Well the song definitely has potential. It would be awesome to hear it with real instruments. The song itself is rather well written, simple for the most part, but effective. The vocals weren't the best as it sounded like you had to whisper. The lyrics were decent, but a bit too much rhyming for my personal taste. Overall you did quite a good job writing the tune, and hopefully you'll be able to do a version with real instruments.
yeah... man I gotta get out of my parents house. I'm embarrassed singing loud about zombies and ghosts. as for the rhyming, that was what I was going for, although I think it might be better in an iron maiden style song as opposed to this manson/NiN wannabe thing hehe
I don't know what it is about this piece man. It's not uber heavy metal, due to the fact that there were no real guitars....but on the flip side, It could really sound fucking awesome with real guitars. The hits were what was bringing it down a little. They were kinda james bond -ish from n-64. Otherwise, the vocals really saved this, and the overall composition was pretty friggin awesome. If you could find someone to give you some real guitars on this, and perhaps take out those Fruity Loops hits...damn man, this would be really awesome as hell.
As it stands, I really did quite like it though. Awesome ...really.
As long as you like the lyrics, I'm happy with your review... I'm well aware that I'm still in the realm of bedroom/midi metal musician, mostly. I have a guitar and this track is quite playable but my amp is busted. As for the hits, I might have overused them a bit, although I think in the right places, they could still be a valid effect. But overall you're right, it does need real guitars. Thx for the feedback, if you like what you hear feel free to check out some of my other tracks as well...