Unfortunately, I think that the song is really missing the essentials to make a cinematic theme, and I feel bad for saying this because the tune could be really catchy, but there, the instruments just feel almost awful, the legato isn't working, the realease is absent so we can detect a gap of void between each notes, the winds aren't properly used and feel clumsy.

The problem here doesn't come from the notes, but from the audio mastering and samples, you should think about getting better instruments to create the atmosphere, I hope you will succeed, I will for now on follow your works, I'm sure you have a great potential to make something really big.