Its just missing a little something.
I like this tune. It has a somber melody with an ambient back-beat.
I'm not sure what kind of emotions you were trying to evoke or what kind of picture you were trying to paint. I was left feeling like its missing a little bit of something.
The "intro" runs on a little long. The bass waits too long to come in. I expected it at about 0:35. Adding a snare sound and cranking the intensity with the other instruments would help at 1:06.
Regardless of my criticism, it is a cool piece. It makes me think of that point in an old RPG where the origins of the world are revealed, or a large revelation changes the focus of the hero. I can imagine this playing over a montage of epic scenery.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.