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Hors la loi (NGRMC)

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So, this is an original with a remixed hook. The verses are a truncated version of said hook. The motif to be remixed, for the purposes of this competition, came from here:

https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/821148

I heard the melody, looked at the chords, and felt it lent itself to some very angsty, angry, protest lyrics. So I wrote this song. "Hors-la-loi" is the French word for 'outlaw,' and "hors la loi" without any hyphens is 'outside of the law,' a phrase that I really delighted in using for this song. Also, this is the first of my personal songs to actually contain profanity -- once someone had suggested to me that I do a song along those lines, and I wasn't willing to do so without context. But now that I do...

This song is about those who are deemed outlaws, illegal, just because they lost the lottery of where they were born, the lottery of the colour of their skin -- lotteries which should never have been a thing in the first place -- and dare to dream of better shores and better times, and act upon those dreams. I picked post-grunge, because that's how to describe rock fused with other genres, made heavy, and containing lyrics speaking about freedom. These lyrics, in particular, I feel their very weight as I write and sing them, and I know what it feels like. I feel these lyrics only scratch the surface about what I want to tell the world about what I've been through.

In addition to the lyrics taking pride of place, I am especially pleased with the drums here -- and as I came close to finishing this, I felt this immense rush of excitement, like... somehow, I felt truly proud of this piece, and humbled by it at once. The drums made me want to dance on my seat. I do actually play drums, but since 1) my kit is not at home due to paper-thin walls and inability to soundproof, and 2) I can't afford the mics with which to record drums, I basically mouse-clicked it all into FL. That being said: I programmed them like I would actually play them, according to my current skill level, so this is what I can muster given my ability to play.

The lyrics and translation of what I'm singing can be found in the link below. It's here because putting it within the description is going to be WAY too long:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q8Gm6gFjiD5XjkfuUsS-c4sgsqxnYEp8NDEOkYbI250/edit?usp=sharing

One hopes that one has saved the best for last, but one cannot be so sure. I was planning for this to be out on 1 October but 1) I couldn't contain my emotions on the matter, and 2) they're fecking eating me up inside.

FL Studio 11, because I'm an antiquated sod who has downloaded FL Studio 20 but not actually started using it.

DISCLAIMER: I am not anti-France. I am a French-speaker and love French and francophone culture. The reason why I wrote these lyrics in French was so that in the past, where French-speakers were few and far between, any subject matter of mine would be hidden in plain sight. I'd done this for years and now, even now, these lyrics are hidden in plain sight, and one only need discover what they mean. This is a dig at EVERY government and EVERY society, not just simply one.

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J'adore ! Continue comme ça ! Et ta voix est superbe, j'aimerai entendre d'autres morceaux du genre !

Troisnyx responds:

Merci, j'espère pouvoir continuer comme ça.

En fait ce que je considère mon meilleur morceau de cette année, c'est aussi en français. Va chercher « À cause de l'ombre », et dis-moi ce que t'en penses 👀

Very nice track. Not perfect, I don't like the mix, but the music is really cool, as usual.
Troisnyx, one of the most gifted musicians in the universe.

Now about the mix, the drums seems to be somehow panned to the left, the voice doesn't cut enough through the mix (for my taste) and generally speaking, could be a bit louder and cleaner. Loved the "phone" effect on the voice.

Troisnyx responds:

Glad you enjoyed the track -- and thank you for the high praise ;_; ❤️ I felt like this was let down by the mix and I'd like to be able to make a good job out of this.

The snare seems a bit panned to the left from what I can hear; I remember attempting to pan every drum individually to resemble the kit setup I have. The voice is too nasal for my taste, as someone rightly pointed out earlier, which is something I desperately need to work on.

I don't think this is something I'd personally listen to a lot on it's own, but something about it made me think of 90s and early 2000s platformers. Parts of it made me think a little of Spyro.

I think it would be really fun in something like that. Or like an urban-styled piece of media. Something kinda weird and colorful, like Jet Set Radio, or Persona? It just evokes that kind of imagery for me. Something heavily stylized, basically.

Really cool. I had a fun listen.

Troisnyx responds:

Glad you enjoyed it, even if only for those few moments -- thank you for listening! Dark and gritty isn't always the most pleasant to endure for a long time, I'll admit.

Very nice

So this was really nice I "ESPECIALLY" love how this progresvly gets better and has some nice build up in it the "VOCALS" are notbad I think if you added some more intense build ups even some fade outs so that the vocals can be more domminant would be nice, A nice track you have here and was expecting something different but you really went beyond the normal and made a nifty little piece here, So I found this to have good value all about it even if it was a bit different but thats my review, untill next time. this was a good track make more soon, I dont think anything Disputably can compare to the Charm you bring to this one as it was a nice entry.

~~THINGS TO IMPROVE ON~~
I think if you added some more intense build ups even some fade outs so that the vocals can be more domminant would be nice

~X~

Le tout sonne plutôt bien, les paroles sont assez cool. Je m'attendais à une explosion musicale lors des refrains, et c'est ce pourquoi je n'ai pas mis la cinquième étoile.
Concernant le chant, c'est vraiment pas mal. On dirait juste que tu chantes du nez, peut-être une erreur de ma part. Mais si c'est le cas, essaie de faire sortir les sons de ta bouche, moins du nez.

For english speaker ...
The overhaul is pretty good, lyrics too. I was waiting for music explosion during the refrain, and that's the reason of voting 4/5..
About the singing, it's not bad. But it sounds like you sing from the nose, maybe a mistake from me. But if I'm right, try to make your voice to go out from your mouth, less from the nose.

Good job ;)

Troisnyx responds:

Merci -- contente de savoir que ca te plait. J'avoue que ma voix est plutot nasale, et c'est quelque chose que je veux eviter.

Credits & Info

Troisnyx
Author

Listens
1,357
Faves:
14
Votes
46
Score
3.86 / 5.00

Uploaded
Sep 25, 2018
4:40 AM EDT
Genre
General Rock
File Info
Song
6.4 MB
5 min 4 sec
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