For me, this song just kind of misses the mark. The criticisms I can put my finger on include how the drums don't have enough bass, the sub in the drops sounds stereo (which is rather bad for mono output systems), and the drops just don't feel very intense. However, there are some things that, although I can't quite tell what they are, I can tell that they amount to the song not meeting its goal of sounding scary. I know collabs can be fun, I hope your collab was fun, but I think this song is a little lacking.
That's no reason to stop making songs, of course. And that's no reason to stop having fun, either. Often times, those two things go hand in hand, and they help you get better in the bargain.
All that to say, this song wasn't the best. But don't stop. :)