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dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

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dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2017-11-19 02:42:16 Reply

This life is unbearable. I cannot go on like this. No matter the activity, whether it is gaming or art...these suicidal thoughts are right there....waiting for me. In my waking moments or sleep. I just feel so exhausted in my mind. I given up a lot of things just to pursue art as viable career. I don't know what more I can give just to keep going. In the back of my mind I can...see it. Feel it. The smell of blood. Its coppery...metallic....in large quantity. I dunno why my childhood is like that. Fear and violence. It didn't make me stronger...just very sad and tired. Its like was forsaken from the very beginning. I don't give a shit any more. My best is never good enough. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. Anyway, here is today's drawing. I'll try and do some more tomorrow if I am not tired.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2017-11-22 00:19:56 Reply

My only solace left is to contemplate death. My anger, depression and anxiety has left me with nothing but just that. I'm left with no room. I have nothing left in this world to love or care enough to go through therapy or medication in order to stay in this world. I am filled with so much sadness and grief. Drawing use to bring me soo much joy. But now, only grief and heartache. Its difficult for me just to put pencil to paper. All I can do is routine practice. Mindless and worthless shit. I'll have think about it all again, one last time. Why I suffer? And is this my reward? And what if things don't get better?

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dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2017-11-24 12:06:00 Reply

Death cannot come soon enough. I can't sleep. In my dreams, I seek shelter and cling to life has hurricanes and tornadoes destroy everything around me. I can't escape no matter what. I can't stop crying. As I drew this...I felt nauseated, I felt throwing up. I got headaches, I can feel pain on the left side of my brain. I have difficulty breathing...and my sides hurt. I feel pressure in my head. I need some sleep but I dunno why it hurts

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2017-11-28 10:56:33 Reply

These goddamn headaches. One moment I feel it in the left side of my brain. The next, I feel some sort of pressure on the right or in the back of the brain. I feel sick. I decided to eat Tylenol to kill the pain. Meanwhile, I have to figure out why I bother at all. I wish I could sleep and never wake up. I'll have to eat more pills and sleep for a bit.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

dilandoubishop
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I know people have good intentions when they say "Don't stress" or "Just take it easy." But I got a lot on my mind. And nothing is making that burden light. Rather, more keeps adding on. And less and less people are there for you. Here you are, contemplating death, everything goes fucking wrong, your fucking mental health takes a downward spiral at a faster pace than you expected. Meanwhile, you distract yourself with youtube, buying tutorials you think you'll watch later. But most of the time, you sleep. I thought I try drawing. I concentrate harder on my sketches. Angrier even. Furiously. Its fucking useless. I have been a laughing stock for a long while now.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-02-19 13:21:36 Reply

Things are not improving. You would not believe the frustration of dealing with constant depression, anxiety, anger, and the suicidal thoughts. It fucking ruins everything. Fuck your art, fuck your friends, fuck your family. And fuck your life. I should have ended everything 2 years ago. I should have never have opened up to the NG community. I should have never have joined the NG community. I should have never trusted anyone from the NG community. Can you imagine my anger and despair? To feel like your dreams can never come true. To feel like your trauma will revisit you again. And then your peers fucking with you when you open up to them, talking mad shit and then dumping you. It just leaves you with anger and suicidal thoughts. To difficult to breath. Its just too many traumatic memories. I think my art is reflecting these qualities.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

hvanderwegen
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At 11/28/17 10:56 AM, dilandoubishop wrote: These goddamn headaches. One moment I feel it in the left side of my brain. The next, I feel some sort of pressure on the right or in the back of the brain. I feel sick. I decided to eat Tylenol to kill the pain. Meanwhile, I have to figure out why I bother at all. I wish I could sleep and never wake up. I'll have to eat more pills and sleep for a bit.

This might sound silly, but since you are having headaches all the time...

Up to my 18th year I endured headaches, bouts of depression, feelings of not-belonging, etcetera. My uncle is a GP, and he discovered that I am highly sensitive to milk products and certain other foods. I stopped eating those, and after about two months it was as if I'd taken off sunglasses that had been causing the world to look grey and dark, and the world exploded in colour.

No more headaches. A "normal' thought pattern. Enjoyment doing things, and no more shyness. I started to talk to people - something I'd never done before in my young life.

What you eat can have a dramatic impact on your general well-being - not only physical, but most assuredly on our mental well-being as well. If an orally taken drug is able to knock you into a different mental state, it doesn't sound that strange when you begin to realize that the food we eat on a daily basis might be acting in similar ways, and might be completely WRONG for you.

Check for signs like these:
- sneezing while or within an hour of eating something
- getting extremely tired after eating something. The feeling you MUST lie down and close your eyes.
- while eating your nose starts running. You get sudden sniffles.
- after eating you become hyper-active, manic for a while. Only to succumb to dead-tiredness following that hyper active state.
- mood swings after having eaten.
- red flushed face while or after eating.
- acne, zits, sudden onset of one or more zits.
- swollen and/or agitated mouth area(s), lips, tongue, etc. while or directly after eating something

If I get cow's milk in my system, it causes a terrible migraine the next day - from early morning, lasting till around 8pm. When I eat cranberries I get aggressive and crash afterwards. When I get corn or nuts in my system, I crash. With most of these foods I will start feeling depressed quite soon after, and those moods may last for a few days.

Eat healthy, but avoid foods (including ones considered "healthy") that your body just can't or won't tolerate. For example, citrus fruits are supposed to be healthy, right? Lots of vitamine C! Well, not for me: I get any of it in my body, I crash completely afterwards. No work is possible for at least six hours. My mind gets depressed, vague, fuzzy. It affects me in so many negative ways.

Now, extrapolate this to when we eat these wrong foods EVERY DAY - it has the potential to RUIN your relationships, your enjoyment of life, work, everything. Unless you become aware of it.

Here's a simple thing to avoid: any foods you absolutely crave, LOVE eating: remove from your diet. Those tend to be the ones that you can't tolerate at all. For example, I love cheese. Adore it. Turns out my body reacts very strongly to that stuff - in a dramatic negative manner (negative feelings about myself, depression, mood swings, erratic behaviour). Same with milk products. I love cheese. Can't tolerate it at all. It's the things that seem most addictive to you that are exactly the ones that we ought to avoid. (unfortunately! :-)

And remove any heavily processed foods in your diet - most of those have additives and other junk that just about no-one can tolerate very well. This includes removing any processed sugar from your diet. My uncle discovered that no-one he tested can tolerate MSG or artificial flavouring based on glutamate. Anything with corn syrup is terrible as well.

Anyway, what you put in your mouth directly affects your general well-being. Start with that. Keep an eye out on those tell-tale signs while you are eating or after having eaten something. Avoid the foods you have cravings for. Eliminate by trial and error.

Then, when you figured out what the major culprits are, avoid those foods for at least three months, and see how you feel.

It made all the world of difference to me and the people around me. A nephew of mine couldn't handle chocolate: it would make him go ballistic, very aggressive, and he hurt someone very, very badly (almost killed someone). My uncle checked him, and he stopped eating chocolate. No more aggressiveness. A female friend of mine had a face covered in acne. Two years of medical advice, medication, specialists - nothing helped. Turned out to be highly sensitive to wheat. Stopped eating wheat products, and her face cleared up completely. Another friend experienced the same, but in her case it was pork. My brother had learning issues at school. Low grades, couldn't concentrate ("adhd"): chocolate again. He stopped, and bye bye adhd. Good grades since. No concentration issues anymore.

Of course, you might think it is too easy a solution - it is not. It will take work and dedication to remove the foods from your diet that cause headaches and other issues. A co-worker of mine has psoriasis all over his body, which impacts everything in his life. My uncle tested him, and he couldn't bring himself to change his diet: turned out the foods he liked most, ate almost daily, were the ones he was incredibly intolerant for. So he preferred to eat what he wanted, even if it meant living with the medical problem. Of course, we'll never know whether it might have solved his medical condition.

So, if all of this sounds like hogwash to you, then disregard this post. I am not a doctor (my uncle is).

But trying to find the foods you can't tolerate and avoiding them can't hurt: you'd just be eating more healthy. With a bit of luck it ought to resolve at least some of your issues, and it may help you getting you at least feel better. And find someone to talk to - no-one should be alone. Forums are a VERY poor substitute for a real person listening to you.

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-02 03:40:44 Reply

But trying to find the foods you can't tolerate and avoiding them can't hurt: you'd just be eating more healthy. With a bit of luck it ought to resolve at least some of your issues, and it may help you getting you at least feel better. And find someone to talk to - no-one should be alone. Forums are a VERY poor substitute for a real person listening to you.

I have no one to talk to. My family is finished with me. I use to have people on Discord. Until they showed their true colors as 2 face faggots. I can't sleep. I can't draw. I don't have anything else. I don't have anything else to express my thoughts.

Akuaitance
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-02 05:53:21 Reply

At 3/2/18 03:40 AM, dilandoubishop wrote:
I have no one to talk to. My family is finished with me. I use to have people on Discord. Until they showed their true colors as 2 face faggots. I can't sleep. I can't draw. I don't have anything else. I don't have anything else to express my thoughts.

Have you ever considered going to church or to a cathedral: Not to convert you or anything but most pastors/priests have studied psychology and could help you out + it's free. i know people who live a Buddha, Samurai ... type of way just becoz it makes them feel bettter by just applying its principles. Pick up the Bible and see where it goes.

Anywayz, it's hard to find people who will trully understand you or get what you are going through. All you can do is take their advice and weigh it urself. Some will work, others won't, but you gotta keep trying.

Just a thought - Try to center your life on things that you like and slowly chipping away things that you hate. It's a gradual process but it works. For example create a list or timetable of this sought

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dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-02 13:13:39 Reply

At 3/2/18 05:53 AM, Akuaitance wrote:
At 3/2/18 03:40 AM, dilandoubishop wrote:
I have no one to talk to. My family is finished with me. I use to have people on Discord. Until they showed their true colors as 2 face faggots. I can't sleep. I can't draw. I don't have anything else. I don't have anything else to express my thoughts.
Have you ever considered going to church or to a cathedral: Not to convert you or anything but most pastors/priests have studied psychology and could help you out + it's free. i know people who live a Buddha, Samurai ... type of way just becoz it makes them feel bettter by just applying its principles. Pick up the Bible and see where it goes.

Anywayz, it's hard to find people who will trully understand you or get what you are going through. All you can do is take their advice and weigh it urself. Some will work, others won't, but you gotta keep trying.

Just a thought - Try to center your life on things that you like and slowly chipping away things that you hate. It's a gradual process but it works. For example create a list or timetable of this sought

I'm not the religious type. Talking with people...I just don't...can't open up. My mind is filled with blind anger. The things I like...I feel like I don't have the energy anymore. The things I hate...I feel like...the things I hate have taken everything from me. I don't have the words to express it.

Akuaitance
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-03 05:43:47 Reply

At 3/2/18 01:13 PM, dilandoubishop wrote:
I'm not the religious type. Talking with people...I just don't...can't open up.

Ah! Should have structured it properly, what I really meant to say was that even if you may not believe in God it’s still free counselling in a way - but I get it if you don’t feel like talking.

I hope and pray things get better for you. Artwise if you ever feel the urge to take some small steps towards ur dream - PM me. Might have some tips/assignments to help you out. For now, Take it easy as best as you know how.

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-03 20:14:09 Reply

At 3/3/18 05:43 AM, Akuaitance wrote:
At 3/2/18 01:13 PM, dilandoubishop wrote:
I'm not the religious type. Talking with people...I just don't...can't open up.
Ah! Should have structured it properly, what I really meant to say was that even if you may not believe in God it’s still free counselling in a way - but I get it if you don’t feel like talking.

I hope and pray things get better for you. Artwise if you ever feel the urge to take some small steps towards ur dream - PM me. Might have some tips/assignments to help you out. For now, Take it easy as best as you know how.

I don't know man. I feel as though...life isn't worth living. Your comrades turn out to be pieces of shit. The nightmares keep coming, the thoughts keep coming unbidden. I'm almost homeless. The traumatic memories. 9 years, and I am going nowhere. I'm trying to find an alternative to suicide. But I find no answers. I am trying to pursue my dream but I am hindered badly by these thoughts. If things don't improve....I can't live like this anymore.

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-08 21:07:38 Reply

I'm trying to...find my way back into art. But I don't know how. I'm almost given hope on everything. I don't know how to recover whatever artistic ability I had. Its been more than 2 years of this depression. Maybe I should give up on everything. I don't know why I am holding back. I don't know why my nightmares keep coming back. My pedo grandfather is right in that nightmare. I want to kill him. But I can't in my dreams. My uncle kills himself in my dreams. I can't save him. But why is his eyes blink open. I can't find answers. I can't find camaraderie.

pointlessfield
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wow..... didn't expect to read any of that entering here...
i wish i could help you with your nightmares or deppression...but all i can do is give you a little tip,
try building something from your drawings. so far your drawings are realy great,you're being realy accurate on the body structures and everything IMO,but for now it seems like you're just focusing on studying. i personally belive you should build something like a comic or any type of story,and bring in some characters you can attach yourself into,or simply screw around and draw something out of raw imagination rather then a pose. im probably the last guy to ask since i don't intend on studying art so deeply,but at the end of the day not only it's supposed to be fun,but it's like a little happy corner you can share with everyone. you don't have to stick to copying what you see all the time,just break the rules and have fun with it.
other then that,as much as your drawings are great,it would be kinda nice if you drew less....uhh..naked ladies or people in general

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-09 14:05:38 Reply

At 3/8/18 09:29 PM, pointlessfield wrote: wow..... didn't expect to read any of that entering here...
i wish i could help you with your nightmares or deppression...but all i can do is give you a little tip,
try building something from your drawings. so far your drawings are realy great,you're being realy accurate on the body structures and everything IMO,but for now it seems like you're just focusing on studying. i personally belive you should build something like a comic or any type of story,and bring in some characters you can attach yourself into,or simply screw around and draw something out of raw imagination rather then a pose. im probably the last guy to ask since i don't intend on studying art so deeply,but at the end of the day not only it's supposed to be fun,but it's like a little happy corner you can share with everyone. you don't have to stick to copying what you see all the time,just break the rules and have fun with it.
other then that,as much as your drawings are great,it would be kinda nice if you drew less....uhh..naked ladies or people in general

"Happy corner to share with everyone?" ....The attempt at art has been fucking difficult and humiliating. No one, not a fucking one likes my art. Every piece was shot down and shitted on by my so called comrades. Its just worry and anxiety and...thoughts consumed with suicide and insane anger. Its no longer fun. I draw people because I am still no good at drawing people. I want to be fascinated and have fun drawing again. But I don't know. Comic or story?.....I don't know...the only story I could think of would come from life experience...how to deal with a family suicide...and the struggle for one's self with thoughts of suicide. It be a pointless, depressing and difficult work with a meaningless conclusion. I don't know...I don't know what to do...maybe a comic...

pointlessfield
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-10 12:32:26 Reply

think about it a bit more,i think you've got what it takes. heck,seeing all your drawings around so far people really love them, i don't see a reason for you to hate them so much. and rather it's a short story or a long one,don't froget to think outside the box.
moreover,i think it's best for you to try painting a bit more before judging yourself so harshly. the 2 painting drawings i've seen from you ended up quite well i have to say.

Akuaitance
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I agree with some of the stuff @pointlessfield says - it's time for you to move on the next stage. i believe you've met most of the objective from your practise of drawing figure drawings and poses and there is a limit to how far you can improve without stepping into other areas such as perspective e.t.c and thats why things might feel stagnant. (Granted the fact the only thing you could do was routuine practice as you've once mentioned, becoz of what you are going thru', but let's open up more possibilites)

Your Strengths / Accomplishments
You are pretty much good at blocking and visual measuring
You ability to capture motion and gesture is fair
Your figures are balanced.
You are also creative and able to communicate your ideas

Things to improve on
Your tone and shading in traditional is flat / blending in digital also needs work.
More smooth, confident lineworks - you've gotten weaker here

What's lacking
Diversity - your thread is focused mostly on anatomy which is cool since it's what you wanted to start with but we need to see more from now on. i've mentioned your able to visual measure a figure correctly but are you able to do the same on still objects such as cups or teapots.

Refinement (Clean up, Color) - so that we can have a good final image. Like your inktober drawings
or for example - hopefully it appears much clearer, here.
Full Image
no. 1 is the original
no. 2 - image taken to krita and cleaned up the outlines by erasing the edges.
no. 3 - went over again the outline with my pen trying to create smooth lines.

You can even add color but i only advice this for your personal concepts.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

Akuaitance
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Some tips/suggestions/ideas
- I suggest some Drawabox exercises from Lesson one basically drawing circles , ghosting lines to get more smooth on drawing freehand straight/curved lines. Also a good way to warm up before drawing.

- Also just becoz ur practising doesn't mean you can't have a portfolio of some sort.
Like i will keep saying ur art is much better than most we've seen , your are even skilled enough to help out a struggling animator outthere or even here on NG and make cool stuff.

Like - i took your recent concept you did for your friend and did a quick refinement and dude, some turn arounds of this and your are already a character designer. Infact a clean sketch whether by pencil or ink is all is needed coz the rest is upto animator.

You can even do $15-$25 commissions if you want to since you are able to capture features. keep them flat colored or cell shaded for now as you keep practising on your value and other fundamentals.

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dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-22 07:03:54 Reply

.................................................still no answers. the activities I use to enjoy....is no longer fun. Those memories came back again. I feel very depressed. I don't want to live anymore. I'm tired of the fighting.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-28 00:58:30 Reply

I remember coming here on NG to connect and make art. And find some camaraderie and like minded people. I have no reason to be here. I'm just wasting space. Wasting people's time. I don't see the point in continuing art. I gave suicide a thought, very long time in fact. I'll have to think it over and finish my affairs as fast as I can.

MarckEllo
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-28 14:27:38 Reply

Hey, great progress!

Looking back at the oldest of your posts compared to the recent ones, you've definitely improved in gesture drawing and values. Most of the anatomy is there although I notice the feet are sometimes wonky. You mentioned way back in early posts you wanted to try comics? For starters, what you're already using, the pencil and paper if I'm correct, is the absolute best! It's the easiest to make rough sketches, spot mistakes and very easy to work out the fine details from there. Be warned though, comic's a tough industry that I'm not looking forward to entering again anytime soon.

Anyway, just try out something new. I know I get bored easy just doing gestures and anatomical studies. Maybe try out a new style or subject of art like nature! Drawing animals and plants is quite fun with the pencil and paper medium. For me, getting into my current cartoon-y style was an excellent choice to avoid getting too stressed out with "photo-realism" and all that stuff. Most importantly however, take breaks! So many artists forget about this sometimes. No matter how much you love art, it can always get tiring and stressful. Just take intervals during art sessions; myself I go roughly 2 hours then take a 15 to 30 minutes break doing things completely unrelated to art like walking around, cleaning my work-space, catch up on a series, etc.

Last note as a personal opinion: the key to being satisfied with art (or anything really) is to not rely on what other people think and do something that you can simply look at by yourself and feel good. That's why you should just tackle the things that you like and not worry about quality too much. All the learning amounts to nothing if you don't actually make something that's genuinely you!

Again this is all just my opinion. I haven't been seriously doing art for too long but these mindsets helped me find satisfaction in my art - most of the times. I'll get demotivated again but I keep going. I know I'll get nothing if I stop but there's always a possibility of getting better if I do something new.

Whaddya think? Best wishes for you, fellow artist!


Marck "Marckus" Ello
~Obsessive Artist and Storytelling-maniac
Currently working on: the Visual Novel "La Forteresse de Kudourt"

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-29 02:22:56 Reply

At 3/28/18 02:27 PM, MarckEllo wrote: Hey, great progress!

Again this is all just my opinion. I haven't been seriously doing art for too long but these mindsets helped me find satisfaction in my art - most of the times. I'll get demotivated again but I keep going. I know I'll get nothing if I stop but there's always a possibility of getting better if I do something new.

Whaddya think? Best wishes for you, fellow artist!

I have too many many problems going on. The struggle with mental illness, and the lack of energy to try anything. Its incredibly difficult to try and draw anything. Traumatic memories kill any form of inspiration. Bordering on homelessness is difficult. My dreams of comic books or video game concept art....is not possible.

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-03-30 16:42:51 Reply

Drawing from reference, a Pangolin. Its some sort of endangered animal. I don't know if I'll be uploading anymore. I'll have to take a walk, and think about it. I'm considering suicide. It be nice to be able to sleep again.

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Mabelma
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-01 02:46:21 Reply

At 3/11/18 06:59 AM, Akuaitance wrote: Some tips/suggestions/ideas
- I suggest some Drawabox exercises from Lesson one basically drawing circles , ghosting lines to get more smooth on drawing freehand straight/curved lines. Also a good way to warm up before drawing.

This one hundred percent^^^ Working on your basics will strengthen your core skills and that will strengthen your whole. Go for it, you deserve it!

Best of luck with your path to become a better artist, and do keep up updated you've got potential.


Hire a professional artist today!
https://www.fiverr.com/users/mabelma
With MabsArts you can't go wrong, positivity, love and kindness is our motto.

dilandoubishop
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-07 14:22:19 Reply

I tried to do a Bob Ross painting. I'm so very tired and very depressed and very angry. I wish I could eat a bullet and be done with this shit. Be done with this life. All this shit for nothing. No gain. I tried to be around to comfort another. But I can longer keep a strong front. I dunno why. I know there is nothing on the other side. On the 22nd Sunday is my birthday.

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MarckEllo
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-07 21:58:53 Reply

Hey!

The last painting was great! The contrast on the upper half was pulled off very well I must say although the bottom part may need more rendering to get a good composition and color value. You can learn a lot from Bob Ross, in fact I've been meaning to try looking up some of his work as well.

The pangolin was also quite interesting! Quite an ambitious choice for an animal study.

Keep going. This is good progress!


Marck "Marckus" Ello
~Obsessive Artist and Storytelling-maniac
Currently working on: the Visual Novel "La Forteresse de Kudourt"

Mabelma
Mabelma
  • Member since: Feb. 8, 2009
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-09 15:32:35 Reply

At 4/7/18 02:22 PM, dilandoubishop wrote: I tried to do a Bob Ross painting. I'm so very tired and very depressed and very angry. I wish I could eat a bullet and be done with this shit. Be done with this life. All this shit for nothing. No gain. I tried to be around to comfort another. But I can longer keep a strong front. I dunno why. I know there is nothing on the other side. On the 22nd Sunday is my birthday.

I like this painting. Good job. Goodluck, and keep on painting, it helps. Thinking and writing negatively won't help you one bit, stay positive and really try, don't just say "oh yeah, I'll try" and not do anything but complain all day. Really try and find happiness, no one is gonna make you happy, only you will, so actually go out and do it.

Repeat this every time you feel a negative thought coming on:
- I relax and release
- It is easy for me to let go
- All is well and all shall be well always

Believe in the me that believes in you.
Peace, Love, and Healing.


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dilandoubishop
dilandoubishop
  • Member since: Sep. 19, 2015
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-09 18:08:06 Reply


I like this painting. Good job. Goodluck, and keep on painting, it helps. Thinking and writing negatively won't help you one bit, stay positive and really try, don't just say "oh yeah, I'll try" and not do anything but complain all day. Really try and find happiness, no one is gonna make you happy, only you will, so actually go out and do it.

Repeat this every time you feel a negative thought coming on:
- I relax and release
- It is easy for me to let go
- All is well and all shall be well always

Believe in the me that believes in you.
Peace, Love, and Healing.

........................................... The nightmares don't go away. Sometimes I can't sleep. Sometimes I am blinded by anger. Sometimes its depression. I tried to move forward with my life, but the traumatic memories keep coming back. All is not well. I tried to fight it. I failed. And things got worse. I write this stuff cuz I really don't have anything else to express myself. I have no one to talk to. No family to rely on. I think I live on borrowed time. I think my head is barely above the water.

dilandoubishop
dilandoubishop
  • Member since: Sep. 19, 2015
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Level 18
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-13 16:11:08 Reply

I'm trying to do a character token for roll20. Trying one point perspective (It is not accurate, I had to fudge somethings, its more of a tilt). Basically its a paladin with a greatsword. I'm trying to complete this before the game starts.

dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art

123mine123
123mine123
  • Member since: Mar. 7, 2011
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Response to dilandoubishop's unsatisfied art 2018-04-15 06:40:59 Reply

I'm really sorry to hear the troubles you're facing. I won't pretend to say that I know how you feel. And I know saying that everything is fine and things will be ok is much easier to say that actually believing it to come true.

But I sincerely hope that you hang in there, never lose hope and just keep on trying. Do anything you can to at least be something you can be proud of doing. And I hope someone can find and help you to deal with the things you are facing everyday. I sincerely think you have a potential to do something with your art and with a proper mindset and training, you can make it. Maybe not a professional in a big company, but at least being acknowledge that you have something that you can sell is a small step that you can achieve.

Also.. if I'm there, I just want to give you a hug.


:3