At 6/29/10 01:11 PM, Chronamut wrote:
:P
READ NAOW!
TOWER OF EMPTINESS
your a fuckin lunatic chron.
well anyway i read a few of your poems. very etherial and medieval. Its well composed, well written, invokes images in the mind wich is the point of any story or poem. But it doesnt invoke emotion for me simply because there is nothing in the poems that i can relate to. Not trying to put you down at all, it is very good work but it fails to touch the modern reader. there is nothing in the poems that can be related to the modern world. For example: a ringing phone, a bus slowly moving on hot asphalt, a dirt road whipping up dust in a cold dry wind, the roofs of buildings, glasses on someone's face, a kitchen sink, etc etc.
i think if you took your talent of vocabulary and expressing a scene with emotion it it you would find yourself with more fans and readers. Many people don't like to read about an imaginary world anymore. most enjoy something that they have seen before and can associate with a feeling or atmosphere.
i also noticed you dont apply a feeling to a situation or you express the feelings too much with an object. I found that a little odd. You write extremely well but it is the making of fairy tales.
A dying flower:
I believe you had the potential on that one to display a strong image of who the story is about and the pain and sorrow involved. i was a little let down that the poem didnt give enough imagery. It was a dying son in bagdad but how did he die? was it painful? was he thinking about past memories? what were those past memories?
Just to sum up.
Whenever you apply an emotion don't just apply it to something like a waterfall or something like that. explain your feelings in an environment. explain the environment more.
All in all i give you a 7 out of ten on your writing an 8 of ten on vocabulary, 8 out of ten on story telling ability a 6 out of ten for keeping interest. and a ten out of ten on structure.
yeah i know i was nitpicking you alot but i think if you apply a few of the things i had said youll see you can morph your writing ability in different ways and keep the readers attention very well.