Purpose: Supply a singular location where a writer can request a piece be reviewed. It's not enough simply posting what you've written. If you want to ensure you receive a review, this would be the place to let it be known. As we move along, and gather more critics, I'm looking to adopt a 100% review guarantee. Let's see how things go, however.

Process: To encourage cooperation and community, in order to receive a review, you have to post your request using the following format:

Provided Critique -
Piece to be Reviewed -
Objective/Focus of Review -

The first part should be a link to the most recently provided critique. Note that this must be unique for each piece you're looking to have reviewed.

The second part should be a link to the thread or news post where the story is contained. Externally hosted stories are NOT encouraged, and will be ignored if the site requires registration before being able to view the story or, if you're using a site like Helium, the piece is riddled with advertisements.

The third part should be an overview of what you're looking to get from the review. Are you insecure about any certain aspect? Is there a weakness you want focused on and solutions brainstormed? Things along these lines. To get the most out of your review, please be sure you clearly explain.

For the newbies: Not everyone is confident in their ability to critique, and so they prefer to stay out of that sector. If you're a fan of this forum, and want to know how you can contribute, here's your chance. You don't have to be a writer to critique, you just have to know how to put your critical eye to use. Sometimes having a reader's eye on a piece is more helpful than having a writer's eye on it. Anyway, if you would really like to improve your ability to critique, please go here: http://www.crayne.com/howcrit.html

At 15 hours ago, Deathcon7 wrote:

Provided Critique -
Piece to be Reviewed -
Objective/Focus of Review -

Allow me the honor of being the first to submit!

Provided Critique - None, so far. Sucks to be ignored...
Piece to be Reviewed - The Mask
Objective/Focus of Review - General improvement. It's my first attempt at horror, so I'd like to see how I did with the genre as a whole. Was it creepy/scary at all? I'd also like to know if the symbolism I used was either too obvious or too obscure.

*Note= I copy and pasted this from Word post-redesign, so it is plagued with the strange autocorrect errors that have been happening. Please try to read past them!

Hey John,

Your story is story longer than expected. I'm currently reading it but I'm only through the first couple of paragraphs (also the redesign really jacked story up I when are they gonna fix this?!?!). I've never liked horror because it's pretty much impossible to write something scary yet realistic enough that the reader becomes scared;I don't think that you have a problem there, but I doappreciate the mood that something fucking crazy is gonna happen butI think it is too blatant.I'll have a full commentary tomorrow.

At A few seconds ago, DeftAndEvil wrote: Hey John

Sorry for the typos; I typed on my phone.

At 11 hours ago, DeftAndEvil wrote: Hey John,

Thanks for helping out! The Mask is 5,000 words, so it's pretty long. The redesign errors are bad, and since The Mask is so dialogue driven, they're totally jarring. In the other posts I tried to replace all the special characters by hand, but I missed a few, sorry.

I really wanted to at least try writing horror because I've always loved Stephen King, Scott Sigler, etc. I tried to create the right atmosphere, but I guess it is easy to become blatant. I can't wait to hear the rest of your critique!

I've finished reading your story and I've posted in the thread. The story was actually pretty solid but I think that it suffers too much as a result of the horror genre. That is, it is pretty unoriginal and predictable. However, scariness aside,I think it holds up pretty well and with some light editing and revision, it will be really good and somewhat more shocking.

At 4 days ago, JohnEndel959 wrote:

At 15 hours ago, Deathcon7 wrote:

Provided Critique -
Piece to be Reviewed -
Objective/Focus of Review -

Allow me the honor of being the first to submit!

Provided Critique - None, so far. Sucks to be ignored...

Please note, by Provided Critique, I mean critique that you have provided. A link to the last review you gave someone would go in this spot. Given that this is the first time, hiccups are expected. No worries, just please keep this in mind going forward. Thanks!

Piece to be Reviewed - The Mask
Objective/Focus of Review - General improvement. It's my first attempt at horror, so I'd like to see how I did with the genre as a whole. Was it creepy/scary at all? I'd also like to know if the symbolism I used was either too obvious or too obscure.

Good job on this part. In the future, however, if you're looking to have a certain element weighed in on, just be sure to go over it at the end of the story, so as to elicit discussion and to elucidate your intention. Other than that, thanks for being the guinea pig in this.

And thanks Deft for doing this. For everyone else, please feel free to review stories that have already been reviewed. Remember, since you have to have a review to be reviewed, it'll be helping you if you have something you want reviewed.

At 2 days ago, JohnEndel959 wrote:

Thanks for helping out! The Mask is 5,000 words, so it's pretty long. The redesign errors are bad, and since The Mask is so dialogue driven, they're totally jarring. In the other posts I tried to replace all the special characters by hand, but I missed a few, sorry.

I really wanted to at least try writing horror because I've always loved Stephen King, Scott Sigler, etc. I tried to create the right atmosphere, but I guess it is easy to become blatant. I can't wait to hear the rest of your critique!

Hi John,

I left a critique on your thread. I have two more suggestions that you might find useful.

1: You might want to consider framing the story differently. Rather than an extended (and very one-sided) conversation, maybe you'd rather have Jake settle into the session with Lister and just tell a story within a story. The function of Lister in this story seems to be one of having a very educated, supposedly stable individual become destabilized. So why not make it seem a little more scholarly, which would add a certain eerie scholarlyness to it. Read the first page of "Frankenstein" for an example of this.

2: If not, I would really cut down on the dialogue since the abated nature of it really doesn't help us get to know anyone but Jake and that, in a very perfunctory way. A good rule of thumb is to remember that dialogue should only be the highlights of a conversation.

3: The story felt like an "origins" tale or a prequel more than a stand-alone. I felt unsatisfied at the end to the point that I thought there should have been more to come. This has to do with my "curse" critique on the other thread. Perhaps it wa part of Jake's plan all along to pass this curse to Lister. That's the sort of vibe I got and now I felt like I was waiting for Lister to pick a new target to give "the mask" to.

Hope this helps, and I look forward to seeing more of your writing on here.

Hey guys. I posted mine here on the writing forums but the same thing that happened to John's story happened to mine so I'm gonna post a link to it in another forum, I hope that's okay.

http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/105717/the-robin-request ing-advice

I've including all gonna relevant information in that post.
Thanks

At 1 hour ago, RedCoin wrote: Hey guys. I posted mine here on the writing forums but the same thing that happened to John's story happened to mine so I'm gonna post a link to it in another forum, I hope that's okay.

http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/105717/the-robin-request ing-advice

I've including all gonna relevant information in that post.
Thanks

Hey redcoin,

That was great. There's little I can say by way of trying to improve it. You really nail the voice of the character. The "prisoner" line at the end surprised me, and I didn't really know what to do with it, but otherwise, this was a very nice, simple story.

Perhaps it could use a tad more character arc, just a tad. The line about slamming the door due to heartbreak or anger was nice, but I thought a little vague, as if he didn't really care that he was angry. The image for this character is of a guy who watches the world from out his window. Maybe he could also be watching a neighbor he has a thing for leaving the apartment building on her way to work or something. And then his heartbreak is him finding she's got a boyfriend. I don't know, just a thought.

At 11 hours ago, EKublai wrote: Perhaps it could use a tad more character arc, just a tad. The line about slamming the door due to heartbreak or anger was nice, but I thought a little vague, as if he didn't really care that he was angry. The image for this character is of a guy who watches the world from out his window. Maybe he could also be watching a neighbor he has a thing for leaving the apartment building on her way to work or something. And then his heartbreak is him finding she's got a boyfriend. I don't know, just a thought.

Ah thankyou, that's exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for. There's some good ideas here that I can really make use of.
Thanks again.

At 20 hours ago, RedCoin wrote:

At 11 hours ago, EKublai wrote: Perhaps it could use a tad more character arc, just a tad. The line about slamming the door due to heartbreak or anger was nice, but I thought a little vague, as if he didn't really care that he was angry. The image for this character is of a guy who watches the world from out his window. Maybe he could also be watching a neighbor he has a thing for leaving the apartment building on her way to work or something. And then his heartbreak is him finding she's got a boyfriend. I don't know, just a thought.

Ah thankyou, that's exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for. There's some good ideas here that I can really make use of.
Thanks again.

Guys, let's remember to comport ourselves within this thread according to the guidelines established in the original post. If you want something reviewed, please be sure to review something first, be it requested within this thread, or a thread that piqued your interest. Thanks!

At 10 hours ago, Deathcon7 wrote:

At 20 hours ago, RedCoin wrote: Ah thankyou, that's exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for. There's some good ideas here that I can really make use of.
Thanks again.

Guys, let's remember to comport ourselves within this thread according to the guidelines established in the original post. If you want something reviewed, please be sure to review something first, be it requested within this thread, or a thread that piqued your interest. Thanks!

Hey Redcoin,

Here's your I.O.U ONE Review

At 2 days ago, EKublai wrote: Hey Redcoin,

Here's your I.O.U ONE Review

Much obliged.

Hi,

I just got threw writing my fan fic. CHAOTIC KITTEN.

Its an x-men fan fic.

Its kinda a manga comedy thing going on with morals of course. So can some of you review it and look out for it please. there will be more chapters if people like it.

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1298579

thanks.

Provided Critique -I forget. Perhaps many?
Piece to be Reviewed - Fred and Ted
Objective/Focus of Review - General improvement basically/ Now mold me, and help. I like my zombies. heheheheh

To Warror and PoptartKid

You have to review someone's story here on the Writing Forum if you want reciprocity from the Review Request thread. Considering I haven't seen any real contributions to the Forum as a whole from either of you (since I've been here), I suggest you give a good one. So, give a critique to someone's story, but type at least three decent paragraphs. Go down the WRiting Forum; there are a lot of stories waiting to be reviewed. Or you could review each other stories.

The Writing Forum isn't just a place to post stories, you have to comment on other peoples' too!

Okay, here is my script. No reviews/critiques yet. patiently waiting. It's rather short(page and a half, double spaced on Microsoft word). I am trying to get someone to notice it and make it a flash.

CPD(Chicago Police Department)

(Begin scene. Officer, overweight with a mustache and blonde hair, driving down the street in his patrol car. âEUoeCopsâEU like TV show is recording him and displays âEUoeSgt. PulaskiâEU)

Sgt Pulaski: Yeah, you know, uh..they say uh..the streets of Chicago here are tough. ItâEUTMs true, you know, I see stuff all the time you wouldnâEUTMt believe. People killinâEUTM people..uhâEU¦robbinâEUTM banks..uh..walkinâEUTM âEU~round with their pants sagging down their asses. Terrible stuff, I tell yaâEUTM. Now, most of what we cops here do is pretty routine, you know. ItâEUTMs not all murderers and drug dealers. Sometimes we get prostitutes or the occasional guy masturbating in public. Uh..you know, the normal stuff.(Looks forward and gets serious) Looks like we got ourselves a drunk driver(Turns siren on. Cut to scene of him talking to man outside his car window).

Sgt Pulaski: How are you doing today? See you were..uh..swervinâEUTM a bit there. License and registration please.

Man(wearing flannel shirt): Yes *hic* officer. Hold my beer please(hand Pulaski beer as he looks on suspiciously and wiggles mustache). HereâEU¦here you go. HeyâEU¦werenâEUTMt you in the Village People?

Sgt Pulaski:(looking at papers, ignoring that question) Okay, hold up. (goes away for a second. Inaudible background noises of Pulaski talking) Okay, so you know why I pulled you over, right?

Man: IâEUTMve been drinking.

Pulaski: Yes, thatâEUTMs it.

Man: Where did you put my beer?

Pulaski: DonâEUTMt worry about that. How much have you had to drink tonight?

Man:(looks at feet) Let me seeâEU¦.

Pulaski: What are you looking at?

Man: IâEUTMm counting the beer cans. (Pointing at ground) 9 beers!(Smiles looking accomplished).

Pulaski: Okay, step out please. Gonna give you a breathalyzer.

Man: Why, you donâEUTMt believe me? I swear IâEUTMm drunk, officer. I wouldnâEUTMt lie to you like that.

Pulaski: Step out of the car.

Man: (Steps out of the car, staggering) YouâEUTMre not going to check the trunk, are you?

Pulaski: (Looking suspiciously, walks towards drivers seat door and pops trunk, then walks to look in it) LetâEUTMs see here..

Man:(Looking scared, runs off) Oh noâEU¦I thought you wouldnâEUTMt check!

Pulaski: Damn it! How do drunk people run so damned perfectly all the time!(runs after him for a few seconds. Pan in on him running, panting) Stop..*caugh*âEU¦running..youâEUTMre only going to *wheeze*go to jail tired(Pulaski clutches heart and wobbles while he runs).

Man: AhhhâEU¦(trips and falls. Pulaski tackles him while trying to catch his breath)

(scene back at car. Man is in handcuffs)

Pulaski: Okay, why did you run? All you had back there was a Justin Bieber CD.

Man: I was just so ashamed..

Pulaski: And you were speeding and swerving! ThatâEUTMs a lot of time in jail. Would have just been a ticket and a night in the slammer, but you had to add resisting arrest to that.

Man: I wasnâEUTMt resisting a rest! I wanted to stop running and rest, I swear. I didnâEUTMt know that was a crime. Thought..thought this was a free country!

Pulaski: Yeah, I get it.

Man: Wait, I can explain everything. See, what happened was I was trying to pick up my heroin needle from the floor when this prostitute I was going to pay tonight called. Long story short *hic* the gun I have in there shot off and scared me and I started swerving. I swear! It was an accident!

Pulaski: Get in the car..

(Back in PulaskiâEUTMs car, âEUoeCopsâEU like scene again)

Sgt Pulaski: Yeah, itâEUTMs hard out there. ItâEUTMs harder when youâEUTMre stupid and all.

Man: (in background, barely audible) ItâEUTMs harder when youâEUTMre a fat cop

Pulaski: Just another day in Chicago.

(End scene with âEUoeChicagoâEU written in âEUoeCopsâEU theme)

At 13 hours ago, vannila-guerilla wrote: Okay, here is my script. No reviews/critiques yet. patiently waiting. It's rather short(page and a half, double spaced on Microsoft word). I am trying to get someone to notice it and make it a flash.

CPD(Chicago Police Department)

(Begin scene. Officer, overweight with a mustache and blonde hair, driving down the street in his patrol car. âEUoeCopsâEU like TV show is recording him and displays âEUoeSgt. PulaskiâEU)

Sgt Pulaski: Yeah, you know, uh..they say uh..the streets of Chicago here are tough. ItâEUTMs true, you know, I see stuff all the time you wouldnâEUTMt believe. People killinâEUTM people..uhâEU¦robbinâEUTM banks..uh..walkinâEUTM âEU~round with their pants sagging down their asses. Terrible stuff, I tell yaâEUTM. Now, most of what we cops here do is pretty routine, you know. ItâEUTMs not all murderers and drug dealers. Sometimes we get prostitutes or the occasional guy masturbating in public. Uh..you know, the normal stuff.(Looks forward and gets serious) Looks like we got ourselves a drunk driver(Turns siren on. Cut to scene of him talking to man outside his car window).

Sgt Pulaski: How are you doing today? See you were..uh..swervinâEUTM a bit there. License and registration please.

Man(wearing flannel shirt): Yes *hic* officer. Hold my beer please(hand Pulaski beer as he looks on suspiciously and wiggles mustache). HereâEU¦here you go. HeyâEU¦werenâEUTMt you in the Village People?

Sgt Pulaski:(looking at papers, ignoring that question) Okay, hold up. (goes away for a second. Inaudible background noises of Pulaski talking) Okay, so you know why I pulled you over, right?

Man: IâEUTMve been drinking.

I'd critique this, but there's too many "âEUoe" things in it. Seriously.... fix your keyboard or switch you're language. If I wanted to critique this I'd have to go through every one to find out what "âEUoe" means. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a symbol. This one: ' , but I'm not sure. Please fix it so someone can critique, what I'm sure is an amazing script.

At 7 hours ago, Reliable wrote:
I'd critique this, but there's too many "Ãf¢EUoe" things in it. Seriously.... fix your keyboard or switch you're language. If I wanted to critique this I'd have to go through every one to find out what "Ãf¢EUoe" means. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a symbol. This one: ' , but I'm not sure. Please fix it so someone can critique, what I'm sure is an amazing script.

That was a glitch. I have my keyboard set to American English. Everytime you see that it's supposed to have an apostrophe.

At 5 hours ago, vannila-guerilla wrote:

That was a glitch. I have my keyboard set to American English. Everytime you see that it's supposed to have an apostrophe.

There is a problem with symbols (such as apostrophes, dashes, and semicolons too, I think) being copied from a word processor into the NG BBS. It's normal and hopefully it will be fixed soon.

Anyway, if you want a critique, please provide a critique to warror or PoptartKid, and hope for reciprocity (or send them a friendly pm). Also, it would be helpful if you commented directly in their story and then commented in this thread that you have commented in their thread; that way, both threads get more notice.

Also, to avoid any unnecessary boggling down, please post a link to your story (don't post the whole thing here!) please post it in a link that leads to the story (preferably on NG). Make sure that you use the "Link" button near the comment box.

Also also, since I don't want newcomers to get the idea that NG Writing Forum will give new faces attention willy-nilly without anything in return, I won't read people's pieces if they don't read others'. If I see someone has given time and effort to the forum, I will definitely post in your future threads.

WRITING FORUM FTW YO!

wow over 60 views for "chaotic kitten" thanks guys. But theres no replys, tell me what ya think i hope the number grows over the weekend. if it reaches 100 i might add chapter two.

yes i have more chaos and chapters. even some side stores where they go to a old folks home.

CHAOTIC KITTEN CAPTER#2!!!

"I'M SMART TOO!!!"

Well I just got finish with the second installment. Just yesterday up until this morning 5:30 or so to be exact copying the notes from my note book to my word pad, then.... (pant) copy and pasting the whole thing just a moment ago.

Give it a review! Read to your heart content! ....Please?

Thank you guys!!!

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1300704

Seems we've had a bit of trouble starting this out, but I think this could be a great organizational tool. That being said, please see below for an exact example of how requests should be formatted.

---------------------------------
Provided Critique - http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1303237 | http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1303216
Piece to be Reviewed - http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1174157 (lastest post)
Objective/Focus of Review - It's a poem I wrote that's supposed to be reflective. To be reviewed is my use of meter, rhyme scheme, and clarity.
---------------------------------

See, in the above, I provided a link to the most recently provided critique(s). While only one (1) is necessary, in the hopes to incentivize a review, I've linked to two (2) reviews I've previously provided. If you look in the thread, I've also actively conversed with the author to clarify or expound on my review. This is the type of activity that should be encouraged, and I beg anyone who sees this, please keep a look out for that user's posts. Let's all please reward cooperation with attentiveness and appreciation.

I've also linked to the piece I wish to have reviewed, and specified its location within the thread. There used to be a way to directly link to a post, but I'll be damned if I recall how to do it, or if it still exists within the new system.

Last, I specified exactly what I'm looking for in a review. Please use this as a guideline upon which you frame your critique. If you find something else to critique, please be sure to include it, but if an author is requesting a review of a certain aspect, chances are that's what they would want to work on for the moment. Going beyond that guideline is definitely appreciated, but by no means required. Just remember, no matter what, be constructive, be explicit, and be encouraging. This is a community. There's no need to be combative or condescending.

Thanks! And may the odds be ever in your favor.

well im sorry for flooding the writers lounge, this request thread is hard to find sometimes.... you most likey seen my third istallment by now but heres a link if you havent.

i really dont want to be known as some "pusher" or spammer...so i'll only come around once a week or so...

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1304836

This seems like an interesting thread. Alright I'll take a whack at it. I believe I should try to be a part of the Writing forum now. However I suggest you switch Provided Critique and Piece to be Reviewed. It would make more sense that way. Name you're writing source before the critique.

Piece to be Reviewed: The Interviewer

Provided Critique: I as well as my colleagues on this writing project have had our works shared on the front page and in news posts with Tom. We have our fans, but criticisms come to who we have selected in the past to be interviewed. At times we have been told that our decision of what to cover and what not to cover has been brought into account as well. Overall though no real complaints on grammar or consistency.

Objective/Focus of Review: I would like a full on critique. From a journalistic stand-point, from a reader's stand-point, as well as an overall appeal to said journalistic writings. I don't ask that they all be read, because even that would take far too long, besides I'm mainly throwing my own works out there for critique, there's no point in throwing somebody else in the fire if they didn't want to play with it in the first place. So if the following four pieces could have a look taken at them I would be most appreciative.

- Interview with AlmightyHans
- Interview with the Audio Portal: Defining Music
- Interview with The Graffiti Crew
- Interview with Sexual-Lobster
- Interview with CirrusEpix

Again I am very grateful to hear feedback and constructive criticism from the different writers here in the writing forum and I hope to one day have some creative pieces here for your reading pleasure soon.

- TGO
- Dohn Joe

My apologies for not reading the entire thread. I got a little eager. I will be more than happy to review someone's work soon. I'm kind of on break with The Interviewer and need to focus on reviews anyways. When I get the chance to do some reading I will.

At 5/30/12 12:44 AM, The-Great-One wrote: My apologies for not reading the entire thread. I got a little eager. I will be more than happy to review someone's work soon. I'm kind of on break with The Interviewer and need to focus on reviews anyways. When I get the chance to do some reading I will.

Not really sure what to tell you. I like The Interviewer. Ultimately, as I'm sure you're aware, these things are like popularity contests. The most known a person is, the more interest you'll generate. Also, the more users have access to the process, the more attention you'll get for it. Meaning, maybe giving users the opportunity to submit questions? Maybe doing video interviews as well?

That's all that I can really say. As far as style, maybe get a bit more incisive, a bit more edgy? Form an agenda and go from there? Again, sorry, I'm not really sure what else to say. I, personally, don't have any qualms with what you're currently doing.

There's a lot of work being submitted at the moment. Noticing a slight resurgence. Let's put this thread to better use, people. If you really want to get attention for your work, start by giving it.

My fingers smell like spaghetti.

Alright, lemme give this a whirl.

Provided critique: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1312073 (My critique here is a little short, but it's my most recent one.)
Piece to be Reviewed: The Sinews of War
Object of Reviews: This was a sample I submitted when the Black Library Publishing company was having open submissions for short story ideas. The word limit was 1,000 so this chunk is rather short. Basically I want to know if my action scenes are actually interesting to read, or if I need to work on them. This is a Warhammer story, so I apologize if some of the terminology is unfamiliar. I can explain any terms you'd like.

Short summary: This story centers around a squadron of fighter pilots who are tasked with interdicting Imperial supply lines to the Cadian Gate. This short bit is a battle between an Imperial convoy and the Chaos raider fleet. I wanted the story as a whole to have a sort of "Battle of the Atlantic" feel to it, where the Chaos fleet is similar to the U-boats of WW2, constantly being harassed by escorts as they search for prey.

Thanks in advance to anyone who reviews this!