This is a good start for a piece I personally believe could be very, very good. The intro may need some remodeling, maybe a different drum beat? This would build up to the climax, which, though right now is the synth brass, could probably also be some upper octave synth. Catch my drift? Add some sololeads after the synth comes in.. maybe 8 measures or so, then go with that, add some variations etc. It would also be really cool to add some stereo synth for a break after some choruses. I hope this helps, it's kind of a complicated explanation, but if you need some more detail just message. Overall, good start!