End of Another Weekend

This weekend flew by like the bird in the sky!
Now I'll go back to school and sit down and stay cool.
Infront of my comp with no availible memory.
I memorized so much anime I almost don't remember me.

Time goes so slow, with a big lack of RAM!
If I don't post this post, all humanity is damned.
Travelling in Cyberspace through the internet land.
Downloading Manga on demand.

Dying Sigh

I have not much to say,
On this bright and sunny day,
The ice melts below my feat,
As I walk past the street,

Pavement greylike glass,
I fall and break in half,
Back broken dying laugh,
As I fall down on snowcovered grass . . .

Faded

A tear blew down her face,
As she faced the faded place,
She had lived in her lifetime,
She had died in bright sunshine,

She had waded in the water,
She had swum across the lake,
She had lost her son and daughter,
She had made a fatal mistake,

She had lost herself in boredom,
Trying to find a hidden key,
To open the doors to sodom,
And drown all missery,

She had taken all forgetten,
She had gotten what she took,
She had gazed upon the riverside,
She sat down and read the book.

Cycle of Life

I sit at night,
And write and write,
And then I look up,
And it's broad daylight,

I trudge to school,
Like an insolent fool,
And fall asleep,
In a puddle of drool,

I dream about,
Fields in gray,
A big machine gun,
It's MayDay,

I wake up with class,
In the middle of class,
With a triumphant scream,
That could break tables in half,

All eyes on me,
Me is all they see,
A significant defeat,
To my self esteem,

Then I go home,
And write about my day,
And morning arrives,
To my dismay . . .

Word

He said!
Agreed
Seconded

Quoted
Copied
Taken

Unspoken
Unsaid
Forgotten

He said!
Forgotten
Unsaid

Unspoken
Taken
Copied

Quoted
Seconded
Agreed . . .

Wonder

A bag of wonder
Without a role
No way to open
Opening or hole

A bag of wonder
Stuffed with though
Tied wildly down
Despair tought.

A bag of wonder
Long and wide
With hope and rebellion
Inside.

Winter 2007

The winter
Has come
But where
Is the snow?

Where is the
Row of cars
That the tow trucks
Tow?

Where is the
Bigger picture
Where is the
Bigger coat

Of chalky
White consistence
That the world
Used to quote.

Vermin

The vessel crawls
Through the hall
Onto the chair
Into her shawl

Don't start a riot
Don't start a brawl
Don't you panic
Don't you fall

The vessel runs
Scared away
Into the night
And through the day

It's learned it's lesson
And will now stay
In the forest
Where it belongs

Voyage

I sit here under plain sky
Watch gray trains roll by
I see the buildings sleeping
By the railroads side

The concrete is uneven
Small chaps of grimworn stone
A platform steadily steeping
To meterlong lines of whitebone

Fellow passengers sleeping
All in wholesome tone
As the train keeps leaping
Through green fields overgrown

The city rides far away
But the gray lights remains
Through the night we sway
By flickering freighttrain frames.

Vivid

A poem for all
For winter and fall
Summer and spring
There be no such thing

Nor poem nor song
Twould be much too long
So here eight lines brought
Imagine in thought.

Vacation

Eyes closed
Skin roasting
Sun burning
Chest heaving
Sweat oozing
Grass tickling
Clouds drifting
Wind still
Water clear
Summer!
Is here.

Unreal

Say can you see?
The roads to misery
The paths on which we flee
Escape from dark alleys.

There is no end
No end to humanity.
May we not dream?
May we not pretend?

Empathy awaiting,
Waiting for the end.

Verbly

Here I sit
Thoughts I spit
Loaded with tension
With humor and wit

It's just a bit
Odd and ironic
A mash of societies
Quite lies mixed with tonic

Makes you sick
Makes you vomit
The sounds play symphonic
Around town it's all chronic

Is there a problem here?
No fear - I'm on it!
Don't run away
Just take aim and fly off the runway

Downtown, at sundown.
Until your skin is tanned golden brown.
I'll see you, around . . .

I sit on my throne with my suburban bowl of burbon
Clad in my verbal crown. You heard them.
Get down.

Unheard

Dogs bark
Cows moo
The deaf -
Sing in silent tunes

Unquestion

I have one question
Actualy I have two
No matters matter
I hope I'll get them answered soon . . .

Trademark

Hard
As Stone
Bold
As Bone

Untrue
As Fable
I Claim
My Lable

Truly

A window of glass
Can shatter and mass
Destruction partain
If the window is

Broken inframe by
A mad science guy
In a plutonium lab
World fly and fry!

Tiny

This is
Not a true
Haiku.

To Ashes

Saddle your saddle
And keep hoddling on
I fumbled with my mumbling
But your will was strong

You said "stop your fumbling"
And let us get along!
So I then agreed
And now all war is gone.

Thirteen

13 . . .

An unlucky number
For an unlucky me
On this unlucky day
I went away to Germany

My flight crashed in the ocean
The boat was blown apart
I can say I've had a great day
Right from the very start

I fell out of bed this morning
I couldn't decide what to wear
I accidentally placed superglue
On the comb that combed my hair

When I went to the airport
I wasn't very prepared
And even more trouble started
When we finally were in the air

Now I'm swimming here in the ocean
Crying out my lungs in despair
Dark clouds are closing in
And the sight isn't fairly clear

So I say, "when will I wake up?"
"Wake up from this nightmare?"
Only three hours left
Until date fourteen will appear

... I can't wait !

End of Another Weekend

This weekend flew by like the bird in the sky!

"The sky" and "The bird" are both ambiguous phrases and because of this they lack strength because of it. I would suggest that you try to be slightly more specific or else the poems meaning will be lost.

Now I'll go back to school and sit down and stay cool.

This line is just... mundane and cliche.

Infront of my comp with no availible memory.

"comp" is not a word. This is not a text message so use complete words.

I memorized so much anime I almost don't remember me.

Awkward wording.

Time goes so slow, with a big lack of RAM!

Again you use a non-word: "RAM." Also do you realize what bold letters do to a poem?
When bold letters are used in poetry they generally signify intense feeling or a place of emphasis.

If I don't post this post, all humanity is damned.
Travelling in Cyberspace through the internet land.
Downloading Manga on demand.

I lost interest in this poem.

Dying Sigh

I have not much to say,

Awkward grammar. This seriously subtracts from any meaning.

On this bright and sunny day,
The ice melts below my feat,
As I walk past the street,

Ok, better.

Pavement greylike glass,

This feels like some words are missing.

I fall and break in half,
Back broken dying laugh,

Again either something is missing or your grammar is just off. AWKWARD.

As I fall down on snowcovered grass . . .

Now if you are going to use a rhyme scheme you have to stick to it. You switched over between stanzas and the rhymes are weak in the second stanza. This seriously subtracts from the poem.

Faded

This is a pretty good poem. The rhythm was very good. The rhyme scheme was not weak (nor was it too strong). The word choice seemed good and the meaning was good as well. Nice job.

Cycle of Life

This poem felt rushed and at times the rhymes felt very weak (plus at times you don't even go by the scheme).
Parts of this poem are mildly cliche too:

I sit at night,
And write and write,

And fall asleep,
In a puddle of drool,

A significant defeat,
To my self esteem,

AND the wording to these lines is awkward:

I wake up with class,
In the middle of class,

Word

This is neat but I don't quiet get what you are trying to say here.

Wonder

A bag of wonder
Without a role

"Role" what does this do for the poem?

No way to open
Opening or hole

The line transition between "no way to open" and "opening or hole" is non-existent. I know what you meant, but still.

A bag of wonder
Stuffed with though

"Though" -- why that word? That seems off. Did you mean "thought?"

Tied wildly down
Despair tought.

A bag of wonder
Long and wide
With hope and rebellion
Inside.

This is all I could think of at this time.

Winter 2007

All you did was hit the enter key at times to make it look like a poem.

I will do more later. You simply posted way too many for anyone to have a chance at reading them all. Learn to post with moderation.

The quality of your poems are inconsistant as TrevorW has noted. Work on procuring a definite style and the quality of your poetry will improve.

At 2/7/10 02:57 PM, Dubbi wrote: The quality of your poems are inconsistant as TrevorW has noted. Work on procuring a definite style and the quality of your poetry will improve.

Good way to put it. You need to work on a style my friend, or at least work on your understanding of the mechanics of poetry.

The Word

Word

Sunflower Haiku

My sunflower shines
In the suns golden shadow
Caressing the sky

Bit

If there is hope
Then there is lies
A newborn lives
When oldborn dies

If there is life
Then there is hope
We live for hope
We hope we know

Know that life
Is worth to cope
The worth of strife
It ends when poked

When fun and games
The others claim
Our sacrifice
Is never sane

Mate seriously stop posting poems. You have 2 solid pages and there is no way for us to keep up. Go review someone else's work for a while. Plus it seems like you post EVERYTHING that you write...not everything on here is good so I assume not everything you write is good; so pick out the BEST and post THOSE here.

At 2/7/10 03:10 PM, TrevorW wrote: Mate seriously stop posting poems. You have 2 solid pages and there is no way for us to keep up. Go review someone else's work for a while. Plus it seems like you post EVERYTHING that you write...not everything on here is good so I assume not everything you write is good; so pick out the BEST and post THOSE here.

Yeah, it's a lot of material, but far from everything. I have about two thousand stashed away, so it'll probably take a few years to post them all at a decent pace if I chose to. ;)

At 2/7/10 02:44 PM, TrevorW wrote: "The sky" and "The bird" are both ambiguous phrases and because of this they lack strength because of it. I would suggest that you try to be slightly more specific or else the poems meaning will be lost.

Personally I like poems that can be interpreted in many ways, it leaves room for imagination, everyone who reads it will see things differently. The majority of poems I've written aren't very specific so I hope that's just a matter of opinion and not a common flaw.

Comp note / Again you use a non-word: "RAM." Also do you realize what bold letters do to a poem?
When bold letters are used in poetry they generally signify intense feeling or a place of emphasis.

I use abbreviations when writing regularly, so why not in poems? What about the common loss of grammatical laws in poetical context? As for RAM, I suppose you mean capitalized? I don't think I made it bold too. It's an abbreviation and generally those are written with capitals, but if it is interpreted as a word then I agree it could give a faulty sense of emotion. Would be hard placing in Random Access Memory in a poem with short lines, and it would probably be harder to understand too. :)

This is neat but I don't quiet get what you are trying to say here.

The one word poem? I don't know, it's more of a concept than a story.
Doesn't have much meaning in itself.

"Though" -- why that word? That seems off. Did you mean "thought?"

Yeah, sorry, typo.

I will do more later. You simply posted way too many for anyone to have a chance at reading them all. Learn to post with moderation.

Thanks for the feedback! Always good hearing other peoples views, though I don't always have the same. ;) Will have to restrain myself with the postation for a while then.

At 2/7/10 03:01 PM, TrevorW wrote:

At 2/7/10 02:57 PM, Dubbi wrote: The quality of your poems are inconsistant as TrevorW has noted. Work on procuring a definite style and the quality of your poetry will improve.

Right, the quality varies a bit, a bunch of them are pretty rushed so I should probably spend some time perfecting those too. As for style I like experimenting with the structure, probably won't stick to a defined one, but thanks for the tip.

or at least work on your understanding of the mechanics of poetry.

Plan on taking a university course on that after summer, maybe I'll learn something useful. :)

At 2/7/10 03:32 PM, Cyberdevil wrote:

At 2/7/10 02:44 PM, TrevorW wrote: "The sky" and "The bird" are both ambiguous phrases and because of this they lack strength because of it. I would suggest that you try to be slightly more specific or else the poems meaning will be lost.

Personally I like poems that can be interpreted in many ways, it leaves room for imagination, everyone who reads it will see things differently. The majority of poems I've written aren't very specific so I hope that's just a matter of opinion and not a common flaw.

And rightly so. However in this single instance it just seems like a hole in the imagery -- a flaw. Really you just need to change one of the "the's" to something more specific. I would suggest "the bird" or perhaps you could slightly rework the line.

At 2/7/10 03:43 PM, TrevorW wrote: And rightly so. However in this single instance it just seems like a hole in the imagery -- a flaw. Really you just need to change one of the "the's" to something more specific. I would suggest "the bird" or perhaps you could slightly rework the line.

"A bird" maybe? More general? I'm relating the flight of the bird to the speed of the weekend passing by, the bird is not anything specific. When we see a bird pass by, it happens quickly, swoosh, the bird is gone. Same thing with the weekend. I added sky at the end of the phrase to create a rhyme within that single line, "the sky" isn't really needed, but if I had said "The weekend flew by like the bird" instead, it somehow sounds ... dull. The sky adds space to that phrase. Don't you think? Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting what you're saying I should change. :/

Texas

Barren landscapes
Empty and dry
Flatlined and dyed
In orangewhite rhy

A lone cayote
On a lonesome old road
With worn out edges
Lines with lost glow

By the roadside
A faded sign
Welcome to the state
Of sunshine.

Sould

The devil once asked me
"Would you like to sell yer soul?"
So I sold my soul
Now there's a hollow hole

And I wonder with what should I fill it?
To finaly take back control?
Since my soul was sold
I've been feeling tenfold

Lighter.