Needs some drums
And then i can see it, but as it is now, its quite annoying. The drums you have in need more hi hats and kick-snare patterns. This song has got some potential but needs to be remastered. It is also way to bland to bee good industrial, you need a lot of effects phasing in and out of your headphones and a bassy synth line. Ill cut you some slack because you had to record it and thus can not be perfect, but keep it up.