This is a nice start. But there are some very glaring issues about it.
The redundancy is the main problem. Each small jingle is repeated three times in a row, which is not very pleasing to listen to. The drums also never seem to change their pattern throughout the song.
The structure needs a ton of work. The song just jumps right in and repeats the same pattern until the end. Try to determine a set of bars for an intro, build, drop, etc. (using "Add marker" in the arrangement window).
Try to add more ambiance, effects, and more tracks in general.
I will give you one star rather than none because I can understand your attempt. Keep trying! I know you can improve. :)
i cry nonetheless
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