I like the ominous atmosphere at the beginning. The percussion at :24 sounds a bit dry and unpolished, and the mix is pretty distorted. There’s very little in the way of mid-range or treble tones in the texture, which would make the piece sound much more balanced. Instead, the kick drum and a number of bass riffs dominate the texture for most of the piece. I think you could do a lot more with harmonizing here - right now, the harmonic content is pretty minimal and bland. The piece also didn’t really have any meaningful overarching structure to justify its being 13 minutes long.
The excess of bass tones and riffs is something that could more easily be fixed using the “slot” method. Ideally, you’d assign one or two instruments each to the bass range, mid-low, middle, high-mid, and treble range. That way, the texture comes out sounding more balanced and full. Otherwise, it’s hard to make out all the individual bass riffs you have playing at once. Higher pitched riffs might also sound more melodic, which is another thing that’s missing in this track: melodic content. Overall, I want you to consolidate your ideas and focus on harmonizing. With a minimal texture like this, your tracks just won’t keep listeners engaged for 13 minutes.
It’s certainly not all bad, though. You have a good sense of rhythm and atmosphere, and a lot of the individual riffs here are really cool, like the sub-bass at around the 10-minute mark. Keep working at it, man! Feel free to PM me if you’re ever looking for feedback on one of your projects. :)
Mixing, mastering, and balance
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
Instrumentation and sound design
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
Originality and uniqueness
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)