Be a Supporter!
  • Member since: Feb. 24, 2013
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Level 01
Variance 2013-02-25 17:07:39 Reply

I am a young writer and i love some good criticism and thoughts from other people. Now bear in mind this story is kinda hard to explain.

Backstory (main character)
16 year old Drake finds himself trapped on his own pain through mental distress. While he can operate normally through social occasions and basic operations, his take on his past tragedies has paralyzed him emotionally; thus he slowly dehumanizes himself. A decade after his parents divorced, Drake manages to find a like minded female friend called Diane. The joy and pleasure of her company took away his mental pain, thus he started to feel emotions and true happiness. As she shared his pain and brought warmth into his deep wound they became real close friends. (The analogy of this show is influenced by "House MD") After a year Diane left with her parents to England, thus triggering the pain back to Drake's life.


The UPMW (United Planets of Milky Way) is an organization that unites all solar systems and it's planets. Not all planets and solar systems are a member of the UPMW. So the UPMW reward planets that recruite other planets with technological advancements and assistance. Also, the planet that recruits another planet with a party gets 10% of planets profits. The Earth, considering its limited technology advancements, is not a part of the UPMW...yet.

Knuckles (character in my icon) a citizen the planet Omnious, and is in desparate condition to find a life style and a job after a temporary recovery from his inner demons(much like Drake). So he decides to help Omnious recruite a planet so it can get assistance from the UPMW. Knuckles suggests to recruite planet Earth, seeing potential in the human race. But the congress of Omnious disagrees, as the earth is to expensive to get too. Knuckles, having a stubborn trait, states that he will not recruit any planet unless its planet Earth. Recruiting planets was very risky and very unpopular, so the congress relented and accepted knuckles's proposal with a small funding in the first party to represent planet earth.

Knuckles has enough funding to go to earth and pick a 1 human. The human thats selected will receive basic powers (sort of like super sonic) and become the leader of the party. Knuckles decides to select a human at random. Surprise, surprise Drake got selected, and although he defies the offer at first, he relents and becomes the leader of the first party too represent planet earth in the UPMW.

Drake and Knuckles goes through various adventures within other planets. Drake is again happy but the past comes back to haunt his mind (somehow).

So what do you guys think? I've got all main events for this animated show in my head right now, but i just wanted to give you a brief (lol) summary. I'm open for any criticism, but please make it constructive.

Im looking for voice actors and an animator to animate this show on flash, so if you are interested just message me.

Perfect is boring

  • Member since: May. 27, 2012
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Level 11
Blank Slate
Response to Variance 2013-02-25 21:19:38 Reply

For a brief, you seem to have presented a decent amount of material to help explain what you're wanting to create.

I'd have like to have known a bit more about the basic outline of Drake and Knuckles adventures that (I presume) leads to Earth joining the UPMW after the needed allotment of time. I'd compare Knuckles' and Drake's stories (the former's needs some more info)- how similar or different are they? What qualities allow them to cooperate and what others drive them apart? How does teaming up effect them? Etc. Don't be afraid to use pain and suffering for both protagonists to help further advance the plot, for joy and happiness can as well do the same thing. Knowing how different they are can really drive the story.

I'd also create an effective and plausible history for UPMW and Ominous, so you can compare them to the needed history you're developing for Earth, to help create the needed environments for the duo's adventures. This history is going to effect how you set up the material you tell in the needed timelines. Create several different versions of the same story arc if possible, and choose the one that seems best, or parts of several arcs to create a new one if a satisfactory one fails to exist.

"I am a part of all that I have met."- Alfred, Lord Tennyson