still fill half a glass just to the half.". is that what you mean?

TimCaloweh
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It's just that Collins dialogue and way of speaking doesn't resonate alongside the other characters. Jimmy and the Half Guardian talk as though they try to find fun in everything by describing this world with such optimism. But then Collin smashes them all down with harsh reality as if he would never accept this world. So he's stubborn to the point that it's hateful.

Signal17
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-08-13 17:24:58 Reply

At 8/13/17 04:44 PM, TimCaloweh wrote: It's just that Collins dialogue and way of speaking doesn't resonate alongside the other characters. Jimmy and the Half Guardian talk as though they try to find fun in everything by describing this world with such optimism. But then Collin smashes them all down with harsh reality as if he would never accept this world. So he's stubborn to the point that it's hateful.

mhm, i see. i intended him to be a bit more cautious. but yeah, maybe i've overdone it a bit. i think i'll rewrite his part of the dialog. thanks :)

Fro
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-08-31 17:58:18 Reply

I just watched the flash episode. I'll write a review on it tomorrow to let you know everything in detail. Do you plan on continuing with the adventures of these brothers or do you think it was kind of a one time thing?


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Signal17
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-09-03 08:48:07 Reply

At 8/31/17 05:58 PM, Fro wrote: I just watched the flash episode. I'll write a review on it tomorrow to let you know everything in detail. Do you plan on continuing with the adventures of these brothers or do you think it was kind of a one time thing?

hey, sorry for not answering sooner, i was busy in real life and couldn't check newgrounds. thanks for your opinion. :)

yeah, i plan on doing more stuff with the brothers, or as Pete Christensen, the voice actor of everyone in the animation suggested, the gurdian. probably a continuation where they have to figure out how to get back. maybe the brothers will then team up with the gurdian and go on more adventures.

the problem is that i did the animation in the summer holidays where i had a lot of time. they're over now so i'll have to see when i have time to work on a second part.

jasobeluexy
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-09-13 18:49:38 Reply

I think you have to give your self a little credit on this one kid... it is original...


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GETITsaJoke
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-10-22 11:11:04 Reply

That script was actually really clever, made me laugh! You got taking a concept and executing it already figured out!

Signal17
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-10-22 13:39:57 Reply

At 10/22/17 11:11 AM, GETITsaJoke wrote: That script was actually really clever, made me laugh! You got taking a concept and executing it already figured out!

thanks ^^

The-Great-One
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Response to I'm new and need an opinon 2017-10-25 00:30:11 Reply

Nothing wrong with going with whatever pops into your head. You never know if it is good or not until you begin to flesh it out. I've written the word now multiple times on a sheet of paper until my brain found the next part of the story. The gurdian I find to be quite funny honestly, I also love the character designs. Will this be turned into an animation here on Newgrounds any time soon?

Signal17
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At 10/25/17 12:30 AM, The-Great-One wrote: Nothing wrong with going with whatever pops into your head. You never know if it is good or not until you begin to flesh it out. I've written the word now multiple times on a sheet of paper until my brain found the next part of the story. The gurdian I find to be quite funny honestly, I also love the character designs. Will this be turned into an animation here on Newgrounds any time soon?

i actually did turn it into an animation. https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/697989
i found a great voice actor who helped me out with it. however it neither had a lot of knowledge of animation back then (not now either..) nor a lot of time so it looks more like an animatic. i plan on improving it someday.. but yeah, i'm lazy.