Thousands of years ago, Lady Peri of Dot threatened the world with her army of pirate rattlesnakes and their ships made of solid gold. She desired the ancient chocolate brownie trees which grew in a small garden on the top of Spacedog Mountain.
The chocolate brownie trees were maintained by a brave knight known as Pearl, who protected the trees at night and surfed in the waters near the sunny beaches of Canada during the day. While she was surfing, the trees were vulnerable to attack from Lady Peri of Dot and her army.
One day, Lady Peri of Dot and her many ships docked at one of the sunny beaches of Canada where Pearl had decided to surf. Lady Peri of Dot planned to eliminate Pearl in order to eliminate the possibility that the brave knight would attempt to interfere with her plan to take control of the world with her infinite supply of chocolate brownies.
Lady Peri of Dot looked into the eyes of the brave knight, and immediately blushed. All of the pirate rattlesnakes in her army were males, and Lady Peri of Dot was a lesbian. Pearl had been the first lady that she had seen in years.
It mattered not that the brave knight wasn’t the most beautiful lady in the entire world, because to Lady Peri of Dot, Pearl looked dazzling as the sun shone on her beautiful red hair on that fateful morning.
“Be my bride!” Lady Peri of Dot demanded. “Be my bride and I promise that I shan’t ever do another evil deed as long as I live!” Lady Peri of Dot shouted to the knight.
Pearl had never flirted with another lady in her entire life. The only woman that she had ever known was her mother, Lady Rose of Quartz, who taught her how to speak and how to protect the trees, but she had never taught her how to flirt.
Yet, it was on this day that the brave knight known as Pearl said a pickup line that was inscribed on gold plates and is believed to be the most romantic pickup line ever spoken by a mortal woman.
“I want you to be my pink teddy bear, and sleep beside me tonight.”
Lady Peri of Dot and the brave knight got married that day. That night, they slept together in the bed of Lady Peri of Dot, and the next morning they began their life as lovers until the day they both died.
Unfortunately, the day that they both died was a week later, when the sun exploded and every planet within the solar system was destroyed.