it has some basic promise. but somehow the music seems off from the lyrics, and the 'organ' would really be better if it's more fluid and maybe it's an idea to play the high solo part with more chords instead of just single notes. also, i guess you sang the lyrics yourself, it sounds more spoken than sung.
Part of my style is playing staccato notes over more fluid notes. Hence the very fluid soft keyboard underneath the percussive staccato organ notes. It's my style, it's what I like to play and listen to. Although, I respect your opinion and I accept that you don't enjoy the song.
I should point out that I did use single notes for the bridges, but there are three different layers of keyboard playing the same part to achieve the unique sound. I also enjoy my spoken word vocals, and I actually wish that more bands would use the style, and I'm always willing to defend my vocals. That's why I use spoken word vocals always exclusively.
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