Interesting story. There's a few points where the background music overtakes the vocals, do be careful there. Try and modify the vocal layer to be a bit louder, and then have the BGM as it is or a bit more subdued so that it's there but not upstaging the vocal.
4:15 to 5:21 could be cut out, as there is no content there. I'd look into Audacity for general clipping (cutting out dead space on the first run of vocal) and Acoustica Mixcraft for an easy way to fix up the vocal parts (the free demo is fine, no weird restrictions on it).