This is a monster track. Honestly, the only thing holding it back is your vocal equipment, and that's not hard to fix -- I can hear a little rattle going on. Really impressed you took the initial theme, crafted a tight narrative, and weaved a pretty hook. Jabun really took that to the next level, by the way.
You've got a great accent for hiphop and a nice, almost asymmetrical stream-of-thought flow that makes your poetry run like conversation. Does it come natural?