You still haven't fixed my life, I want a refund.

At 11/12/09 03:17 AM, SadisticMonkey wrote: What happened to your how to student blog ie. no updates for the whole year ?

Personal circumstances changed and I just didn't have the time to keep updating it. I might be able to start again some time in Jan 2010 though.

At 11/12/09 03:35 AM, Gagsy wrote: You still haven't fixed my life, I want a refund.

NO REFUNDS

Also, secretly this topic is just where I tell you HOW to fix your life, you still have to go out there and do it. Fixing your problems is a process, not a quick change sort of thing.

At 11/12/09 04:33 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: What are the best treatments for a jammed finger?

Ice and rest. Assuming you didn't fracture it, just take it easy on that finger and slowly try to regain the proper range of motion.

Aside from that, there's really no magic fix for joint injuries.

It burns when pee.

At 11/12/09 09:44 AM, Prinzy2 wrote: It burns when pee.

It burns when pee what?

i don't want to have sex with my girlfriend quite as often as she wants to have sex with me

I probably see her too often too

tactful way to deal with this plz

At 11/12/09 10:39 AM, JesusBukkake wrote: i don't want to have sex with my girlfriend quite as often as she wants to have sex with me

I probably see her too often too

tactful way to deal with this plz

Take up a hobby which requires you to go somewhere to do it. Example: Any sport that requires a special court to play, or involves equipment that's too expensive for players to own individually. Bowling or climbing would both work.

Basically, create obligations for yourself.

At 11/12/09 12:27 PM, TheAdd wrote: Elfer,
I chamoned my way into the kitchen, and moonwalked my way out - Now i can only think about Hitler.
What do i do?

Instead of trying to block your thoughts, try to just redirect them somewhere else. Like if you're in a restaurant, go from say, "murdering the jews" to "ordering some juice". This should eventually drive it from your head altogether.

At 11/15/09 06:58 AM, shackles1 wrote: Is the plural of a computer mouse device "mice" or "mouses"?

Good question. I wondered the same thing one day so I checked wiki and it says the proper term would be "mouse devices".

No one likes to use me.

What does Firefox have over me? A bunch of useless addons that only slow down the browser? What do people even use them for besides porn?

I can't concentrate long enough to do my homework. And writing assignments are especially hard for me.

Help?

At 11/15/09 05:47 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

Is it possible to like, order an outdoor drinking fountain that dispenses, you know like cordial and vodka?

You could do this with any standard drinking fountain, really. The bigger issue would be maintaining a refrigerated, pressurized container of cordial/vodka, and keeping the whole thing clean and sanitary. Spraying on a teflon coating might help with the fountain itself, but I'd be more concerned about the plumbing.

If this were my own project, I'd be more inclined to build one myself based on a gas-tap keg system. Make sure you use pressure-relief valves on the tap and regulator, since vodka is substantially more volatile than beer, and you don't want a keg bursting anywhere near anything.

At 11/15/09 06:58 AM, shackles1 wrote: Is the plural of a computer mouse device "mice" or "mouses"?

Good question. As the next guy says, the technically correct term is "mouse devices." The word people use in real life is "mice."

At 11/15/09 11:21 AM, GoogleChrome wrote: No one likes to use me.

What does Firefox have over me? A bunch of useless addons that only slow down the browser? What do people even use them for besides porn?

People use Firefox because it came first by a long shot, is substantially better than IE, and not substantially worse then Chrome. To get people to switch now would be a significant effort, and they won't do it unless it's really worth it for them.

At 11/15/09 11:47 AM, WingCommand wrote: I can't concentrate long enough to do my homework. And writing assignments are especially hard for me.

Help?

Make the first step of any assignment to read through it, and figure out all of the different things that you need to do to finish it.

If you can break the work into twenty-minute blocks instead of a two hour clump, it'll be much easier to get started on things.

Also, try to find a good "work ritual" that will put your brain into a different mode. This will make it easier to ignore distraction. For example, when you need to work, clear a certain space on your desk, switch on a lamp and get a glass of ice water, then plow through as much work as you can in a set amount of time.

i have my exams (IGCSE) coming up soon and its really stressful, on top of that i have to be Mr.Perfect if i want to be able to do anything because my mother has Emphysema and its severe, so if i go out with my friends i mightcatch a cold and she will get it then she will die, and she is having a major operation soon so she only has a 50-50 chance of surviving that but she is having it after christmas, the whole thing is killing me slowly D:

At 11/16/09 09:54 AM, OMGhaxedlol wrote: i have my exams (IGCSE) coming up soon and its really stressful,

I wouldn't sweat the IGCSE that much. You've built them up as a huge hurdle in your mind simply because they're important, not because they're difficult. You should of course take them seriously, but if you go in prepared you should have confidence in your ability to do well on them.

on top of that i have to be Mr.Perfect if i want to be able to do anything because my mother has Emphysema and its severe, so if i go out with my friends i mightcatch a cold and she will get it then she will die,

Eventually you will move out and this won't be an issue. It sucks for now, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

and she is having a major operation soon so she only has a 50-50 chance of surviving that but she is having it after christmas, the whole thing is killing me slowly D:

If those are the odds, then bury any hatchets you may have with your mother over the next couple of months, and enjoy the holidays together. Try to make peace with the idea before the operation. I know these things are stressful, there was a lot of testing and potential of my own mother being diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Losing a family member earlier than you expect is tragic, but there's many, many people out there who have gone through the same thing and still managed to live their lives.

The best advice that I can give you here is that you should remember that these things are out of your control, and worry about them isn't going to help the outcome. And no matter how bad the outcome is, the world still isn't going to end.

Elfer, I have, like, a great vocabulary, and, like, stuff, but I can't stop talking like a typical teenage girl. I mean, like, I know big words like, you know, big! Like multi-syllable. See, I know multi-syllabic words. And I have this unmotivated problem. Nothing is,like, exciting anymore. I like to draw, and I love when I, like, finish a new picture, but everything else is, like, whatever.

At 11/17/09 12:14 AM, Ioe wrote: Elfer, I have, like, a great vocabulary, and, like, stuff, but I can't stop talking like a typical teenage girl. I mean, like, I know big words like, you know, big! Like multi-syllable. See, I know multi-syllabic words.

Then friggin' use the different words you know. If you want to write stuff pretty good, one method is to avoid using the same word in two consecutive sentences.

And I have this unmotivated problem. Nothing is,like, exciting anymore. I like to draw, and I love when I, like, finish a new picture, but everything else is, like, whatever.

So what you're saying is, you're only motivated to do stuff that you actually like doing? Sounds like real life to me. Some things you do because you like to do them, others you just do because you gotta.

At 11/17/09 08:31 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

Why does my pet dog look like the actor John Goodman?

It's either a hilarious coincidence or a horrifying anecdote from the life of actor John Goodman.

Dear Sant... I mean Elfer

why did you in your previous thread(get better grades, do less work) use word shit like 20 times in 1 sentence.
And why did you lied that you will do les work for better grades...

Pete AKA XPWN

How do I care about anything.

Dear Elfer,

Is Mountain Dew delicious?

At 11/20/09 11:06 AM, XPWN wrote: Dear Sant... I mean Elfer

why did you in your previous thread(get better grades, do less work) use word shit like 20 times in 1 sentence.

Probability distributions. As of this writing, I have well over 13,000 posts, which means that sooner or later, I'm going to say "shit" a whole bunch of times in one sentence.

Since the posts I made in that topic were really long, it's not unusual for it to have ended up there.

And why did you lied that you will do les work for better grades...

I didn't, it's true. The entire idea is increasing efficiency to give a higher grade:work ratio. If you're an idiot and don't change any of your habits, of course it's not going to work.

At 11/20/09 11:23 AM, JackPhantasm wrote: How do I care about anything.

It just sort of happens. Relax and be more open to doing stupid things.

At 11/20/09 12:09 PM, Farafor wrote: Dear Elfer,

Is Mountain Dew delicious?

Nah.

At 11/20/09 02:08 PM, Elfer wrote:

At 11/20/09 11:06 AM, XPWN wrote: Dear Sant... I mean Elfer

why did you in your previous thread(get better grades, do less work) use word shit like 20 times in 1 sentence.

Probability distributions. As of this writing, I have well over 13,000 posts, which means that sooner or later, I'm going to say "shit" a whole bunch of times in one sentence.

Since the posts I made in that topic were really long, it's not unusual for it to have ended up there.

And why did you lied that you will do les work for better grades...

I didn't, it's true. The entire idea is increasing efficiency to give a higher grade:work ratio. If you're an idiot and don't change any of your habits, of course it's not going to work.

well, no you do not do less, you do more beacaus this PDA takes more time
the name should have been called do the same work, get better grades, cuz you learn the same amount but more effective:-/

At 11/20/09 02:34 PM, XPWN wrote: well, no you do not do less, you do more beacaus this PDA takes more time

It takes barely any time at all. The point is to make an organizational system that's low-maintenance and intuitive enough that it really does save time instead of just taking more of it.

the name should have been called do the same work, get better grades, cuz you learn the same amount but more effective:-/

If it's possible to do that, then you can get a margin on either side. You can do the same work and get better grades, or do less work and get the same grades, or do less work and get better grades, it's just not going to be the same margin everywhere.

could you then explain me, for example, what is the magical way to learn faster, like speed learning or whatever you thought out

Hey Elfer

I'm a first year engineering student who uses a similar organizational system to you to keep track of my assignments and homework that needs to be done.

I'm doing well in all my courses save for Calculus I, which I understand well in tutorial then hitch it out the rear door during exams, what do you recommend?

At 11/20/09 02:46 PM, XPWN wrote: could you then explain me, for example, what is the magical way to learn faster, like speed learning or whatever you thought out

There's no magic way to do it. I explain very clearly in the topic and the blog that you have to apply my advice to your own learning style.

For me, the "magic" way is to sit in the front of a classroom and take notes. Once I take the notes, it's very rare that I actually look at them ever again, it's just the process of taking notes that helps me remember better than just sitting and listening. This, however, isn't going to work for everyone.

The rest of it is all a low-maintenance organization system that lets you streamline all the stuff you have to do so you don't forget things or waste time on the wrong shit. One of the important things to remember is that you generally have less work than you think, and you often have less work than you end up doing.

At 11/20/09 03:29 PM, DarkSytze wrote: dear elfer,

my girlfriend has dyed her hair blue and would think i'd like it. now i'm getting laughed at by my peers and my girlfriend thinks my friends are morons for doing so, calling them small minded. what stance should i take?

This is a great opportunity to take your girlfriend's side over your friends, because she's actually right here. So she tried dying her hair blue. I'm sure your friends have done dumber shit.

Basically, just act like you don't give a shit about what your friends think about it, and be dismissive of them when they bring it up. If one of them refuses to drop it, go to a drug store, pick up something called "gentian violet" then go to a party, get them drunk enough that they pass out, and dye their hair purple.

At 11/20/09 04:15 PM, LeroyJ wrote: O almighty Elfer,

I am currently in College, but I can already tell I won't be able to afford to pay next years tuition. I'm getting my major in photography. I'm considering going into the military as a combat photographer. They'll pay for college, and when I come out of college with military experience and a degree, I'll get a great job.

I have to go to boot camp, just like other infantry, and I have to carry the same weapons as the infantry. I'm not sure which branch I should pick. So Elfer... What branch should I choose? (Airforce, Marines, Army, Navy.) Also, is this a good idea?

Only pick the USMC if you really want to get your ass kicked in training. If you're mainly looking to get a job afterward, I'd say go with the air force or possibly the navy, since you'll have a demonstrable record of your ability to use complicated equipment.

On the other hand, military contracts are notoriously restrictive, so you may want to consider another way of financing your education if you don't want to deal with that.

I have Herpes.

How is this achieved?

my life is boring as fuck how do i make it more fun?

At 11/21/09 09:37 PM, AapoJoki wrote: How is this achieved?

easily answered...

just wait for elfer..

At 11/20/09 05:34 PM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

Last night I spilt cola on myself, it was dark and I was a little bit out of it and so I didn't immediately try and wash out the stain. It is now about 9 hours later and the stain has dried, It's a really nice t-shirt and I have zero experience with any washing products. What can I do? Is it possible for it to be completely removed?

There's like a hundred billion ways that people recommend doing this, but the first thing i would try is putting some spray 'n' wash on that sucker and just throwing it in with the laundry. If the stain has already dried, it doesn't matter if this doesn't work, and then you can start trying all the crazy stuff.

At 11/20/09 08:34 PM, EmoPinata wrote: I have Herpes.

Sorry bro, ain't no cure for herpes, probably not even time travel, considering the most recent prevalent theories about the universe. If you could, however, invent Hollywood time travel (where there's no rules and things don't have to make physical sense), you just might do it.

Otherwise, just find one of those dating sites for people who already have herpes.

At 11/21/09 09:37 PM, AapoJoki wrote: How is this achieved?

The head of the hammer is substantially more massive than the handle, ruler and string. By adjusting the position of the string (and therefore the angle and position of the hammer), you can find a position such that the centre of gravity for the hammer, string and ruler lies between the edge of the table and the edge of the ruler that's on the table, which is roughly a 4-5mm gap to work in, judging from the photo, and also between the two side edge of the ruler. The location of the centre of gravity on the vertical axis is irrelevant.

Incidentally, this same concept is already used in plenty of cheap bird ornaments.

At 11/21/09 10:05 PM, SolidLiquid wrote: my life is boring as fuck how do i make it more fun?

Try doing a bunch of different stuff until you find some fun stuff.

In particular, try to identify specific areas that you're dissatisfied with and fix 'em.